(Closed) Need advice about mean husband

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What kind of medication was he on?

Post # 4
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Have you tried talking to him about it? Honestly this doesn’t sound like a good situation. Maybe you could try counseling yourself if he won’t go.

ETA: I”m really sorry you are going through this. Do you have anyone in real life for support? Friends/family?

Post # 5
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

How long since he’s been a frat boy?

Have you talked to him about his freak outs?

Do you ever just ignore the freak outs and do what you want?

Honestly, it sounds like a 2 year old temper tantrum and the solution for those is not to give in when they yell but teach them words like ‘please’ will get them what they want.

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why don’t you just talk to him about his attitude and let him know you don’t feel loved and that he’s acting selfish? He was a jock/frat boy over 10 years ago–he needs to get over it. That persona’s in the past.

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Can you kinda make it into a game?  Like the sex thing would make me angry and I’d just use one of his lame excuses until he finally gave in when I initiated – which you can do like an hour later or the next morning, and do that several times until you’re only doing it when you initiate (probably a horrible idea but as long as it doesn’t go too long I dont’ think it’s a big deal), just to make a point – I think sometimes guys don’t get it until you show them how they’re being a jerk. 

I’d also just start doing what you want.  If he doesn’t want to do it, oh well, his loss.

And just correct him as soon as he’s mean, be blunt, and tell him immediately that it hurts your feelings or ohhhh, burn or something to point out what he’s saying that’s kinda dickish.  And then turn it around and say how would you feel if I said …………..

Post # 10
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know it’s kind of a big thing to do, but maybe actually packing your bags and heading off is the thing to do to wake him up. My FSIL did that to her hubby after one too many ’empty bed on a saturday night, no phone call’ scenes. Just took the kids to her mother’s, told him to choose his buds or his kids.

Changed man. Best thing she ever did. I think though, the risk is what you might find out by doing it. You know what I mean? What do you do if he’s not shocked/stunned/upset etc?

Best of luck.

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m assuming your husband was on suboxone or something like that?  I think going off of that could definitely contribute to the change in his mood and the way he treats you. I’d keep pushing the counseling.  And I agree that if he refuses to go, go alone.

I know you have talked to him about this, but does he know how serious it is?  Have you told him you are considering ending the marriage if things do not change?

Post # 12
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

Stop being the victim, put yourself back on the pedestal, and re-train him. Start out by reading “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl.” It changed my life with an ex I had. Thankfully- I don’t have the same problem now- but if it ever arose- I could put him back in check.

Post # 13
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

In fact- if that book was given to EVERY teenage girl- there would be far less broken hearts. Seriously.

Post # 14
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would recommend taking some time for yourself.  Plan a girls weekend or go visit family, but be sure to take time to be alone and think about your relationship.  Tell your husband that you need to get away and ‘think about things’, explain to him that his actions for the past however long have just gotten to the point that you discussions aren’t helping anymore and you need to be alone to think about the relationship.  That should open his eyes a little, but you really should take the time to think about the relationship. 

It’s obvious that he does not respect you or your feelings, if he did he wouldn’t blow off your concerns and tell you that you don’t feel a certain way.  My SO always tells me that you ‘can’t tell someone how they feel, they are feelings, they are personal, no one can know them but the person experienceing them” that really changed the way we approach things that may hurt one another.

Post # 16
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

But yelling and screaming doesn’t usually help things.  You can be firm and blunt and even stubborn without yelling and screaming. 

The topic ‘Need advice about mean husband’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors