Post # 1
Okay, so I am completely new to the site here, and I would like to ask for some advice about dealing with not inviting an aunt to the wedding.
Here’s the backstory on the situation: A while back my aunt said some truly horrible things about myself and my father (who is paying for the reception, btw). The things she said were all pretty nasty lies, mostly putting my dad down for him not being there throughout my childhood, and me not raising my son (I’m disabled and can barely get by on my own financially) She did this on Facebook, and got other family involved, she is generally a very selfish, rude, mean person, and I do not want her at the wedding. Period. She is not a person I feel should be a part of such an important day after what she did to me. She also has never apologized, has picked fights with me since the Facebook incident, and argues that she didn’t do anything, and she did nothing wrong. So, my dilemma is this: She lives with my grandparents (her parents) since her husband died 6 years ago and she’s “struggling financially”. My grandparents I do want to invite to the wedding, I have no issues really with them. Its just when I send them their invite and it doesn’t have my aunts name on it, she will more than likely either A) Get angry and harass me about it or B) Crash the wedding and claim that she thought she was invited since she lives with my grandparents. How do I make it VERY CLEAR that she is NOT invited, without starting World War III?? I don’t need the stress of dealing with her crap, and I don’t want her there. But I also don’t want to start a fight with her. Any ideas??
Post # 3
Very simple put both of your grandparents name on the invitation and say 2 seats are reserved in your honor. That makes it clear who is invited.
However she’s gonna get pissed off and harass you about it so brace yourself I don’t see a way around that.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear that, sounds like a rough situation. My suggestion would be to send her a polite note explaining why you are sorry but are not comfortable inviting her. If possible also try to explain to your grandparents privately beforehand, that way it won’t come as a surprise to them.
Post # 5
@imalittlebirdie: I agree with this. There isn’t any way you can address it directly without starting a huge fight. I may also talk to my grandparents directly about it as well to let them know the situation.
Post # 6
@imalittlebirdie: Thank you for the advice. I guess in my frustration over this whole thing the simplest resolution is the hardest to see. I think my biggest fear with this problem is she is going to still show up anyway. Thats where my issue with how to deal with her comes in. I’m very non-confrontational.
Post # 7
I agree with other posters- address an invite to your grandparents, with 2 seats reserved in their honour listed on the reply card.
If you can before the invite goes out, maybe take your grandparents aside, let them know your wishes to not have your aunt there because of the way she has treated you. Your grandparents probably would not be too keen on the disrespect your aunt has shown you and hopefully will understand the reason why you do not want her there on your special day. A wedding is a day where everything is “perfect” and all about you and Fiance. Don’t let others, family or otherwise rain on your parade!
Side note – hopefully this isn’t necessary, but if you really feel that she may crash your wedding, is there a close friend or someone you can ask to sort of keep an eye out for her and politely let her know she is not welcome to join in on the reception/ceremony? I know we have a coordinator at our reception hall that is part of the venue’s packages we purchased, that might be the type of person who could be your ‘security’ if necessary…
Best of luck, I’m sorry this is such an icky scenario for you. Keep your chin up – this is YOUR wedding! 🙂
Post # 8
@jlc3: I do have a good friend coming to the wedding who looks like a bouncer and has no problem showing folks the door when need-be. Lol. Maybe I’ll see if he would mind taking on that responsibility for the evening.
Post # 9
i would tell her point blank that since you don’t condone her behavior, she will not be invited to your wedding, You need to stand up for yourself
Post # 10
Stop trying to avoid WWWIII. Sometimes these wars have to take place.
I had to deal with a TON of drama around the wedding. I hated every single second of it. What I didn’t realize it was helping me stand my ground and prepare myself for marriage (and dealing with family drama in general). Hind sight 🙂 (all that to say – it will get better!)
My advice is to be direct. I’d tell your grandparents your aunt is NOT invited. And, I’d also message your aunt and tell her something like: I’m sure you’ll hear of my upcoming wedding, since you are living with ‘x’. I wanted you to know that you are not invited, as I feel you are not a supportive role in my life.
She will get angry, she will likely harass you – but you don’t have to listen to it and you certainly don’t have to respond. Just let her garbage wash off you – don’t read her messages – block her from FB, don’t take her calls, etc.
Post # 11
@Gracie8688: Perfect! Hahah. 😛
It’s sucky that you have to even ask a friend to do that, but hey – I’ve heard some crazy stories, it’s not like you have to have them suited up in security gear 😉
Post # 12
I had this problem (well, very similar at least). I had to get face-to-face with my grandmother and tell her that her son and his wife were not invited. Period. My mother then handled subsequent conversations (2 of them) about the “why” and “are you sure” and “what if this scenario happened instead” topics. I did not mail my grandmother an invite (because I didn’t want it laying around with the time, date, location, etc…). I did show her the invites I was in the process of making at the time of our face-to-face meeting.