Post # 1
Ok, I don’t normally post emotionally related posts. Normally I keep it to dresses and rings and flowers. But this week, OMG this week, I’ve just felt raked over every coal possible and I need a little extra support from ladies who have been through the whole engagement and wedding process before.
It seems that as we get closer and closer to the date, things get tenser and tenser. Minor decisions become more charged. Money becomes more of an issue. THE VOLUME ON EVERYTHING IS TURNED WAY UP. Get the drift?? Yeah, it ain’t too pleasant. It’s just overwhelming and has caused, I have to say, a 2nd thought or two or three or four. Sometimes I just want all the details to go away. I fantasize about a little studio apartment where I can focus on my career and my friends and watch what I want to watch on TV and you know, be single again. My happy, enriching relationship feels further and further away. We just have so many stressors on us. Too many to go into detail about, and too many are private. Most center around money, a few don’t.
But, here’s what I’m wondering. Have any other ladies gone through this thing when you hit the 5 or 4 month mark when it just feels like everything gets really intense, even non-wedding related stuff? Like, LIFE just gets more intense??
Post # 3
Yeah, there was a little while there when I was freaking out over everything–I’m not organized, into planning, into DIYing anything, or interested in being the center of attention, so life was just way too intense. Just take a step back from it all, tell yourself it’s all going to be fine, and spend some quality time with your fiance where you don’t talk about wedding stuff at all. It’ll give you time to reconnect and relax a bit. Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon–if it makes you feel any better, I’m totally relaxed and happy now that my wedding is just two months away!
Post # 4
@eholland: Definitely. For me it started around 3 months before the wedding, and carried through to two months before. I felt like my world had become a hamster ball with everyone just feeding me more problems through all the little air holes and no matter how fast I ran, all the problems just kept bouncing around in there with me. Christmas + family + work deadlines + wedding = linguo’s head splodey. DH had the same feeling.
The best thing, though? It eventually goes away. And the wedding day itself…there are no words. During the planning process I had epic fantasies about DH just running off somewhere remote and eloping, but seriously, the wedding was so worth it. I’ve taken to thinking of weddings as somewhat akin to childbirth; the emotional high when it’s finally over makes you forget all the labor and uncomfortable junk that led up to it pretty quickly.
Post # 5
i’m sorry there is so much pressure going on. I felt that way many times through our planning, and i don’t miss that feeling one bit. Looking back, I realized it was because we were all so excited that every little detail mattered very, very much.
There were small blips, but i still enjoyed the day and do say it was worth all the stress and planning to have that special moment. hang in there!
Post # 6
This happened to me, though I think it was a bit closer to the wedding. Take some time off to reconnect with your FI – no wedding talk, no other distractions, just a day or two for the two of you to focus on each other.
To dial down the wedding stress, see if you can scale down or even eliminate some details. This might help with the money situation as well. It made me feel SO GOOD to cancel a few projects I was stressed out about – a huge weight off my back. Details like favors, decorations, doing a ton of research to make a single decision, etc. And trust me, looking back on it, that didn’t make a difference at all.
It’s even harder when non-wedding-related issues pop up to complicated the situation. Look at it as an opportunity to work as a team and to practice for when you’re married and facing problems together all the time. If you’re having disagreements about money or something else, it’s actually great that you have a chance to discover these issues now and work them out! Can’t comment on this so much without knowing more details, but just give yourself time to talk through these issues with FI and figure them out one by one.
Post # 7
You are not alone. I would feel everything is going smoothly then I would look at the budget and think, OMG, how are we going to pay for this. What else I need to do? Why is everyone giving me unwanted advice…AHHHH! Then I’m ok again.
Then today, I found out that I didn’t get the job I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. It’s a promotion more than anything, but I’m super bummed out. 🙁
Ugh..I”m so happy it’s Friday!
Post # 8
[Big bee hug]
We went through it as well, at around the 1 month mark because we were still ironing out details and had some hiccups with our officiant and drama with guests RSVPs. We got upset with one another and yelled sometimes and once or twice even said something to the effect of “let’s just call it off!” But thankfully, our cooler heads always prevail and we were always able to apologize and center ourselves again. We had to remind ourselves that the wedding was not important, the marriage is and that the details and dress and cake and flowers will be over quickly but we need our friendship, love, partnership and marriage to last forever so that seemed to help us dial it back a bit. we spent the first 2 days of our honeymoon apologizing to each other and saying “I love you so much!”
Chin up, it’ll get better if you stay focused on the marriage moreso than the day.
Post # 9
Don;t feel so down on yourself! I felt like a wreck before the wedding. Just like you said, everything was a big deal. Eventually, I got to the point where I just didn’t care anymore, and DH stepped up to make decisions that I would normally have made myself. Like others have said, take some time to de-stress and remember why you’re getting married. Being on the other side of my wedding, I now realize that most of the things I was so fretful over weren’t a big deal at all.
Post # 10
I’m a wreck all the time, ha ha…but seriously, I know so many friends and family who have had the same experience and it all got better. You will make it through and just remember…YOU’RE AMAZING! 🙂
Post # 11
Honey, we’re right here for you.
And eff the details.
I kept it together until the Save The Dates arrived and needed to be addressed ASAP and real life wasn’t making any room… that’s when it started for me. Stress City, USA.
Then everything felt more stressful than before. Alterations! Did I pick the wrong dress?!? What should my bridesmaids wear? How can I ask my best friends to spend $$$?! Rehearsal dinner! DJ? Band? Shoes! Is our registry too expensive? Facinator or veil? DIY cake? Decorations???!
But then I thought back to some of the best parties I’ve been to… music, smiling people – that’s all you need! …and booze doesn’t hurt. 🙂 So this week when I’m getting caught up in details and budget and the production of the whole thing, I think of that. The guests will be happy, the music will be fantastic, and by gum it’s going to be an amazing time. I’m getting married for heavens sakes – how could it not be wonderful? Whether I get those gorgeous (but expensive!!) shoes from BHLDN or not. ;D
Post # 12
I can relate so much to how you’re feeling! I struggle with very emotional/stress-filled moments as well. It comes and it goes and I try to respond as needed. Like the other ladies said, it’s good to take a break from planning mode and just have a date with FI and just try to chill for a bit. That’s what I try to do… but then I get in panic mode again and feel like a slacker and start the cycle all over again.
All I can say is that I hope things start to get better for you so that you can enjoy this special time as much as possible.