Post # 1
So long story kinda short – one of my bridesmaids went crazy last week and I have never seen her this way.
The story begins when she hit me up because someone she knew from her office was looking to get hired at my company. So she was asking me to refeer him in. Because she used to work at the company she joked with me that well if he got hired, I should give her the commission we get for recruiting.
I said haha, yah well if he gets hired we can split it. I left it at that because the guy was not even hired yet.
The guy gets hired (we still have a 90 day trial period to go through on it also) – and I get a text from her saying My husband and I except to see OUR bonus LOL.
Backstory is…she got married in April and I was her maid of honor at a destination wedding. Mine is also a destination wedding that will cost about the same.
I respond back saying oh yah, well if I get it, after taxes and all I can give her half. She doesn’t work at the company and technically was doing something to help this guy get an in with the company and I was more than happy to split it with her.
She goes OFF…tells me how she bought me a $9 meal back 4 yrs ago and how she does generous things for friends and then said “I don’t think I should continue being a generous friend to you if you feel you deserve any portion of that bonus from someone you’ve never met. That’s the opposite of generous, that is stingy.”
This was a week ago and I am trying to pick out bridesmaid dresses. She was supposed to be a bridesmaid but she also commented on how it was nuts to tell her I would only give her half and then ask her to come to my destination wedding.
Do I plan everything without her in it? I forgive easily, but this one completely made me feel like she should not be in my wedding.
Post # 3
@beachrunner26: she’s outta line that’s for sure…what to do..I don’t know what to tell you.
Post # 4
@beachrunner26: It sounds like she isn’t too much of an actual friend at all. People who hold things like paying for a meal over your head are ones that you just don’t need in your life. I would move on and eliminate her from the bridal party. Focus on people who REALLY want to be there for your wedding. 🙂
Post # 5
She doesn’t sound like a real friend at all…
And honestly, she’s just freaking insane if she expected you to split that bonus with her. That was a perk for working at her old company. If she wanted to keep that perk, she should have stayed there.
I wonder how she would feel if the situation was reversed.
Post # 6
Any suggestions on how to approach the situation on hey you are not invited? Or just don’t talk to her?
I didn’t respond back to her mean texts because there was no winning and I am a lover, not a fighter. But I haven’t heard from her since.
Post # 7
I think you guys need to pick up the phone and talk to each other. This sounds like texting gone out of control
Post # 8
@beachrunner26: So she did this guy a favor, in turned she ask you to do HER a favor. And now she wants payment for her favor, but your favor should be out of the kindness of your heart? I’m confused. Also. This is a sign. I would specifically address with her how petty she sounds bringing up $9 meals from four years ago. After that (and I realize this next part is a bit more aggressive than some people like to get), I’d mention that on second thought, I can see her point that it’s not fair to both keep half the commission AND ask her to come to my destination wedding. To that end, I will keep the entire commission and she does not have to worry about going to the expense of being in or attending my wedding.
Post # 10
@Overjoyed: Add in that I went to her destination wedding in April and bachlorette party at a destination as well. None were cheap and cost about what my destination wedding will cost her.
But right – I see her point, but she also does not work for the company and I am the one putting my butt on the line for referring the guy in. If she went to anyone else she would get nothing. Plus she would have gotten a bonus for referring me in but did not stay long enough for it. If she had, I would not have been offered the full bonus she got because of me.
Post # 11
@beachrunner26: I wouldn’t not talk to her. Start up a conversation and just say, “I’m sorry, but I just dont’ feel like you are being a good friend to me. Friends don’t hold grudges and they would be supporting me right now…not making it more stressful.” Something to that effect. Either way, just have a heart to heart, calm conversation letting her know that she is no longer invited to the wedding or to be a part of the bridal party.
It’ll probably be a hard conversation, but you’ll save yourself a lot of stress and heartache. 🙂
Post # 12
@beachrunner26: the price you paid to attend her DW was worth it to you at the time, I’m sure. It’s a sunk cost. I wouldn’t even mention it. Just excuse her from attending yours since it’s such a burden, smh. And by all means make it clear that you are excusing her from attending since SHE made a big deal of how expensive it has been to be a friend of yours over the years, what with spending $9 on a meal and whatnot.