(Closed) Need Advice (long)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
34 posts
Newbee

It sounds to me like he will want to explore both sides of his sexuality for the rest of his life.  Being bisexual, he should be with someone who is open to this.  You will have to ask yourself if this is something you can accept.  Some women can.  If you can not accept the fact that he may want to engage sexually with gay men, you should not marry him.

Post # 4
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m going to share 2 personal stories about ME…and please don’t think this is me saying that the exact same thing is going on w/ him. I am just sharing my similar experience.

 

In college, I dated a guy who, after a year, told me that he thought he might be bi-sexual. It didn’t shock me; he had not been overly interested in intimacy with me, but it was very difficult for me because I really liked him. However, I told him that I wanted him to explore this side of himself and figure out what he really wanted. So, we broke up, but we remained friends. He did not tell ANYone for a while about his thinking he might be bi; I was the only one who knew, and this was difficult for me.

Eventually, he came out as not bi, but gay. He started to really embrace who he really was, and he is now in a great relationship with a man, and they are both very happy. He became a totally different person as he embraced who he really was, and I’m very glad that he’s been allowed to blossom into a happy, fulfilled person in a fulfilling relationship.

 

About 2 years ago, I started dating a guy who admitted to some interests that made me suspect that he might be bi/gay. I asked him about it, and he swore up and down that he wasn’t. After we broke up, I found that he was secretly posting on craigslist and other website trying to meet men for “fun.” He continued to do this even though he was now dating another woman. He just will NOT admit his interests to himself or anyone else it seems…. he’s very unhappy, and I am very glad to be out of that relationship.

Post # 5
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think he’s probably not being completely honest with you.

For the record, I do believe that some bisexual people are capable of being in a monogamous relationship with a person of the opposite sex.

However, for me personally, I would only want to be with a man that was full-on staight. But everyone needs to decide what is acceptable to them.

I do think before you marry this man, you need to sit down and have a full on honest discussion with him. He needs to be truthful with you about his sexual orientation.

Post # 6
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kimm99:  “For the record, I do believe that some bisexual people are capable of being in a monogamous relationship with a person of the opposite sex.”


Um.  Being bisexual just means you’re interested in people of both sexes, not that you want to have sex all the time.  ANYONE can be in a monogamous relationship, regardless of their sexual orientation.  Just like some HETERO people cheat, so do some bi and gay people cheat.  Let’s not be ridiculous.


OP, if your guy is actively interested in pursuing other people, you should take offense and figure it all out.  If he is not interested in pursuing other people, but just interested in general, that’s a less serious issue (in my opinion).  Either way, have a conversation!

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you have to talk about it. You need to know exactly where he is and then decide if you are ok with that. 

Post # 8
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Beeyoutifully Me:  If they’re in a monogamous relationship, he doesn’t get to explore any sides of his sexuality except with her. Just because he’s bi doesn’t mean he gets to sleep with men and women, just like being straight doesn’t mean you get to sleep with other women (unless that’s something both of you agree to). 

Post # 9
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Neetch:  Wow, I totally missed what she said.

 

People…why do you automatically assume that if a person is bisexual he/she cannot control him/herself???  If a guy is straight, you don’t make comments like, “He’ll want to explore his sexuality for the rest of his life.”  We expect straight men to be monogamous.  We get pissed if they aren’t.  The same standards should hold for people of all sexual orientations.  

Post # 10
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@peachacid:  I don’t see where we are disagreeing, I was stating that in response to Beeyoutifully Me ‘s post where she stated that he would want to explore both sides of his sexuality for the rest of his life, which is not necessarily true.

You did see that I said I “do belive” not I “don’t” believe, right?

 

Post # 11
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kimm99:  You said you believe SOME bisexual people are capable of being monogamous, which is a comment based on the idea that MOST bisexual people are not.  If that’s not what you meant, please clarify.

Post # 12
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@peachacid:  Maybe “some” and “capable” weren’t the right words to use, I wrote my post very quickly I should have put more thought into my phrasing.  We are in agreement on this topic, I assure you.

For the record, I believe gay, straight, and bisexual people are all equally capable of being in a monogamous relationship.

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kimm99:  Yay!  Me too.  =)

@pinkcrush:  I would say something like…”The app I saw on your phone has been worrying me for [however long].  Can we talk about it?”

Make it about how you are worried…and good luck.  I imagine it will be very difficult to discuss.  =/

Post # 16
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with @peachacid to approach the topic like you are worried/concerned, rather than coming off as defensive or accusatory. Try not to make it seem like a big deal or horribly offensive, but just something in your relationship that should be addressed. He most likely already feels uncomfortable discussing the topic. If he feels like you’re going to blow up, become angry or extremely emotional, he probably won’t open up to you at all.

Do you know the name of the app he was using? You could always do a search to see when the app was released, which might give you an idea of when he downloaded it. If it was released during the time you were together, then that’s obviously not a good sign. 

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