- 7 years ago
So a good friend of mine for the past 6yrs is having his wedding in Mexico. The wedding is taking place in Oct. 2011 and I have just been informed as has everyone else, giving me very little time to prepare for it financially. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue and I would be right on board and more than happy to attend.
Only thing is, I myself have a wedding coming up in summer of 2012 and need to start getting everything in order. My fiancée and I have a budget about 40k and are paying for it our self, so every dollar counts. I don’t really want to say NO to my bud but giving the circumstances I think I might have to make a smart financial decision here.
But here is the kicker, when I first was informed on when the wedding date was, it initially worked out well for me since I have to attend another wedding that same day. When I told my buddy and his fiancée that I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it because of that conflict. The following week he tells me that they changed the date to 2 weeks later just so I can attend. Let me point out when I told him I won’t be able to attend I did not say anything like “if you change the date I can make it”. He didn’t even bother asking me either. Took it solely upon himself to change the date with the assumption that I will be coming if I had nothing else planned.
I’m so confused and don’t know what to do to now. How do I tell him I can’t attend even after the fact they changed the date just for me? I already was having a hard time deciding weather or not to attend before I new of the initial date.
They just got engaged in November of 2010 and I kind of feel that giving your guests just a few short months to prepare is kind of selfish. I say only a few months cause realistically if I’m going to go I can’t wait till last minute and then end up paying double. So, I would have to purchase flight, hotel, and transportation within the next month or so. Let me point out for their engagement (which was destination as well) LAS VEGAS to be exact: my fiancée and I both were their.
Is it rude of me to be a little frustrated that my buddy is expecting to much from me with these two big trips that when all set and done will have cost me about $3,000 in just 11 months.
Let me point out as well, my fiancée and I do well for our self’s financially and my buddy knows this. Where not rich but we work hard and like to enjoy our self’s. Many times a week we go out to nice dinner’s or hit up some form of entertainment. My buddy thinks’ we spend excessively since we are always the one’s who says yes to everyone when invited to parties/clubs/dinner’s/trips. He on the other hand is extremely frugal and although I would love to say I believe my buddy would be there for me no questions asked. I know in my heart if he was in same position he wouldn’t attend. If I tell him I can’t attend how do I do it when he knows the lifestyle I live without him thinking I’m just trying to get out of it?
Anyone who has been in similar situation’s please tell me what you did. How did you approach it? Do I go and forget about all the B.S. involved and look at it as an investment in our friendship?
Also, say I do attend and trip costs me $1300, plus expensives, plus gift bringing total to about $2,000. Is it wrong of me to expect a gift for my wedding from this friend the following year somewhere near that amount? I have always heard guests should give depending on how close you are to bride/groom and also if their was a wedding prior then something equal or greater from what you received. Is this true?