(Closed) need advice about my (gay) guy friend being a bridesmaid? bridesman?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My sister had her gay Boyfriend or Best Friend stand on her side (even though my brother stood with the GMs, my BIL wanted it that way).  He wore a tux, but I think maybe a different vest than the GMs, can’t recall.  It did not look weird or lopsided at all in my opinion, especially b/c your girls are already in black.

You can refer to him as an attendant in the program.  You might just list the Bridal Party with "Bride’s Attendants" and "Groom’s Attendants" rather than bridesmaids or groomsmen.  dunno if that would bother anyone else.

Can’t help too much with gifts b/c I don’t know him.  I think something more personal than a gift card would be nice (does tiffany’s even have these?), though.  He obviously means a lot to you so it would be nice to find a token to honor that.  If you personalize something small (keychain, money clip) then it would still be meaningful no matter what.

Post # 5
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2007

1) By all means, if he helps to throw the shower, he should be listed as a host. Period. Who cares what they think? If people get confused, you can simply explain it to them.  I think it’s so cute he wants to help throw you a shower.

2) We had two attendants each – two males on his side and one male and female on my side. My GBF stood on my side in photos, during the ceremony, and was listed as a "Bridesman" in my program. Even though our wedding party was three males and one female, I personally don’t think it looked weird at all. When i look back on my wedding party photos, I don’t see the gender imbalance in attendants, I am simply just happy he has been in my life for so long and that he was able to stand up with me on my wedding day. Also, we dressed him identically to the groomsmen.

3) I don’t think a Tiffany gift certificate is too impersonal – if you can’t find an item that you are sure he doesn’t have and you know he would, the sentiment is still there with a gift card. If he loves tiffany as much as you say he does, he’ll be happy either way.

Post # 6
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If it was me, I would have my Bridesman standing on my side in his tux next to the girls in their long black dresses.  (I think that would look fantastic!)  Then again, my uncle remarried when his daughter was 14 or so and she stood up as his best man in a tux and it was wonderful.  

 FI wants to add that he stood up for one of his good friends when she got married.  It wasn’t anything fancy so he wore a dress shirt and slacks while the girls were in knee length green dresses.  


Post # 7
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

My best friend is a guy and so I ended up making him my man of honor. I’d ask your sister and your bridesman what they would feel most comfortable with on the invitation. With your other BMs and the shower, are they contributing even though they cannot be there?

With regard to the ceremony, if you want him on your side, fantastic! Especially because they all are in black, it should blend nicely.

As far as the gift, you know him best, so if the groomsmen gift doesn’t work, switch it up. If you want to get him something from Tiffany’s but don’t want to ask directly, get a copy of the catalogue and happen to have it out one day while he is there and casually ask what he likes. If you don’t mind the gift not being a surprise, you can always take him to lunch and a day of shopping with a stop at Tiffany’s if there is one in your area.

Good luck!

Post # 8
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m having a bridesman (my brother) and my Fiance will be having two groomsmaids (his sisters). He’s there to support you onr your day, he should stand on your side! (And why not ask him what he’d like his title to be?)

As for shower invites – they should be worded however the hosts decide to word them! If your friends & family don’t know him and the fact that he’s one of your girls, maybe they can mention something to that effect on the invites to prevent confusion (and so the guests don’t show up with husbands in tow).

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 9
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do what you want! Your side doesn’t have to be all female and neither does his.

Post # 10
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I was in a wedding where the bride had a "Man of Honor", who was her best guy friend.  I think this happens more often now, and you can do whatever you want in terms of including him.

I think it’s totally acceptable for him to be one of your shower co-hosts and for him to stand on your side during the ceremony.

Post # 12
27 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

If he is just "one of the girls" treat him as such. I think everyone would be more comfortable this way! I think it’s great!

Post # 13
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m having one of my best guy friends stand on my side, and we’re calling him my “bridesdude” or “bridesman”.  Do what makes you happy!  And I’m sure he’ll throw you a rocking shower!

Post # 14
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think he should be listed on the invite for shower as a host. I like “Man of Honor” as a title.

As for a gift, I think the gift card (in this situation) would be fine because its still personal since its a place HE loves.

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