Post # 1
I really didn’t want my first post to be this one but I am at wits end here. seriously I think I’m going to be bald before the wedding May 8th.
My fiance and I have been together for 5 years engaged for 4 and his sister literally HATES me for some unknown reason. soon after our engagment announcement is when things went bad fast. She would trash talk me on myspace, and such calling me just about every name under the sun, told her brother to dump me NOW or he’s no longer her brother. trash talked me spread rumors just about EVERYTHING she possibly could do. that has dulled since about 6 months ago but it’s starting back up now that we actually set a date in stone. I asked her to be a bridesmaid for my finace’s sake (HE wanted that) and then the name calling started again. (so no more bridesmaid for her!) Only for her to get knocked up (I have proof she did this intentionally by the way) and she’s getting married a month after us now. I told him I don’t want her there. I am TERRIFIED she will do or say something so rude. she came out and told her brother she WILL stand up during the ceremony and object when the pastor asks that part. I get so sick to my stomach just thinking of her right now. I’m not being dramatic either literally going to hurl feeling. I dread anything that includes her as well. Now I have apoligized to her multiple times already for whatever I did. Nothing back from her. It’s always a sorry to him or the parents or my favorite one of all- Emailing MY SISTER on myspace and saying she was sorry for how she treated ME!!!! WHAT?! but NEVER a personal apology from her.
just a few weeks ago she texted him saying how the moment he says I do they are no longer family, and how her brother would defend her and not me, to pick me or her……and she’s pissed he’s chosing me over family. I love his parents as if they were my parents. but even they think I’m being unresonable wanting an apology from her before she can come to the reception ONLY.
Am I being unreasonable in asking that one thing? Fiance thinks I should forget it all and invite her……I don’t feel comfortable around her AT ALL. They don’t talk at all not even at family gatherings
Post # 3
There has to be a reason why she doesn’t like you. And I don’t think its unreasonable that you want an apology from her since she’s been so disrespectful to you. I think that maybe you need to sit down adn talk with her, find out why she hates you so much, and if its because she thinks you are taking her brother away, then you shoudl reassure her that that is not the case
Post # 4
I also am thinking that there has to be some reason why she’s acting out this way towards you. She is being extremely disrespectful towards you, but she is his sister. I would probably sit down and have a chat with her one on one. It doesn’t do any good to argue over MySpace or text messages over the situation, and you really need to get to the root of this problem. Even if you don’t invite her to the wedding, she may show up anyway to make sure her opinion is known, so getting to the bottom of this and trying to make up before the wedding would be the best option at the moment. Otherwise, you might need to be prepared for her to crash the wedding, unfortunately.
Post # 5
I agree with MrsSl82be. It’s not unreasonable to want an apology and I think sitting down with her is in order.
Meanwhile, where is your FI in all this? Has he talked to her? Did she tell him why she doesn’t like you?
Post # 6
Give up on the apology. Even IF you get one from her, it will be meaningless because she will be right back to where she is now in six months (trash talking you, etc.).
But you should stand firm about not having her at the wedding. She can come to the reception as a compromise between you and his family (I’m sure you don’t want her at either the wedding OR the reception).
Don’t apologize to her anymore or have any interaction with her. She’s never going to tell you what’s wrong. She enjoys this crazy dramatic behavior too much. Also, don’t worry about why she got pregnant. Just don’t get involved with her at all. Make her a nonperson. The more you engage her, the more you encourage her in this bizarre behavior. Seriously, just ignore her. She’s an evil b*tch and nothing you do or say will ever change that.
Post # 7
Hm. Blackcherry makes some very, very good points.
Post # 8
My advice is to have your FI set up a lunch with her. She’ll think it’s just the two of them. When she sits down, he should call you on your phone and tell you some code word to come sit with them. Then he should tell her (while waiting for you) that the meeting is to talk to her about how she will act at the wedding. Her responses will determine whether HE will be inviting her at all. When you arrive, say hello and sit down, but let your FI do all the talking. Basically he should lay down conditions to her invitiation. Namely:
- An immediate apology to you, right there, in person
- Asking her what her objection to the marriage is, listening, then saying that she has spoken her peace, you are STILL getting married
- Telling her that if she objects at the wedding he will have her thrown out by security and KEPT out of the reception by security, AND he will cut her out of his life
If she actually stays to listen, then you will at least know that your FI is on your side, and you will know whether she’ll be coming at all. She may decide just not to come. Or she may come and object and be thrown out and never speak to her brother again. Or she may come, not say a damn word at the ceremony and bad mouth you the whole reception. BUT you will know your FI has stood up for you and is not going to choose his sister over you. (Silly girl, doesn’t she know that’s how marriage works??)
Post # 9
I think blackcherry has the soundest and most realistic advice in this case! Good Luck!
Post # 10
Whoa, that’s intense! There has to be a reason she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t have to be rational, but its there. Has no one gotten down to the bottom of it? I think your FI has to find out what the problem is. It kinda sounds like some oedipus complex gone haywire. She might be so jealous that you’re marrying her brother that she’s acting out in irrational ways.
Now, I get that you don’t like her. No one can tell you to. Chances are you never will. But, this is the family you’re marrying into. You should invite her to all aspects. And the family should have a tazer in case she acts up. Kidding! (but I bet you wouldn’t object to it lol). I’d be worried too, I’m not saying you should just let it all go. But in the end, god forbid she does say something, she’ll be the only one standing there looking like a jerk.
I wish you luck!
Post # 11
You haven’t really mentioned how FI feels about all this. Unfortunately it’s up to him to keep teh peace as it’s his family. She sounds like a piece of trash who isn’t worth your time, so I wouldn’t even let it bother you.
Post # 12
I agree, she sounds like trash. Don’t invite her if she can’t act like a damn civil adult. And I’d have FI mediate….it’s his sister. And if he can’t see why this is inappropriate and why this is hurting you, he needs to take a good long look at himself–brushing it off won’t make it better and at some point he probably NEEDS to get in the middle and handle it.
And seriously, how trashy is she? Getting preggo on purpose just to get married after you? Sounds like a winner…
Post # 13
You need to call her out on it, and NOT alone. Why is your fiance not taking a stand? That would worry me more than her behavoir.
You need to call her out on it, as calmly as possible. Tell her how she has made you feel, that you have apologized just to make peace because you don’t know what you’ve done, and ask her to please tell you why. Do this in front of your fiance, and his parents if you can. I can’t stress enough how calm you must remain no matter how off the wall she gets.
Honestly, it sounds like jealousy to me.
Post # 14
I absolutely would NOT do this one on one. You need others to witness her behavoir as well as your demeanor. Otherwise, she is sure to run and tell the family how awful YOU were to HER!
Post # 15
Thanks everyone, It does help that a few people I’m inviting are police officers. they already know about her and are fully prepared to make sure she stays out If it comes to that.
Now to my fiance…..he doesn’t really seem to care anymore. everytime I even bring this up he just ignores it. I do give him credit though for trying as many times as he has in the past few years and getting nowhere. I have tried to talk to her but she always does something to irritate the living daylights out of me, in turn ending that conversation frustrated beyond belief and just imagining me strangling the life out of her. But I have given up any thought of an apology mainly for the reasons that blackcherry had mentioned. His parents refuse to even think about this (I don’t blame them this is between us 3) but they want family gatherings each year and for us to be civil. we are. we say hi and that’s it. I would rather spend time with my family when she’s there. Nobody has a clue as to why this is going on- She says she doesn’t have anything against me but obviously she does……He doesn’t like to get into confrontations at all. but I called him a bit ago and told him we are sitting down together and figuring this out tonight before we go any further wedding wise. otherwise I’m thinking our meeting with the pastor Tuesday is not going to go well at all……
Thank you everyone
Post # 16
I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask for an apology. Especially since she has threatened to ruin your ceremony. You definitely need to have a calm sit down, if possible mediated by an uninvolved 3rd party to find out where all this animosity is coming from. Not including her in any part of the wedding is likely to create an unending feud.