(Closed) Name: To Change or Not To Change? Help me answer the question!

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What are you doing/what did you do?
    Changed it! I was so happy! : (33 votes)
    46 %
    Changed it, with a little hesitance.. : (15 votes)
    21 %
    Hyphenated, best of both worlds! : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Kept my own :) : (21 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    I kept my name. This is the name I’ve published under, this is the name I’ve built a successful career under, this is the name I’ve had for 32 years, and it’s just… me. Sometimes I think about how nice it would be for Mr. LK and I to have the same last name, but even then teen LK would have a different last name. And honestly, having 3 last names in one household doesn’t make us any less of a family.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @MissButterTart:  I kept my name, because I was so attached to my name. I love my DH, and ideally I’d have his last name, but there is something inside me that just can not do it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I have publications and that was a big factor in not changing my name, I really don’t want to lose them. Do you already have publications? If so, I’d advice against changing because you’d pretty much lose them.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’ll be taking his and I’m ok with it.  I’m not, like, pumped about it, but I want to do it and I’ll adjust eventually.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1654 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I’m using my maiden name as my middle name and taking his last name.  Socially I’ll just use his name, but professionally I’ll write both on everything.  Not hyphenating, though.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I know people who publish under their maiden name, or who have retained their maiden name for work, but who have legally changed their name to their husband’s.

    I took my husband’s name because it was really important to him. It was a doozy of a last name, let me tell you- but two years down the road, I’ve lost all the apprehension I felt before about losing my identity. I’m still me. I just have a new (much, much longer, and much funnier) last name.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1061 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I kept my name legally and professionally.  In our personal life, if people call me Mrs. DH, I don’t correct them or anything.  I will also sign as Sarah DH on guest books or cards or whatever for simplicity sake.

    Beyond professional considerations, changing my name just didn’t feel “right” to me.

    The one time my husband gave me a bit of grief over it, I told him if it meant so much to him, he could change it for me and tossed him my wallet.  He went silent pretty quick!  lol

    Post # 10
    Member
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    This is so much a personal choice, but I just want to tell you that it is OKAY no matter what you choose. I’m having a little trouble understanding that myself, even though I know it to be true. It’s funny to me that making any of the available choices on this will cause some people to judge me. 

    I love my FI’s last name and I know I will be taking it, and I will be making my current LN my middle name. But what I don’t know is how much I’ll use my new middle name – professionally or personally. I identify so much with my current LN, it’s tough. 

    No matter what you choose it’s ok! But it sure is a tough choice. Good luck. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    You should add a “took his last, but used my last as my middle,” option.  That’d be me.  I’m a little hesitant, but it means a really lot to him, and his is easier to spell anyway 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @MissButterTart:  Have you published yet? If not, I don’t think it matters. If you have published, I’d recommend that you keep your family name at least professionally and maybe include it in your legal name somewhere. That’s the position I’m in, so I’ve decided to go like this:

    Professional: First Middle Maiden

    Socially: First Middle HisLast

    Legally: First Middle Maiden His Last (with Middle and Maiden both in the middle name part of my name legally).

    Post # 13
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    If FI feels strongly about you changing it, I’d steer you towards doing so.  

    My DH didn’t care and I kept my maiden name (for personal reasons, didn’t have the professional reasons – but can certainly understand why you are hesitant!!) 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2608 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I had no intentions of changing my name… until we went on our honeymoon.  All of a sudden it hit me when I saw our boarding passes and room reservations in different names… I didn’t feel like a “family”.  I realize that logically this is ridiculous.  Couples who have different names, or never marry are no less a “family” than those that do.

    What was weird was that marriage was never a big priority to me, but having taken that big step, it feels important to me that the rest of the world knows we’ve done it.  So I’m in the process of changing it now, 7 months after the wedding.

    Post # 15
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I felt weird about changing mine because I have such strong family ties and went through professional school with this name. But, now, I’m so glad I changed it. It’s been 7 months, and I almost always say it without thinking about it anymore. I love that I have that symbol of the change in my life. Also, I was only a year out of law school, so it wasn’t like I had built an amazing reputation with that name or needed it for business recognition. I made sure DH knew that changing my name was a gift to him, but now it’s just becoming who I am! I love that we get to build a heritage to go with this name for our kids that will make me just as proud as my maiden name. Have you considered doing “Firstname Maiden Married”?

    Post # 16
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee

    I personally identify with my last name as well but want to change mine to his because it just feels like a family. My mom took my dad’s last name, and his mom took his dad’s last name. I just wouldn’t feel like a “family” otherwise and would hate to have my kids have a different name. But then again we’re both very traditional… I know he could care less what name I decide on, but I care about taking his last name.

    The topic ‘Name: To Change or Not To Change? Help me answer the question!’ is closed to new replies.

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