(Closed) Need advice–issues with parents. Plz help

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Pomapoo:  OH boy!  That is a tough situation.  First off, I think maybe your
Dad should offer money, NOT the rehearsal that was already taken care of (being paid for by FI’s mom).  Could you ask your Mom if it would be ok if your Dad invited people if he paid for part of the wedding?  If she agreed to this maybe you could explain the situation to your Dad.  My feeling is that you should be extra careful to not upset your Mom.  Sounds like she has been behind you all along and your Dad is flying in last minute so he can bring his friends (no offense).  You sound like a peacemaker type person but you have to understand how this must look for your Mom, who is taking care of the wedding.  Have you considered telling your Father no to inviting his guests and turning down the rehearsal dinner?

Post # 4
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really dont think your mom has the right to tell your dad not to bring his friends if he is willing to pay their way. I honestly think that the both of them should put you first and put their differences on hold for the duration of the wedding. Its different if your dad wanted to bring his friends and not pay anything, but if he is willing to pay for them, I think your mom should let it slide. Ultimately its your wedding and not your moms so you should have the last say.

Post # 5
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@bells: I think you are right but she probably shouldn’t start anything with her Mom considering her Mom is paying for everything else.  I don’t know…it seems to me that this girl is trying to stay away from conflict.

Post # 7
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wait, so FI’s mom already said she wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but then you told your dad that he could pay for it?

Post # 8
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Pomapoo: Here’s the most important question that you need to answer before deciding:  what is  YOUR relationship with your father?

If there is none, then why worry over telling him “no guests allowed”?  If you do have a relationship, why not talk it out with him?  Explain your mom’s feelings, that you don’t want to anger her because she’s paying so much (aka don’t bite the hand that feeds you) and that you think it would be best if only he and ONE guest comes.  (a plus one for dad seems to be a good compromise on both sides, in my opinon).

Your FI is probably right: if he doesn’t get to invite anyone to the wedding, he’ll make sure they’re invited to the rehersal, especially if HE is paying (I’m guessing he is probably planning on that regardless, but I could be wrong).

Regardless of which way you go, you need to start off with your relationship with your dad.  That way,  you’ll have a basis for talking to your mom AND your father.  (Also, you might want to find out how MANY he’s thinking of inviting… that could be a big factor in YOUR talk to him…).

good luck!  and sorry you’re stuck in this position!

Post # 9
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry you are in this situation! I would say your dad should be able to invite guests if he going to pay for them. I’m not in the same situation but kinda similar. My father and I had always been best friends until he recently got married to a woman who hates me and now I’m not even sure he is coming to my wedding. So I somewhat understand your sticky situation. I hope everythign works out for you.

Post # 10
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with PP. If the issue with your mom is money, and he agreed to pay for his friends, then they should be able to come. Im sure she is just upset that he didnt offer to help from the begining and thats understandable.

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