Post # 1
This weekend my biologicial father (whom I am close with and who has a very aggressive form of cancer) asked who I plan on having walk me down the aisle. I also have a step-dad who has been in my life for 12 years. I have lived with my mom and stepdad all my life but would see my bio-father often.
My bio-father has stating he wishes that he be the only one walking me down the aisle and in the event he is not able to do so (because of his illness) he wishes that his father or brother walk me down the aisle. He is very adament that it not be my stepfather as they are not on good terms.
When I mentioned this to my mother, she became very upset. She says I am being hurtful of my stepfather and her. But I also don’t want to hurt my biological father, as he is not doing well in the first place.
All of this is enough to make me want to elope and have none of them involved.
Post # 3
@sassysam928: Your Bio father is probably a little threathened by the step father and your relationship… even though you bio dad is your only bio dad. Even more so now that he has cancer. I think the reason for him wanting his family to walk you in the event that he can’t if so he can feel in some way he is apart of it. He doesn’t have a connection with your stepdad and he might feel if he can’t than he might get replaced maybe not just in the wedding but emotionally to you.
I also understand how this could be hurtful to your mom. Which makes it a tough call.
Maybe don’t walk with anyone in that event? Carry a rose for your dad?
I don’t have the answer but I can understand both sides. I would say follow your heart and what you think would be best for you. Feelings will get hurt but they won’t be forever ya know?
Post # 4
i am also in the same situation however i didnt know about my bio dad til i was 11. i cant decide between the two so i am having my younger brother give me away or my 5 year old daughter. i just couldnt choose and hurt one of them they both mean so much
Post # 5
Can your mother walk you down the aisle? Are you going to have a father/daughter dance? Perhaps you should substitute your mother for both and recognize both your fathers in some other way which doesn’t involve them standing close together next to you.
Post # 6
I’d recommend having both of them do it, one on each side? It is totally inappropriate for your father to try to dictate this decision. It is yours alone to make.
Post # 7
I would say Bio-Dad for sure
Post # 8
I’ve seen where the bio-father walks the bride down the aisle and when they get to the front the step-dad stands up and they both give her away.
Post # 9
I would say have both and in the event that your bio-dad can’t do it get a stand in for him. That way he is still involved the way he wants to be. But you still get to involve your step dad too. Tell him that youlove both of them and you know that he is your Dad and no one can replace him but your step dad means a lot to you too. That is if you want both.
Post # 10
@sassysam928: Do you NEED to have anyone walk you down the aisle and ‘give you away’? You could just avoid the controversy and not choose anyone
Then again I’ve always found the practice to be somewhat chauvinist
Post # 11
I had a friend whose step-father walked her from the room she was getting ready in to the start of the “official aisle” where her biological dad walked her to her groom. It was a great way to incorporate both. I know that your farther said that he wants to be the only one but if you are on good terms with your step father and want to include him this could be a good compromise.
Post # 12
I appreciate everyone’s advice on this issue. Unfortunately, not long after I posted this, my father passed away. Out of respect and honor for him, I’ve chosen to have my brother walk me down the aisle. I had a 1×1 talk with my step dad and explained the situation and how I felt, he was not offended in the least. My mom is still a little miffed, but she will get over it.