Post # 1
ahh, first time poster, long-time reader–hello hive!
I’m just having a bummer kind of day–I am working REALLY part time right now plus i work for chacha.com, which is not great pay. I mentioned to my FH about my finances (we aren’t joint-account yet), you know, kind of just needing to vent last night. Literally, I have $1600 in my account right now, which doesn’t sound like a lot–but it’s all student loans to pay for my rent for the summer (I’m a student) and my electric, and that’s IT.
He is sweet, but I don’t think he understands. We go out to lunch this afternoon (he pays for when we go out and things we do, generally) and he starts talking about how he got paid today. He is doing research for the school/his thesis this summer and is getting paid nicely… in fact, so nicely that he wasn’t thinking about it and told me one of the checks was for $1400. Oh yeah, did I mention there were TWO checks, the other was for another huge chunk of money?
Like, more than everything in my bank account once my rent check clears. Twice that amount.
I make minimum for the very part time hours I work (which can’t be increased) and am looking for another job on top of making about $3/hr on ChaCha… and I just wanted to break down. I mean, he deserves it for the work he does (he loves his work) but geez, what a great time to feel so useless.
Sorry everyone. I know this is like the least important thing in the world, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I guess it’s good for me that he pays for everything when we go out… but I still would like to earn more, and be able to start paying for the DIY stuff I’d like to do for our wedding. I can’t even start that stuff until I can pay for it, you know?
Thanks for reading 🙂
Post # 3
That does, suck, honey! Are you and your FI not living together? Is the joint-account thing something you’ve talked about? I think if money and finances are important to you (and they obviously are) you should talk to the one person you will eventually be sharing EVERY aspect of you life with about it.
Communication is key! I know that sounds cliche, but it’s so true.
Welcome to the Hive!
Post # 4
I’m right there with ya cinemaparadiso! I’m a student as well, and my job this past January basically said, it’s school or work, so I made the difficult decision to quit and haven’t found a job yet. I too am living off student loans. My FI is the same way, makes a lot, has a great job, but I feel ya, it’s hard to deal with.
The one thing that gets me through is that once I finish school this December I can get a job that I love and start making the moolah. That tends to pull me out of the dark when I have down days. Keep your head up and know that it’ll be okay. You have a whole lot of people to lean on here in the hive, it’s a great place for support. Rely on people here and your family and just keep on keepin’ on.
Post # 6
I can completley understand your frustration when it comes to finances. My fiance makes about twice as much as I do and although I am glad for him it upsets me that I can’t contribute more to the wedding. I am able to cover all my bills (we live together) but once I do that I have very little left to put towards a wedding – especially mine which is not going to be small!
I’ve expressed my concerns to my FI and that was the best thing I could have done. I told him that I wanted this to be equal and that I felt horrible for not being able to save as much and he actually made me feel a lot better. He reminded me of all that I do for us and our place that doesn’t have a price tag and he reminded me that most importantly we’re a team. We’re in this together and so it shouldn’t matter who puts in what.
Of course it still bothers me from time to time and I’m still trying my hardest to put away what I can but it’s nice to hear those words from him. Talk to your guy – he might be able to make you feel better and maybe you can work something out.
Post # 7
I hear ya. I’m unemployed right now and FI is doing pretty well. He understands, but it really bothers me that I can’t contribute to rent, household things, etc. Not to one up you but I have a lot less in my bank account lol. I’ve been pinching pennies for a long while and gave up a lot of "luxuries" (and by luxury I mean a $3 magazine). I hope things perk up for you soon, and remember that your time will come where you can live a little more comfortably! meanwhile, go take a bath or paint your toenails or do something else to get your mind off your sucky day!
Post # 8
Ouch! I’m a temp, always worried about job security, so I hear ya! It can be especially fristrating when your SO doesn’t get it!
Post # 9
Oh that does suck, I totally understand. When I was in college I had zero money, too. Couldn’t even buy him a decent birthday gift this past April. I sent him graham crackers and frosting for a "cake" while he was in Iraq. The shipping alone was $10 and that’s all I could possibly afford. He was making good money and I always felt like SUCH a MOOCH. and I hated it. He’d offer me money and I just couldn’t take it without feeling so bad. Then we got engaged as soon as I graduated college. I had a job, but it’s not like I’d really be making anything for awhile (i borrowed a chunk from the parents and i wanted to pay it back asap) and with us paying for our own wedding, he pretty much was writing all the checks. Now that i’ve been out for a year I can afford to pay for more things now, but he did acknowledge that I saved US a lot of money with all the DIY things. I"m not exactly rolling in the dough, trust me.
Things even out eventually. You’re in school so what do you expect? Have your FI take you out to a nice dinner so the two of you can celebrate his thesis together!
My FI graduated THREE years before me. So, needles to say, he had a lot of work under his belt. And money saved up!
Post # 10
aw thanks everyone 🙂
he and I ended up talking about it last night after i couldn’t sleep. (we live together, sort of–his parents pay for his apartment, my loans pay for mine but he doesn’t really live at his apartment). and my best friend talked about it with me today (she was in the exact same situation last summer)… i feel better about it.
also, i’d been back and forth about whether to start an etsy shop… and i decided to do it, that maybe it would help. i hope so!
thanks so much to all of you!
Post # 11
Glad to see you’re feeling better! My fiance and I had a similar situation. We did decide to go with a joint account, but know that with that comes its own set of stressors- namely, GUILT for me! I feel like he pays for EVERYTHING. Which does not mesh well from the uber-liberal feminist within…
I hope things work out. Be sure to send us a link to your Etsy shop!!!
Post # 12
aw, i know, the guilt!! I never knew how feminist I was (and apparently, not demanding) until now. haha.
i would post a link but it violates the "blatantly promoting your company" bit at the top of the comment box. if you want to PM me i can give you the name! I will say that it is invite related 🙂
Post # 13
I have read all the comments and from what I gather, your FH makes more money than you and yet his parents pay for his place and yet he lives at your place, which you can barely afford. He pays for lunch which I am assuming makes you feel guilty because well, even 5 $20 lunches a month could go a long way in your fiancial crisis.
Most of us can relate to the broke student.
I realize you are going to start an etsy shop but you will still need $ for the materials and then the time it takes to ship and upload images and answer questions. You aren’t likely to be making much money from it for a while. However, perhaps you could discuss with FH splitting your rent, as it could help you out and you can use the saving to get your business going, and if you explain that to him he might be supportive and understand. you are building a life together.
My FH and I have an arrangement, he has his work deposit $$$ into my account twice a month. But I went months without saying anything which was the wrong thing to do. But now I can live on what he has deposited when I am not working, as I won’t work for two weeks this month and I had some serious costs associated with the wedding. Sometimes he doesn’t understand that things can get tight for me as he makes 5 X the amount I do and all his living expenses are paid for by his company.
But I have learned to live on a lot less than he could ever. Which I think will eventually be a good grounding point for him when we get married. I have no desire for a joint account. He makes a deposit to my account or his company does and then we still have privacy and I like that. We plan for big purchases together, even though his contribution is either all of it or way more than mine by 5X, easily.
It is a short term struggle. But a great time for you to talk about fiances and what kind of expectations you have for the future.
Can you get a job on campus? typically on campus employment is maxed at 20 or 30 hours a week.
Post # 14
Ah, I know about the etsy shop costs… the thing is, I already used to run an etsy shop and quit after I realized I needed to get a real job. So, I already have the supplies (but this one is mostly based on digital files, so no real major costs) and the setup for a business.
I do have an on-campus job, lol, that’s the problem is because of their budget cuts they WOULD increase my hours, but they can’t. 🙁 And I live in a pretty "rural" area school in a state with very speedily increasing double digit unemployment… so it’s almost impossible to find a job right now. I’m ok with that.
We have worked out an agreement kinda like yours. He has two accounts he uses, so if I feel like we need groceries or I need something, he can give me one of the debit cards. In exchange, I do a lot of stuff like cleaning the house, cooking and I grow a bit of our food (we have a container garden on my balcony) so that helps.
I was PMSing big time and that didn’t help things, but now, I feel a lot better about how things will go. Thanks so much for your advice, I do take it to heart and am thinking about something similar (though FI is gung-ho on the joint account… I think he just never wants me to feel like I can’t afford something, etc)
Thanks again, everyone! I appreciate it so much. Have a GREAT weekend!