Post # 1
DH and are expecting our first child soon. We’re trying to come up with a name. Have any bees out there named your son after YOUR father? If so, did you husband of FIL object? How did you handle it? We plan on naming my son after my father. DH and i have both agreed on it.
Here’s a little bit of background on our situation. I’ve always wanted to name my future son after my father. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl and my father has no sons to carry on his last name. My father is a good man one of the best people I know and has always supported me and never judged me. DH and my dad have a great relationship. When I married I didn’t want to change my last name, but it was important to DH so I took his last name. DH has a brother who also has a son. Neither DH, BIL, or nephew have been named after FIL. My in-laws don’t like me for many reasons, one of them being that I didn’t finish college. My in-laws also are not my favorite people. They are rude, arrogant, belligerent, and racist.
Now that we want to name my son after my dad, my in-laws are IRATE. They are so upset and now want us to name our son after FIL. Recently they sent DH an e-mail trying to guilt him into naming our son after FIL. There is no way I would ever name my son after someone that doesn’t like me and that I have no respect for. At the moment my sister is also pregnant with a boy. They said she should just name her son after my dad. My sister already has a son and this child will be her last. She has chosen to not name her sons after my dad because she knows how much I want to do it.
This topic was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by lizzyboot80.
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
lizzyboot80: This depends on what you and your husband want. Seeing as you took his last name I think it more than fair to anme your son after your father. It blows my mind that people feel they have a right over your own personal decisions. Stick to your guns.
Post # 3
I think the only opinions that matter are those of you and your husband. Especially if your inlaws already don’t like you- what difference does it make?
Post # 4
eeniebeans: missjz: It’s just frustrating because I know that his parents are causing my husband stress. They’re making him feel guilty. I wish we had never told anyone our plans for naming our son.
Post # 5
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
lizzyboot80: I look at “guilt tripping” in a very simple way. Your husband can’t be guilted if he takes a no BS approach to him. His child, his choice. End of story.
Post # 6
lizzyboot80: Do we share the same in-laws?! LOL
In seriousness, though. I understand how you feel and I know I wouldn’t want my son sharing a name with someone with whom the respect didn’t go both ways. What about maybe giving your son two middle names…the second being your FIL’s name. That way, you still “honor” your FIL, but when you get mad at your son, you can only choose to yell FirstNameFirstMiddleName?
I know what it’s like to want to stick to your guns and not give in, I get it! But, this might make a little peace if that would work for you and your DH.
Post # 7
I am using my dad’s name for the middle name. My father passed away last year, and I had a wonderful relationship with him so wanted to honor him in some way. My husband thought it was a great idea when I mentioned it to him. I figure my husband’s family gets their last name passed down, so it’s only fair that my family gets a name too 🙂
Post # 8
lizzyboot80: Like PPs said, it’s completely up to you and your husband!
(Not trying to be offensive, but I find it horribly sexist that your father-in-law was offended by you wanting naming your son after your dad. Why is the woman’s family less worthy of recognition?)
Post # 9
SexyCatLady: It IS extremely sexist. They already get the last name and now they want the first name too! And why is it SOOOO offensive to them to want to name my son after my dad. Maybe if my dad was horrible or something, I’d get it.
Post # 10
lizzyboot80: We’re having our first in December and if its a boy, it will be middled named after my father. The way I see it is the child is getting my Husbands last name, the least it can get is other names from my side. In your situation however I would not be naming my child after someone who cannot even respect me
Post # 11
The only people who get input on the name of your child are you and your husband. Period. Full stop. I would just tell your in-laws that this is not up for discussion, and any future communication from them about this issue will be ignored. You want to honor your dad, that’s a lovely thing to do, and they can just get over it. Being so upset about it shows a lot more about their (lack of) character than it does about you and your husband.
Post # 12
They already had their turn in naming their own children, they get NO say in naming yours too! Do not compromise on this, they sound like very controlling people and they’ll only get worse after your son is born is they think they can get away with it. Put your foot down and stay strong!
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
I predict something like this happening in regards to my MIL if we have a daughter. She likes me well enough so I can only imagine the irony in your situation!
I hope your husband is sticking up for you & that you two choose a name together despite outsider opinions!
Post # 14
lizzyboot80: I am in the SAME boat as you but slightly different. I also have a bit of a rocky relationship with my IL’s…. a bit of backround is that I am canadian (irish heritage) and my DH is originally from italy and they came here when he was a small child. They have a tradition where the if the baby is a boy it is supposed to named after the paternal grandfather (so FIL) and a girl after the maternal grandmother…although thats not so much set in stone which I think is really hypocritical.
Anywho DH and I have decided a looooooong time ago that were not naming our child if its a boy after his father. DH wouldnt mind doing it and has always been brainwashed that thats the way it will be because thats all he ever knew…he was named that way, his sister and all the boys in his family (theres like 20 of the cousins with all the same damn first and last name its RIDICULOUS) LOL. Anyways…. DH just wants me to be happy and he knows how I feel about it and realizes this is NOT my tradition. The drama over this started several months BEFORE WE WERE EVEN MARRIED…… I dont like FIL…. he is in my own DH words…an a$$hole. He’s Chauvinistic, entitled, doesnt give a crap about what anyone else thinks or feels… everything has to be his way or else life is a living hell… like… he throws tantrums like a 3 year old if he doesnt get his way kinda thing (not exaggerating)… basically there’s no way Im letting my child be named after him. a) because of the reasons I stated above, b) because I dont believe anyone has the RIGHT or entitlement to automatically claim the name of my kid, c) I hate the name!Its not even a nice name….. that would be one thing if I even liked it but even my DH said “ya our kid would be teased and have the most ridiculous nick names…” Even if I did like FIL enough to do it I dont like the name….period!
I said middle name is fine….. I can do a middle name but apparently thats not good enough, as they dont DO middle names in italy…..well guess what…were not IN italy and the child is living in canada and has half its blood canadian…so tough shit! <br />I told DH if he kicks up enough of a fuss I wont even allow a middle name and just have it as my own father…Im sure he would be honoured!!
They’ve only recently found out were pg…and we havent seen them a lot just because of busy-ness so we havent had to deal with it too much yet (although it was the first thing out of his mouth when we announced) (eyeroll)….anyways…Im 18w this week and were finding out the sex in 2 weeks….and its basically to the point we may not tell them if its a boy!
Sorry about the rant but here’s how we’re handling it so far and continuing…. we decided before I got pg that we were not talking about the name…. My mom even tries to keep asking me but in hearing all the horror stories about everyones input from others we are not discussing one single name we like with our families and it will be a complete surprise until the baby is born and presented to them for the first time! When it comes up in conversation I simply say “we havent talked about it yet/decided and again its not up for discussion, its going to be a surprise”. Everyone says once theres a baby… they really wont care what the name is because they will be so excited… but right now the “name” is like the biggest topic so it becomes the focus. My advice is just to shut it down because you’ve let the cat outta the bag and say “because of all the fuss you and DH are re-evaluating what we’re going to do but from now on its private between us 2″…and just refuse to talk about it. If they start something and they wont stop… get up and leave. I told DH I will not sit there and have FIL raise my blood pressure or get me stressed out about it… I WILL either flip out or leave the situation. Its not good for you or the baby to have that kind of stress!
All you need to remember is this is YOUR child not theirs and as long as your DH agrees with the name they have no control.
Post # 15
SadieBee: Thank you. For a second I thought that maybe wanting to name my son after my dad was offensive to others. I think my in-laws are the only ones that see something wrong with it.
I just know they will blame my husband for my son’s name. They fully expect him to convince to me to change my mind. They’ve been complaining to my BIL and SIL. They said they couldn’t sleep last night because they were so upset. In their e-mail to DH they said they that they came up with a fair idea and their idea is to name my son after FIL and make his middle name my dad’s name. Thanks, but no thanks.