NEED ADVICE: How to forgive when it's deja vu

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NinjaWings:  I don’t understand. Why don’t you simply decline the invitation and drop this person from your life? I don’t see any reason to waste any energy trying to come to any resolution or understanding with D. He has proven not to be a friend. What do you think you will accomplish?

Post # 5
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I assume the only reason you’re even considering going is because your fiance wants to go.  If this person really means a lot to him and he’s dead set on going, I’d say suck it up and go for his sake.  You don’t need to be friends with D, you just have to put on a nice outfit, send a gift, smile and eat their food. 

If your fiance isn’t the one that wants to go, and you just feel some vague guilt or obligation, then fill out the part on the card that says “must regretfully decline” and send a nice card.  Delete the texts, emails and just let him exit your life.

Post # 7
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NinjaWings:  He already knows you are not friends and he doesn’t care.

Post # 8
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just don’t go and don’t respond to his overtures. Pretty easy!

Post # 9
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think not attending his wedding will be enough to assure him that no, you are not friends. Don’t hold out for an apology.

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You don’t have to talk to him… Just don’t go to the wedding!

Post # 12
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@NinjaWings:  In that case, I’d organize something with your real friends and go out for drinks and have a mini-reunion!  Whether or not it’s the same day depends on how nice you are.  My thought is that you shouldn’t go to a wedding if you’re not truly happy for the couple.  If your fiance was really good friends and you were being supportive for him, then that would be different.  But D hasn’t acted like a friend to you at any point, and it seems like he’s actively tried to sabotage your relationship.  You don’t owe him anything. 

Post # 14
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@NinjaWings:  Um, none of you actually like the bride or groom. I think it’s pretty crappy to use the wedding of someone you don’t even like as an opportunity for some reunion. Do that on your own time/dollar. Just simply decline the invite. This all sounds so high school, except you are all supposed to be adults.

ETA: Your update makes it even worse 🙁 

Post # 15
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@NinjaWings:  This all sounds sort of… immature.

If you don’t like him, don’t go. That’ll get the message across.

And, don’t use his wedding as the forum for a reunion of your friends, or as the forum to make a point to about D just how little you guys care about his life.

You might hate the guy, but he deserves to have people at his wedding who actually care about how, or at least don’t wish him ill-will.

If your friends (or you for that matter) still have a bone to pick later, do it at a more appropriate place. But at a certain point you & your friends are going to have to learn that adults shouldn’t let these petty things go on for ages.

If you don’t like somebody leave them alone & ignore them.

Post # 16
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sept22insf:  

@Kat:  

+1 — don’t use this man’s wedding as an opportunity to have a reunion with your friends. Handle this like an adult, and just write this person out of your life. There’s no need for some big confrontation or drama.

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