Post # 1
Hi Girls…this may turn into a rant, and a big vent..but i need HELP!! Soo one of our bridesmaids is my fiances friend from college (she’s married with a baby) We asked her almost a year ago. There hasn’t been much involvement on her part at all, haven’t seen eachother in months, and its been problems. We are at a point of not knowing what to do. In my heart I know I want her our, coincidentally she texted my fiance last night bc she “misses us” and wants to do dinner. Its hard for me to put stuff behind me. I want her out, fiance says he does too. Although I know I am in his best interest, I dont know what he wants)! Helpppp. What complicates things is that her husband is a groomsman, and him and my fiance get along welll.
Ok so….whats everyones opinion, andw ho should tell her she’s out?
Post # 3
What have the problems been? Your wedding isn’t for another year. Could you mend the relationship over that time?
You could give her the option of stepping down (i.e. let her know you understand if she’s overwhelmed with the new baby etc) but I wouldn’t give her the boot just yet.
Post # 4
Suck it up. I contemplated kicking out a bridesmaid a week ago. Not supportive, not helping, and at times causes drama. But you picked her for a reason and a friend asked me the following questions:
After you kick her out will the husband bail too(this case her boyfriend)?
Would they still come to the wedding?
Would that be awkward?
This is a friendship ending kind of move, do you really want it to be over?
Will it be less stressful to have her in or deal with the drama that may happen after?
Will others find out and think you were some kind of crazy princess bridezilla?
Will she get drunk and tell the people at her table?
I am just keeping her. It seemed easier to deal with her being there than all of the stuff that could happen if we didn’t have her there.
Post # 5
Is your wedding next October? If so, you might be jumping the gun a little. But if you both decided you want her out since you aren’t really friends anymore, you can ‘give her an out’ by gently telling her you asked her in a flurry of excitement a year ago and you understand you two aren’t that close and it’s going to be a lot of work considering she has a baby, etc. That way hopefully she will resign on her own and there won’t be any hard feelings.
Post # 6
I dont really know what she could have done with your wedding so far away that would cause her to be kicked out. Maybe a little more explanation would help.
Post # 7
I would really think about your decision before making it.
Here are my thoughts:
Telling her she is out will most likely ruin your friendship (and your husbands friendship) with her forever. It will most likely really hurt her feelings and humiliate her. Her husband may (and probably should) say he is going to step out too, as his wife has had her feelings hurt in this decision.
Can you just talk to her first, instead? Explain to her how big of a deal it is to have everyone in your wedding be on good terms with the both of you, and therefore you guys need to work everything out. Remind her how important of a day this is for you and how you need people who love and support you both to stand along side you both. I’m assuming that’s why you chose her in the first place. Maybe it’s possible to get back to that point.
That is my suggestion. However, your question asked how to tell her, so I will give you my thoughts on that:
If you decide that is the only way to handle it, I would sit down with her (in a place SHE is comfortable) and explain to her what has been going on with the two of you. Explain why you feel like your friendship has dwindled. Then explain to her how important it is to you that the people in your wedding be people that you are close to, and therefore have decided to not include her anymore. You’ll have to be very gentle about it, to keep even a chance of peace with eachother.
Good luck in your decision!
Post # 8
Mwitter….all of the questions you posted are my thoughts exactly!!!
We’ve been engaged for a year now, and our wedding is next october. I’m a bit pro-active in more ways than one so a lot is done already including our bridal party. I set up a date to go with all of the girls to pick out the dresses, and the morning of I text her to give her directions, and she gave me an excuse as to why she couldn’t come. I set something up for two weeks later with my future sister in law who couldnt make it (but had valid reasons and told me ahead of time) And on the second attempt she asked if she could just send me her measurements bc she did not want to “ruin my weekend for 10 mins”. I had it all set up, and we were going for lunch and it wasn’t ruining anything. Everyone who has been married knows its an exciting time. I agreed for her to send me the measurements and waited for the $ for the deposit for well over a month and finally she left it in my mail box. Last time I’ve seen her is May. She has talked about me on a few occasions, and to my fiance. She never shows much interest in anything. I understand she is a friend of his for years, but she’s been a fair weather friend. She comes and goes and always on her terms. I sent her an email a little time ago, (nicely) and explained that if she felt like being in the bridal party for her and her husband was too much, or overwhelming bc of the baby that we totally understood. She flipped and said who am i to say having a baby was too much, blah blah and all this stuff.
Fiance and I fight constantly over her! I just dont feel like its worth the fights. I have been through alot (lost my mom) planning a wedding without her has been VERY hard and would love for my bridal party to be people who love us, support us and want to be involved.
Hoping the additional info helps. I feel bad bc I know what the consequences will be if we decide that she is out. I would like her to still be a guest, and would leave that up to her, but I don’t think that would happen.
Thank you so much ladies!!!
Post # 9
And my I add that my wedding is one of three that she has had a problem with. She was maid of honor for her best friends wedding and kicked out of that one also.