Post # 1
I am looking for some advice. My wedding was planned for July 23, 2010. This is my 2nd wedding and my fiance’s first wedding. We started our planning and now see that we cannot afford it and what it has become. We got ourselves in too deep and are overwhelmed. We really do not want a big wedding and the guest list has gotten out of hand.
Because of ALL of the crazy pressure and financial concerns we were going to go to Vegas on my Spring Break (April 2nd-5th) (with just immediate family and bridal party)!!!! BUT, my mom said that Vegas would not be possible for her financially and my two brothers (one is 21 yrs. old with a girlfriend, and the other brother is 26 yrs. old with a wife and a one-year-old).
Sooooo, we found the perfect beach venue in Florida on the Gulf of Mexico. Everything with the planning has fallen into place at a fraction of the price of our previous wedding. It would be an intimate event with a small guest list.
Now, the problem is that my mom says that my brothers can’t afford this either and that they probably won’t come. I do not have the closest relationship with my brothers and honestly feel that they are not making the effort to even try to come. My mom is the one that I most worry about. She wants her children to be there (by the way, my dad passed away 8 years ago, which doesn’t make the thought of my wedding without family any easier for mom).
Soooo, I am ready to book my Florida wedding for April 3, 2010 (the Florida resort has drafted the contract for me). My fiance’s family doesn’t have an issue with it and are really looking forward to this. My mom is really laying on the guilt trips hard!!! What should I do??!! Book it anyway, or once again go back to the drawing board with my wedding because of my brothers??
Post # 3
I would book the Florida place. It sounds like a really nice affair and honestly it doesn’t seem like your brothers would want to go either way. Since your mother can go, that is all that matters.
Post # 4
Have you talked to your brothers personally? Or is this all from your mom? How far away are they? do you have friends they can stay will to cut hotel.
I think that you need to go to the source and talk to THEM, they should be able to save enough by then… and if they aren’t will to work it out then it doesn’t matter where it is. Talk to them, see what you can do to help cut their costs by finding free lodging, etc.. and book your dream.
Post # 5
I would also book the Florida place. It sounds like what you would want. And, honestly there are five months for your brothers family to save before they have to go so they should be able to swing it (or maybe tax returns? or something). Maybe they can share a room together? Drive down instead of flying? Eat in rather than planning on going out while down there?
I also think that you should speak to your brothers: is there any other reason that would keep them from attending a wedding? You’re their sister: money shouldn’t be keeping them away because they have enough time to put some aside. There’s way to make it happen. In my opinion.
Post # 6
KLP2010: I have talked to my brothers. The 26 year old (Dan) is worried about travelling with the baby (although they’ve driven to South Carolina with her last year), we live in Baltimore. And, Dan’s wife, Jess (my sister-in-law) is hesitant with the date because it falls on her mom’s birthday. As for my younger brother, Jeff, him and I have never really had a great relationship (I am 8 years older than him and was always the responsible one). I talked with him too and he didn’t say much, but I got the impression that if Dan doesn’t come, he won’t come either. They say it’s financial, but honestly I feel that it’s just not convenient for THEM!!! In the meantime, my poor mom is breaking out in hives over the stress!!! Seriously, this is a wedding!!! Not a damn funeral!! Should be a happy time!!!
Post # 7
Well, if he’s worried about traveling with the baby and his wife doesn’t want to miss her mom’s birthday, then perhaps he should come alone. you are his sister, this is YOUR wedding day.
Book the date, tell your mom that no matter what, her presence is the most important in your life and that she is all you need. Tell her your brothers will do what they can but no matter what it will be OK, and try and reassure her so she doesn’t stress.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
Have you thought about Assateuge, or a wedding at Sandy Point in the summer? that way it’s still small and a beach wedding, but close enough for them to travel to?
Post # 9
Thanks!!! My fiance’ and I have worked this entire past week on calling our hotel for group rates (which we were able to get), finding discount hotels surrounding our venue, calling airlines for group discounts (we got 10% off), looking up train fare (for a less expensive option) and have told family not to bring gifts. We do not want gifts (my fiance and I have lived together for a year and a half now) and our dishes and towels are just fine!!
Seriously, I think that the issue goes beyond the financial stuff!! That is kind of hurtful since it’s family, but also makes me NOT want to change my venue because I would be changing it for THEM!!!
Post # 10
I would book the Florida wedding. You can not keep changing to accomodate people (family or not) that are not trying to accomodate your request. You found something that you are excited about and can afford and I think that you should move forward. If they want to be there, they will.
Post # 11
KLP 2010: Thanks again for the advice!!! I do think that I will suggest the idea of just my brothers coming without their significant others. I mean, they would have eachother to stay with (and they are very close) and once again if they cared, they would be there. Otherwise, seriously whatever!!! I have already seen in the past that many times friends are there for you more than family.
Post # 12
If your brothers don’t make an effort (have you talked with them about it? one/on/one?) Perhpas you can celebrate with them and their families the next time everyone is together. Would you now have the extra $$ to pay for some of their trip?
Post # 13
I would go ahead and do the FL wedding. (But that’s because in this scenario I would say “forget them” if they didn’t want to come. If having certain guests was more important to me, I would have it at home to make sure those folks were there to celebrate with me.) I would suggest just working on trying to calm your mom down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, but anytime someone plans a DW, it puts more of a burden on guests to come, family or not. From their standpoint they might be thinking that you’re citing lack of finances as a reason to make the wedding a DW. But that makes it a larger financial burden (as well as time) for them to go to your wedding. Maybe they don’t think OOT weddings is the way to have a wedding. IDK. But while it’s disappointing not to get that support from your brothers, I think you have to chose what’s best/most important to you. They’ll be doing the same.
Post # 14
I agree that you should definitely do what you want to do and what you feel comfortable in doing. It’s too bad that it sounds like your brothers won’t be able to make it to your wedding, but I think you should do the Florida wedding and not worry too much about whether or not they can make it.
Post # 15
Yep, I’d book the florida wedding, too. And honestly? Yes, ok, Mom’s birthday is important, but she has one every year. You don’t get married every year, and you are his sister. I think that they’re kind of just looking for a way out, and who knows if they would have shown up if you had it in Baltimore, either.
Good luck. I would just tell your mom that you’re so happy that she was able to make it/will be able to make it.
Post # 16
Do what makes YOU happy. We all fall into the trap of trying to please everyone when planning a wedding, but no matter who you are and where your wedding is, not everyone is going to be 100% thrilled with your decision.
There will always be drama, and as long as you and your fiance do what YOU want to do, that’s all that matters. After all, you’re the only two getting married 🙂
Go to Florida!! Get some sunshine and happiness in your life!