(Closed) Names…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i think you should do exactly what you have said you are thinking of doing. 

have i got this right 

currently you are: miss joanna judy bloggs (sorry first thing that popped into my head)

proffessionally you want to remain this which is fine.

you are marring: mr John Smith (again first thing i thought of)

so legally you will become: joanna -Judy bloggs Smith and will drop the smith proffessionally. 

i think this way you continue to be who you are known as at work, you keep his family happy as you are taking his name and you remain respectful to your grandmother which in turn will please your own mother …. win win in my books 

Post # 5
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It sounds as if you have some really good options available to you that would help you to maintain continuity of your identity, while embracing your FH’s last name.

I originally wanted to keep all four of my names (example:  Jane Ann Smith Doe.) However, the motor-vehicle administration in the state in which I resided at the time of my marriage did not allow that type of name change. I also had two friends who are sisters who both went that route, and the younger one told me that she wished she had not done it, because everyone from her employer to her doctors’ offices continually had her new name wrong.

Ultimately, I chose to go the formal, traditional route (in the U.S.) of simply dropping my given middle name, taking my maiden name as my new middle name, and taking my DH’s last name (example: Jane Smith Doe.)

I absolutely LOVE my new name! I thought I would really miss using my middle initial, because I had used it for most of my life on everything.  However, I really don’t miss it now that I have three full names to use! 🙂 I also found that this type of name change is very easy for colleagues and co-workers to follow, as it seems logical that Jane Smith Doe is Jane Smith who has married. I suspect that brides who choose to drop their maiden names entirely many not have as smooth of a transition (i.e. it’s harder to come to the realization that Jane Doe used to be Jane Smith if there is no Smith there to see.)

In your case, it sounds as if your first and given middle names would combine beautifully (potential example:  Mary Ann Jones, who marries John Miller, would become Maryann Jones Miller.) I think this may be a wonderful solution for you if you decide that you absolutely do not want to drop your given middle name.  However, you may need to do more than a name change with the Social Security Administration to be able to do this. I don’t know.

Best wishes on whatever you decide! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Have you thought about just using a hyphen for the last names, andleaving the rest as is? then just drop his last name for professional use? 

Post # 9
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I love the idea of hyphenating because then you can keep both names but the problem comes with kids. If they get the hypenated and then get marreid they then have 3+ last names. Then their kids… If I wasn’t having kids I would definately hyphenate. Fiance and I are considering combinging or just picking a new name. We’re also considering keeping our own names and just flipping a coin for any kid’s last name. We haven’t decided and we’re keeping it to ourselves that we’re debating what to do, but I think the important thing is to just think through the pros and cons of each. And if you’re using his name only socially then you don’t necessarily have to change it legally. For instance, if I keep my name I won’t be offended if someone calls me Mrs. hislastname, but I wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of legally and professionally changing anything.

Post # 10
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@JenGirl:  I always thought about that, too — how do children who have hyphenated last names end up hyphenating, and so on. 

I think that’s another reason I like the formal, traditional name change the best (First Maidenasnewmiddle Hislast), because it allows the woman to maintain the continuity of her identity, while still showing she is now married and allowing her to share the same last name as her husband and any future children.  Also, the wife in that situation is then able to continue the name of her family of origin by passing it on to her children, either as a first name or a middle name. As an example of this type of naming of children, I always think of journalist Katie Couric, who named her daughters Elinor (Katie’s mother’s first name) Tully (Katie’s mother’s maiden name) Monahan (Katie’s husband’s last name) and Caroline Couric (Katie’s last name) Monahan. I also have a friend whose daugther’s first name is my friend’s maiden name. 

Post # 11
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I actually love the solution you came up with for hyphenating your first name, but it does sound like the logistics might be complicated and expensive- i hope it is actually feasible, because it seems to me that this fits best with your situation and your personal attachment to each of the names. You could just keep all 4 names- so in your example, you would be Mary Ann Jones Smith, but that can get complicated as well. My Fi has a name like this- his parents gave him two middle names the second of which is his mom’s maiden name- and people are always very confused as to what is actually his middle name. Good luck!

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