Post # 1
I really don’t know what to do anymore to deal with FI’s family. I’ve always gotten along with them so well for the most part (for the last several years we’ve been together) including his first cousin who is a few years younger than me, but we got to be very close. Within the last few weeks things have gotten a little dramatic. FI’s mom an SIL accusing me of forgetting an invitation to one of their family members (when it was not true), talking behind my back about it, etc.
Now FI’s cousin, who is a bridesmaid and very immature and fickle, has decided she hates me. She ditched my bachelorette party to hang out with her BF, which I only found out through Facebook. FI and I called her out on it (in a VERY civil way, however) and said “I understand” and “Don’t worry about it” after she finally explained herself. Well, I guess she is pissed we had the nerve to call her out in the first place. She was nasty and miserable at my bridal shower, and again at another family event, and wouldn’t even talk to me. This is a girl who used to call me any time of day and night with some “crisis” and I would spoon feed her love and advice. I have ALWAYS been there for her and she used to adore me and I don’t know how to deal. I called her to clear the air and she told me she was just sick that day and wasn’t mad at me, but judging by her continuing bad attitude and the change in our relationship I know that is not true.
HELP. HOW do I deal with a difficult, immature bridesmaid who is going to be walking down the aisle thinking about how much she hates me? I am trying to engage her and just getting nothing. I don’t want her ruining our wedding pictures like she ruined every picture at the shower with a miserable face on. I wish I could kick her out, and so does FI, but I would never do that to his family. So what do I do?!
Post # 3
It sounds like you are the type to be the bigger person and you should do just that. Some people are always miserable. Just remember that you can’t change other people or control their actions, you can only control and change you. So don’t let the brat get to you. Don’t expect anything helpful or nice from her and you won’t be disappointed. Her role, as you said, will be to walk down the aisle. Whether it’s jealousy, pettiness, or a love for drama, this girl is not going to be anything more than that for you. It’s great that you have a supportive fiance, and hopefully other bridesmaids that will fill her gap 🙂
Post # 4
Stop trying to engage her and leave her alone, right now you’re giving her exactly hat she wants which is attention. In fact I’d try not to engage anyone and just do your own thing, finish up your wedding prep, and steer clear of anyone trying to cause drama. If they think youre being distant just tell them you have a lot going on trying to finish things up.
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice. I guess my problem is that I don’t WANT the distance from her right now – she is family, and I want her to like me. I know that sounds ridiculous considering how she is acting, but it would mean so much to me for her to be truly excited on and around our wedding day. And I know it’s not an easy task to win over such difficult people, especially one who is not so mature if she’s made up her mind about me. But I feel like if I do try to engage her, maybe it will make her see that she is wrong about me… and I guess in the end that’s what I really want. What do you think?
Post # 6
Why not ask her out to lunch or something? And try and have a fun girl date that will soften her up. That way things might not be so tense..?
Post # 7
@CherryHills: That’s a good idea. Just need to hope she says yes… I have tried talking about it on the phone, tried getting coffee with her a couple of weeks ago, and she said she couldn’t go. There are some DIFFICULT people in this world, let me tell you. I am trying so hard, I wonder if it will get me anywhere.
I guess the thing that really gets me is that I am not a bad person and never did anything bad to her. She did something that really hurt me, and when I calmly confronted it this is what happened. Maybe some people just want to be miserable 🙁 But I don’t!!