(Closed) Need Advice!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1566 posts
Bumble bee

So, you’re upset that someone that didn’t even KNOW you were engaged “dared” to go ring shopping with her boyfriend? And that she didn’t keep her hands off the ring that you happened to pick out, without even knowing it was the same as yours? I mean logically, how could you possibly blame her if she didn’t know?

When you get engaged, it does not automatically block off a period of time during which none of your friends are allowed to look at rings or get engaged themselves. I hope you enjoy your engagement and focus on you and your fiance. Also, once your friend sees your ring, she will probably not pick it out because she’ll want something unique. Even if she does, there’s nothing wrong with having the same one.  

Post # 4
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I guess I have a two part answer…

1. I totally understand. Within 2 months of us getting engaged, 3 of our friends had a also gotten engaged, and 5, count ’em 5, of our friends/family members had announced that they were expecting. And I was bummed (okay I was crushed) because the spotlight was no longer ours.

2. Although it sucks when the spotlight is gone. we have to remember that no one’s life stops because something incredible happens to us. Maybe you can make sure that the other girl sees your ring, so they can be sure not to pick that one? Good luck!

Post # 5
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, its quite possible that they had been planning to go shopping on that day for some time.  Just because they were looking doesn’t mean they were buying that day or even getting engaged right away, but maybe they are.  That’s their decision and they shouldn’t have to put their plans on hold because of your engagement. 

As for the ring, well, hopefully she saw something else she liked.  If she hasn’t seen yours, I would be subtle in the whole letting her see it and hope that she recognizes the ring.  If by some chance she ends up with the same ring, just compliment her on her excellent taste. 

Post # 6
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Wow, interesting responses. I guess I’m in the minority. We got engaged 2 days after one of our friends and a week before FI’s old roommate and there were a number of other engagements around the same time too. It seems once the ball got rolling in our circle of friends & family it hit a lot of people at once.

One of FI’s high school friends got engaged to his long time girlfriend the day after thanksgiving. Of course I said “lemme see! Lemme see!” she held up her ring to show me & we have the SAME EXACT ring. We thought it was hysterical, took a picture together and made the boys buy us all drinks.

Call me crazy but I love it! We’re all going through it together, helping each other: this part’s awesome, that part sucked etc. I’m glad to share the experience with them and I can’t wait for their weddings just like they’re excited for mine.

Post # 7
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Don’t forget that just because they are shopping for rings, doesn’t mean they are going to get engaged right away.  They might just be looking to see what is out there or see what she likes.  Yes it’s sort of sad when the spotlight comes off you, but other people aren’t required to put their own decisions on hold just because you got engaged.  You are going to have a day next year that is all about you and your Fiance and you can be selfish then!

Post # 8
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

make sure you show her your ring, then hopefully she wont get it

Post # 9
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think this is probably just a coincidence. I’d let it go. I doubt they are getting engaged right this second if they were just looking at rings, and she will most likely not pick the same ring epsecially once she sees that it is the same one as yours. Think about it this way – how many of “your” ring do you think that jewelry store sells? Unless your Fiance is forging it himself from crude metal, it’s not original and someone else has it. It doesn’t even seem like you are close with these people so it shouldn’t matter that much to you. I understand wanting to have your time in the spotlight but the reality is that we don’t get to dictate other people’s lives. One of my best friends (and a BM) got engaged before me (not that it was out of the blue or anything) while Fiance and I were planning our engagement. We had a date picked out that we liked and GUESS WHO HAPPENED TO PICK THAT EXACT DATE? Did I have a mini-freak out? Yes. Did I ever utter a word about it to her? No, because I don’t have the right to say anything to her about it because it’s her life.

Post # 11
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

And when I say she is my “friend,” I mean we havn’t talked in 3 months or else she might have known we already picked this ring out!


ok, so not friends then. Acquaintances are getting engaged, don’t know about your engagement, and you’re pissed about it?

People have to live their lives, and you’re going to find as an affianced woman and bride-to-be that everyone isn’t actually revolving the trajectory of their life around events in yours.  It happens repeatedly, and in different contexts, and it’s frustrating and annoying, but you have to keep this in perspective…  Try to just let it roll off your back and don’t flip out about it. Flipping out will only reflect poorly on you during this time of great celebration. Be gracious and congratulate them.


Post # 12
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@waterprincess – Awww I’m sorry to hear that. I think maybe this thing with these people and the ring is just sort of an icing on the cake to the fact that you heard about a death on the day of your engagement. I know it can be hard but try to focus on the happy, positive things in your life and don’t let the small stuff like this couple get to you. I promise in a few weeks you won’t even care about them anymore.

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