Post # 1
I have written a few posts about this bit now I really need everyone’s help! I had a bm drop out due to financial issues- now I have another girl who in the last few weeksahead had a lot of drama surrounding her. She basically maid my life a living hell for the last 6-9 months. She tried to get friends to go against me, not talk to me, made me out to be such a bad friend/person. Well turns out everyone finally caught on to what she was doing but me. She is going through a divorce cheated on her husband with her boss and in the meantime was talking crazy stuff about me to everyone. We got into a huge fight a few weeks ago at a friends Bday she was just being really mean and hurtful towards me then started calling my sister a bitch and a bad maid of honor. I lost it and told her I never wanted to speak with her again. Well the next night I guess her boss decided to dump her and she basically freaked and told everyone she was going to kill herself so I had her husband calling me and my Fiance, her husband has no clue about the bosS by the way, so of course I’m there for her Talk to her until she calms down and this goes on for days. Then my other friends who are not talking to her at this point for other reasons have a sit down with me and tell me everything that’s been going on, she told them I do drugs, that she never wanted to be In my wedding and all this other hurtful stuff. So now I feel used. She has apologized up and down and even wrote an email to my sister apologizing for anything she said.
Im just torn because I do love this girl but all of this coming out now makes me feel so sad that I ever trusted heR and I feel used. Since she is really trying to make things up to me do I let her stay in the wedding? Even though all my other BMs and mother have expressed concerns or do I tell her I can’t have her be a bm anymore and risk loosing any chance of getting our friendship back? I’m so confused 🙁
Post # 3
I’m of the opinion that actions speak louder than words. I’m glad she apologized for her behavior, but that doesn’t excuse how she has been treating you and everyone around her. Frankly, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend to begin with — would you feel comfortable knowing that asking her to step down while she figures out her own life could end whatever relationship you have left?
You might be doing her a favor by asking her to still attend but not participate. She obviously needs your support, but giving help at the expense of your own sanity/wedding/happiness is not part of a healthy friendship.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. A person who bashes you behind your back is not any kind of friend I’d want, and if she’s lashing out because of her own issues, she needs to focus on herself right now.
Post # 4
If you remove her from the bridal party, you will pretty much be removing her from your life.
Considering how she has treated you, perhaps this is an option at this point. If not, then just have a heart to heart… about the friendship, don’t bring the wedding up at all.
Post # 5
We did have a face to face talk last weekend and it was nothing about wedding just about the things she does and her trying to be apologetic but she doesn’t see how things she said to other people while venting should hurt me? It so weird. I don’t even know what to do at this point. I feel bad because she is trying to be a better person towards me now but in my mind I’m thinking is this enough to make up for all the damage she caused or will she do this again? I wish I had a stunt double that could tell her not to be in the wedding without caring! My problem is I care about other peoples feelings so much that I put that over how I’m feeling sometimes 🙁
Post # 6
Wow, I’m sorry, that sounds terrible! My best friend had a somewhat similar situation however, it was her Future Sister-In-Law that decided to act up. I hadn’t been asked originally to be in the wedding (which had kind of hurt my feelings) and then when things got bad enough, my best friend asked me to take her FSIL’s place. Unfortunately, because the girl was going to be her family, she ended up just dealing with the drama and the Future Sister-In-Law was in the wedding too. After that, she tried to tell me that I couldn’t be in the wedding, which started a big fight between us. Looking back, she was trying to please everyone too and I realized that I should have backed down and made things easier.
Personally, I’ve learned that toxic friendships don’t benefit anyone. I agree that actions speak louder than words and even though she’s apologized, she hasn’t changed her actions very much. Could you sit her down and tell her that you feel she needs to focus on herself and it might be better if she wasn’t involved in the wedding but you’d like her to come? And if she treats you like this constantly, especially when you need her the most, is that a friendship that you want to keep? Do you think she might be feeling jealous and acting out because she feels like your life is more on track than hers? Women have a tendency to create drama when they don’t know how else to deal with their emotions. Maybe a balanced response from you would help neutralize the situation. Tell her you feel for her while also getting rid of the drama within the wedding party. I hope this helps!