- Miss Velveteen
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
I just need to vent. I am gutted. We both had our hen’s/stag’s nights this weekend. We had talked about what kind of night we wanted, what our boundaries are etc. We did not even want games/dares that involved so much as kissing someone on the hand. I made sure my Maid/Matron of Honor knew what was okay and what was not, and she checked whether the level of ‘dodgeyness’ was okay with me on a few things. Fi ended up being taken to a strip club and was bought a lap dance.
I’m not naive and foolish. I get that his friends wanted to give him a rip-roaring send-off, and that strip clubs/strippers frequently feature at stag nights. But fi told me that he did not want anything like that. We are a Christian couple, and it is so alien to how we (supposedly) intended to live our lives (though not to how we both used to live). If he does not mean what he says, then how do his wedding vows mean anything?
I took of my engagement ring because I felt so sick and confused. I know this would be quite normal for many guys, but I want to be able to make a choice between marrying someone who is fine with that and someone who is not. How can I when he claims one thing but shows something else by his actions?
I know he is not the best at saying no, and that he feels awkward declining nice (ha!) gestures. I know he got bundled off to the club by a particular few of his friends, and that his close friends (who got left behind at a bar) would not have done that to him. But, he still went into the strip club. He still sat there while a stripper in a G-string, danced around, sat astride him, ground into him and rubbed her bare breasts on him. I consider that he has cheated on me.
I appreciate that he told me – he is nothing if not honest – even though he knew it would be hard. Seeing how badly hurt I was and that I had taken my ring off hit him hard and made him realise the damage that it has done (so he says). I am still angry and sickened, but I believe that he is sorry, that he did not intend it to happen. He says he knows he had his priorities wrong (fear of offending his friends/being completely ridiculed for insisting it stop) and that he let himself get into that situation.
So, we will see. I am still praying about it, but I have put my ring back on, and we wrote our vows today. I know he is not perfect, but I really didn’t expect this. I guess at least it happened before the wedding, and I still have a choice…? Ug.
Sigh. I just needed to tell someone and get some advice. Cookies for anyone who got through the whole thing!