- 5 years ago
So this is going to be long, but I really need some help from fellow bees.
My FI and I have been together for 10 years. We are 30+, professionally successful, and have built a lovely life together. We recently decided it was time to tie the knot and start a new chapter in our life together. Please note we are covering 100% of the wedding expenses ourselves with no parental contributions.
We have always wanted a small, intimate wedding. I believe that the exchange of vows is personal and I don’t want a circus-like wedding where my lifelong commitment is entertainment for people I barely know.
Since we would like to get married in 2013 (which is apparently crazy in the wedding industry) and don’t want 100+ guests and a $30k+ bill, we decided to do a small destination wedding with just immediate family and close friends.
We found a lovely lodge to rent in the mountains, where we would provide accommodation, food and entertainment for our guests. We felt this was a great way to spend our money – to give our loved ones a wonderful and memorable trip with a side of wedding. Guests would be responsible only for plane tickets ($300-400). After this trip (we would take no honeymoon) we would throw a large, informal party for extended family to celebrate with those who wanted to share our joy.
Apparently, this plan is totally unacceptable to our mothers. Both of whom have completely flipped out about this. The lack of tradition, religion, the limited guest list and the destination have all been attacked. I have spent countless hours being told what they want with no regard to what we want at all.
We have carefully explained our finances and reasoning behind these choices. We initially were ecstatic about our plan because it was truly our “dream” wedding. Instead, we are expected to throw a large, lavish and expensive party for their benefit, no questions asked. One mother said it will take her “years” to “get over the disappointment” of our wedding. I am really devastated about the lack of support, excitement and encouragement about our plans. I don’t feel obligated to “impress” people with my wedding, nor do I wish to give my mother an opportunity to show off.
Our dream wedding will require expense and planning, so I am feeling like its not worth it if people only begrudgingly attend and do not even enjoy it. We are beginning to feel as though elopement is the only option.
I have never been so anxious and unhappy as I have been since I got engaged. My FI and I constantly discuss how miserable this has made us. I am feeling very hurt that our parents don’t respect our choices and are behaving really childishly about all of this. I’m just not sure what to do.
I know if we elope it will cause massive drama, but at this point I’d rather ask for forgiveness than permission. Thoughts on how to handle everything?