Post # 1
Backstory: my SO and I have been together almost 7 years. We were engaged once before after 3 years and I even planned a wedding but my mom was sick with cancer and I tried to rush everything. It ended up putting a huge strain on us (he lost his own mother to cancer) and so we decided to just return to being gf and bf and postpone marriage indefinitely. I’m really glad we did because 1) we weren’t truly ready and 2) my mom passed away a few months before when our wedding would have been and I know that would have been soooo painful to have that so fresh on my mind. Well, after the stress of planning one wedding, neither of us wanted another. His father and stepmother are very controlling and tried to take over the original one despite the fact that they were not paying for it (SO and I were and still are paying). So now that we feel more ready, we’ve decided to elope out of state (SO’s parents would kill us if they knew we got married close to home and didn’t invite them so a “destination elopement” sounded more fair). This really fits our personalities because I am easily stressed by crowds and trying to please everyone and my SO isn’t really into the “show” that comes along with a traditional wedding.
Plus, i’m not close to my extended family, my dad isn’t in the picture and my SO doesn’t really like his dad/stepmom. We originally planned for it to just be us but then we told my sister and my best friend and now they want to go. I’m not sure if I should invite them bc the wedding is happening out of state and it would cost them hundreds of dollars to go. I don’t want to ask them to pay that kind of money, especially since we originally planned it for the two of us bc we were saving and knew it would fit in our budget. Plus, we would have to keep it a secret from everyone if my sister and bestfriend went and I hate lying.
My questions are: 1) if you eloped, how did you tell your loved ones (what did you say? Did you tell them before or after?), 2) did you also feel pressured to have your siblings/friends there, 3) how soon did you send announcements after the event?
Post # 2
We are having a private ceremony with our officiant and witnesses, and then a few months later in the spring we’re having a small celebration. I never had a need to have a big party or to have lots of people watching me get married. There are also logistic reasons for the timing. My parents are ok with it since they had a similar style wedding.
When I tell people, sometimes they get confused about the two different events, but we had a number of legit reasons for doing it that way. Since the private ceremony is going to be very minimal, there is no expectation for any friends or family to be there, but that’s probably also because we’re doing the celebration later on.
Post # 3
We are eloping. My parents aren’t too happy about it, but we’ve put our foot down. No one will be there but us. My kids will not even be there because the youngest two will be in school, and oldest is in the Navy.
Our whole view is that it is OUR relationship. I would probably rethink it if all of my kids were at home, but since oldest is away, it’d feel like it’s not complete.
Plus, we’d much rather spend that money traveling.
Post # 4
We have decided to plan a destination elopement as the stress of planning a family affair was a nightmare and actually made us want to walk away. My family also didn’t appear to care that much and I figured the wedding was really only for them anyway. What we did was pick somewhere that is reasonably cheap to get to by plane and then I told my best friends and his brother what we were planning and let them know if they wanted a week away with a wedding in the middle they were more than welcome it wouldn’t be too expensive to come and it could be their holiday that year. We also said we would take them all for a lovely meal and stock the villa with a weeks worth of food and drink and keep it laid back and fun. So far anyone I have mentioned it to have been over the moon and can’t wait. I gave them plenty of notice too as it isn’t till 2016! X
Post # 5
Tinajay971: My questions are:
1) if you eloped, how did you tell your loved ones (what did you say? Did you tell them before or after?).
Well everyone knew of our plans in advance. I did not hide it and I told anyone who asked. We had had a wedding planned with guests, but my dad was dying and we cancelled it. Good thing beause he did pass away 45 days before that previous date. It would have been very sad to do a wedding after a funeral. Afterwards, it was too hard to get family out for a wedding even months after his passing (more due to lacking in time, vacation days or money), so we decided to just go for it alone. Best decision ever. No stress once we had our plans!
2) did you also feel pressured to have your siblings/friends there?
I had no pressure from any family or friends. Well one friend said “I better be invited this time!” because I also eloped for my first marriage. But honestly, that was just a friendly thing for her to say, I seriously did not adjust my plans due to her one comment. I think it was just to be funny. My siblings and mother really could have cared less what we did. In fact, they were grateful that they did not have to travel to our state. Saved them time and money. Plus I did not have to deal with their drama – bonus for us.
3) how soon did you send announcements after the event?
We did not do annoucements. We did update our Facebook status to married, and shared some photos when we got them. Otherwise, I made a Christmas card 4 months later that was a photo of us and sent that out to people just to get the final word out.
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Post # 6
We are eloping. Our families have been very understanding, but my advice to you would be not to tell too many people, we have already have two friends ask to come along, they are close friends. We made it clear that we wanting it to be just us and our daughter, but I guess sometimes people don’t get it.
When we were planning our wedding it was stressful and we worried about this person seeing that person etc…. Yesterday we actually had a ball with our six year old, going through the activities we can do on Daydream Island, our daughter wants to leave this week!
I am so happy.we decided to elope. Don’t worry about what you have to tell other people or what they might think. Its your relationship, your wedding and your day!
Post # 7
We are not engaged yet but are planning to elope once we do get married. So far all the family and friends that we have told of our plans seem to be fine with it, we decided to be open about it not hide anything except we will be keeping the date a secret. One of my friends made a comment that she would have liked to be involved in the planning and attend as a bridesmaid. I calmly explained to her that once we invite one we will be forced to invite all, I also explained that this is how we wish to do it and why. She was not upset, but not quite happy either. I feel that true friends should respect your decision and family too, whether they will that is a totally different story. I guess that that is part of the responsibility of eloping, dealing with the emotion surrounding you decision.
We will be sending out elopement announcements once we are back, I will be making the announcements before we leave and once we are back I am just going to include a few pictures on a CD and send them out.
Post # 8
1) if you eloped, how did you tell your loved ones (what did you say? Did you tell them before or after?)
We took a picture of us holding a sign that says “we eloped” (see avatar) and texted it to our family! ha!
2) did you also feel pressured to have your siblings/friends there
Nope – we wanted to elope, not have a wedding
3) how soon did you send announcements after the event?
We didn’t send announcements. Pretty much posted it on facebook and told family, so everyone who means something to us knew from that.
Post # 9
We are eloping as well and having a celebration a couple months later. It is our day and you should plan it the way it makes you happy.