- 5 years ago
So, it is more than that – I’m not just after a gift here and I am, in a way, embarrassed to ask for advice from people I know.
To sum it up… sorry for the lengthy post:
I was in a wedding about a month ago for a friend I have known for about a decade! I was one of two non-family bridesmaids (the other was a co-worker who she wasn’t even very close to) in a large bridal party and of course, as all brides, she was preoccupied with getting all the wedding details sorted, but still, I feel a bit neglected as a friend and according to her – her oldest friend she still talks to – and bridesmaid.
Now I am unfotunately unemployed, due to a layoff some months ago, so wedding expenses were not easy for me, but she passionately pleaded with me to be a bridesmaid, as she really wanted me to be a part of her big day.
She had chosen a $200 dress, which I did pay for in full (she didn’t not offer any support – not that I would have accepted, despite being unemployed), plus alterations, plus wedding hair, accessories, and shoes, though I did my make-up myself. All that added up to quite a bit. She offered no day of services.
Being me and not being a cheap gift giver, I gave her a beautiful gift at her bridal shower that she had registered for.
I was also one of the few people that actually showed up to her bachelorette party. Most of the bridal party and other friends/family bailed out on her that evening and no one, but myself, gave her any gifts – novelty or otherwise- that evening.
Rehersal dinner was fine, though I informed her that with my situation I would be sending her wedding gift after the wedding. It was/is an extremely tough time financially, right after Thanksgiving, Christmas and December birthdays coming up so soon. She understood, and while I would have loved her to say “oh, don’t worry, you don’t have to get us a gift” – of course, I will be sending her wedding gift as soon as I can.
So, her and her family had actually over-invited for the reception, which was at a beautiful and chic, yet somewhat pricey venue, so she actually left my invitation r.s.v.p. card blank and called asking that if possible, I not invite anyone. That was tough and I did invite my mother, since she has known the bride since I was younger, it was only proper.
My mother of course ended up asking about the bridesmaid gift, I was embarrassed, considering all I spent in my situation and how I’m a believer in good etiquette, and said there was a mixup and she was giving it to me later – I clearly skirted around answering. My mother still commented on the issue and was clearly disappointed in the bride/my longtime friend.
I understand being there for a friend and bride, but this is clearly a bit of a one-side friendship situation and the lack of a bridesmaid gift was just icing on the expensive cake!
Oh, and of course, I haven’t heard from her since the day of…
has this happened to anyone else?