(Closed) Need Advice about Children (and a small rant!)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you allow all the kids (up to 3 per some of the women)?
    Yes, suck it up and let all the kids come : (18 votes)
    40 %
    Convince him to speak to his mother : (22 votes)
    49 %
    Other, please make suggestions : (5 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If he really won’t talk to his mom about this then I think you just need to suck it up and let the kids come. It’s very possible that leaving their kids with the dads isn’t an option.

    Post # 4
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    You can do the wording such that it specifies the number people allowed.

    ex:

    We have reserved you __ seats

    Number of guests attending __

     

    if 25+ people bring 2-3 kids each, that’s going to be like day care.  that is a lot of kids, more kids than adults on his side.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @lolaswann:  +1

    Word it like that and there can be no confussion of your intention.  You’ll still probably get a few that say 5 are attending, when you said 2 seats for them.  But that should be easier to fix/deal with since you were clear from the start that they did not have seats for the kids; they can’t claim they just assumed you meant the invitation for all of them.

    Post # 7
    Member
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Theres that few people coming from his side and you’re worried about kids? If you’re extremely concerned then get a kids room or daycare or group babysitter and have parents drop their kids off there and order pizza for them.

    Kids at a wedding is only distracting if they’re misbehaved. As long as the parents keep them controlled its good 🙂 I’ve only been to 1 wedding that was worse for children, the rest were all better for it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    @gelaine22:  +1

     

    your FI doesn’t seem to care much either way, he’s not desparate for those kids to be there so if you want it a certain way, stay firm in your decision

    Post # 11
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    @gelaine22:  With 20+ kids, there’s no guarantee of good behavior.  And parents usually get distracted during a wedding so they might not be keeping as close an eye on them as usual.  

    some people might not like it, but it’s your wedding and you should stick to you and your FI’s vision.  there will be plenty of family activities and get-togethers for the kids to be involved in

    Post # 12
    Member
    5479 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Is there any way you (or your FMIL) could make arrangements for on-site child care at the wedding for kids under, say, 10?  or 12?  I don’t like the idea of 20 little children running around at a wedding, but I can also imagine that if I were a single parent travelling 5 hours to be at someone’s wedding, it would be really nice to know there was an alternate option for my child(ren).

    Post # 13
    Member
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You can definitely have a child-free wedding or invite kids X years or older.  I wouldn’t write “no children” on the invite because you are right, it is rude to point out who is not invited.  Just address the invites to whomever is invited.  Example: address the invite to Mr. and Mrs. Smith and not The Smith Family.

    However, if you do decide to not invite kids, you need to be prepared for some people to decline.  Just as you have every right to have the wedding you want, the guest has ever right to decline.  You can’t hold it against them.

    It’s also unfair to allow each family to bring 1-2 kids regardless of age.  You can’t say cousin A’s 5 year old is allowed, but cousin B can only bring her 13 year old and not her 5 year old.  Either all 5 year olds are invited or none of them are.

    Post # 14
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    @gelaine22:  yea I get that.  but the invitiation is from both of you so hopefully you won’t get too much grief.  and FMILs are, more often than not, unhappy with some aspect of the wedding.  these boards have hundreds of posts about FMILs being upset about something with the wedding because it didn’t go their way.  and guess what 95% of the responses say?  stand by your decision, this is your wedding, she will get over it.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @DaneLady:  +1

     

     I think if you can provide child care (offsite so they don’t come in, I’ve seen that happen), that would be generous of you.

    invites do tell who is invited but if your FMIL can say something now, they would have more time to plan and not be totally shocked when the invites are sent or RSVP with the kids included.

    i had an adults only wedding and in my invites, there was a separate reception card that said ” please be our guest at adult reception …something something”

    i personally wouldn’t want that many kids running around the party. It really changes the vibe and its expensive! Besides, if you’re having an evening reception, it really aunt a kid friendly place.

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