need advice

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Mine has said that a few times. He has a temper and anger problem but has gotten better. Did he apologize? Did you give him time to calm down? I’d just talk to him about it. Id never leave someone over that. Yes it’s wrong but I think you’re making it a huge deal when you should just talk it him. You telling him to get the fuck out is the same as what he said to you.

 

Post # 5
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@marinewife4:  I personally would wait, calm down first, then decide your next move. I dont think you should end a marriage based upon that especially not while you are acting solely based on emotion. take some time to reevaluatem but this is not okay and Im glad that you recognize that. 

people get angry and things slip sure, but its never okay. however, I would not go to extremely drastic measures such as a legal seperation. if there are other underlying issues then maybe I would consider taking some time apart (staying briefly at a friends etc) to figure out if this is what you really want but I would not legally do anything. 

ETA: just read your reply to the PP.

 

Post # 7
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Telling him to get the fuck out of his own home is pretty bad, too.  It sounds like both of you got into a fight and behaved like rude, petulant children.  I think wanting to pack your bags and leave because he dropped one nasty name in a fight is a major overreaction on your part.  

Post # 11
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Packing your bags and leaving over what’s basically an isolated incident of name-calling is severely over reacting in my book. If you can’t manage to get through an argument without one of you sleeping somewhere else, how are you going to manage if something really stressful and tragic happens? I think you both behaved badly. Take some time to calm down, then tomorrow look for a workshop or class or counsellor on the topic of communication. You should never, ever be fighting to the point that you’re raising your voices, let alone cussing each other out. Learn how to disagree and debate without fighting.

Post # 12
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I personally would just be childish and retaliate back by calling him something he hates.

In perspective (for me) calling me a bitch isn’t a big enough deal to leave a marriage… because in all honestly we can all act like a royal bitch sometimes. 

Also, if you don’t want to be called a specific thing and let him know it, it’ll likely be the first thing he calls you in a fight because he KNOWS that it’ll get to you. It’s like if you tell someone not to poke you ever again… you should expect to be poked.

FYI, there are MUCH worse things that he could’ve called you other than bitch.

Post # 14
Hostess
15072 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@marinewife4:  if you are using a past relationship to excuse behavior or an over reaction now, then you may need counseling to stop doing that. It isn’t healthy for you, your husband or your marriage. At least you know where it’s coming from but now is the time to deal with it before it gets out of hand. I’m not saying your argument is your fault, not at all, but sometimes how we react to things can escalate things without meaning too.

Post # 15
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@marinewife4:  yea just cool off. I think things will be fine after that. I get upset with my SO because like you I had a bad experience with an ex and promised myself I wouldnt take anyone else crap so you are not alone ! however, dont take this out exclusively on your SO, it isnt fair.

once you calm down, see how you feel then you and him should have a rational conversation without any yelling/namecalling and address this latest incident as well as discuss your expectations from one another. 

I hope it all works out for you.

Post # 16
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@marinewife4:  You shouldn;t punish your husband for your past relationship. As @MrsStayPuft:  said it sounds like you were both in the wrong and both need to apologise and work out how to communicate better when upset.

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