Need advice, DH and I have been arguing all week

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: How much is an acceptable amount of time away from home with friends?
    One night : (15 votes)
    32 %
    Two nights : (12 votes)
    26 %
    Three nights : (7 votes)
    15 %
    Four nights : (0 votes)
    Five nights : (0 votes)
    Six nights : (0 votes)
    Seven nights : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Depends : (12 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    7030 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Mrslovebug: If you had no kids, I would say 3 times a week would be reasonable when you’re pregnant.

    But wait. you already have a daughter! That cuts it back, I’d say to 1 night a week, maximum 2, without you. Because when he goes out, you’re stuck babysitting, Plus, you feel rotten with morning sickness (I never understood that term, “all day sickness” would be a better name). so he should be around. By my count he is going out 5 times a week without you (2 for music, 2 for church, 1 for hunting). Sorry, that’s ridiculous for a father, and doubly ridiculous for a father whose wife is pregnant.

    I 100% side with you. I think you should keep track of the hours he’s leaving you babysitting, and confront him and ask him when he’s going to make those hours up. Perhaps say he can go out 5 nights a week… IF he minds your daughter and does housework all weekend while you’re free to do what you want all weekend.

    Post # 4
    2627 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Mrslovebug:  I would simply say “Lets make a deal” I get to go out as often as you get to go out and we need to have equal amount of time together at home.  

    So that means 3 days home together, 2 days he gets to do something and 2 days you get to go do something.  Maybe then he will see that he actually has had a pretty darn good deal. He is going to have to prioritize what is most fun for him or learn to work in events in another way. IE bringing his daughter to church to play music and involving her in the event while you do what you want to do that evening (even if its just sitting in bed or going to the gym)

    That many nights out a week away from family is too many. I dont think it matters what he is doing, as long as its extra curricular its a choice.   He should be spending quality time with you and your daughter and you should be allowed to have you time as well.


    Post # 6
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee


    it seems like this would have been a more understandable argument at 22, not 27.

    I completely agree with you on this. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!

    I would pull a bit of reverse psychology on him. Right now the flow of energy in the argument is that he’s claiming you’re controlling him and keeping him from running wild and free. You’re trying to just talk sense into him.

    OK. So take a big, fat pin and pop his little balloon. Tell him “Alright, you want to go to the bar and play music? Go for it. Want to hang out with the friends who took you to the strip club after we had discussed that you wouldn’t? Go for it.” Let him know that you don’t like it, but that on the other hand you’re not going to tell him what to do.

    Then shut your mouth and just sit back and watch what he does.

    He may go out partying more often, but then again, he might actually realize **on his own ** that the time has come for him to set those things aside, put his big boy pants on, and stand by your side.

    In other words, let go of the argument and see if he can come to this realization on his own. 

    Post # 7
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2005

    Right now it seems like he’s playing the victim card.  “you never let him do anything or go out with his friends”  but yall have a daughter with another kid on the way and he needs to realize he isn’t going to always be able to do the things HE wants to do.  If he can go out once a week that’s great but to expect more when yall already have a family is putting his own needs above everyone elses.  Some of this, I’m sure, isn’t helped by all the hormones but there is nothing wrong with wanting some cuddle time with your DH when you aren’t feeling your best because of pregnancy or a stressful day.  When was the last time YOU have been able to have a gal’s night out?

    Post # 9
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I think your husband is having trouble letting go of his single life. Married adults have different priorities than constantly hanging out with friends, especially when there are children involved.

    My husband is far more introverted than I am and he rarely sees his friends. I spend a lot more time then him on the phone with my besties, as well as outings with girlfriends. If I go out one night, I don’t go out the following one. I also try to talk on the phone when he is busy doing something else such as watching one of his television shows that I don’t care for.

    Post # 11
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i voted one night a week…and we don’t have any kids. honestly, with one small child and a pregnant wife, going out should be a treat that happens once or twice a month. ESPECIALLY since he has a drinking problem! he should be at home with his family. if he insists on going out so much he should take your daughter with him. i bet he’ll be home a lot sooner.

    Post # 12
    3128 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    @Mrslovebug:  He has one child and another on the way… there is no “prime of your youth” at this point. It is time to behave like a responsible adult.

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