Post # 1
Im posting this here because its not wedding related, but I am really worried it might spill over into wedding issues. I would really appreciate any advice and guidance I can get so thanks for reading my post!
A couple of months ago, the FI and I were in a wreck that totaled his car. Thankfully, no one was hurt! The insurance is on the FIL’s name, so they received the check for the vaule $4000. The FI and I were under the impression that FI would be able to use that money for a down payment for another car (and remainder toward the wedding.) In the mean time, FI was using my car.
When the insurance check came, my FILs decided they are going to keep the money and maybe help out with a downpayment of $500. OK. Now, we both work full time and spent a lot of our free time looking for affordable cars, financing etc.
FI called my yesterday to inform me that his mom is coming to pick him up after work, take him home (they live 2 hours away in a small town) to buy a car there, stay the night and drive back with his new ride.
What Im really upset about is doing all then work to find a car when I feel like my FI is just going along with anything his parents decide for him. FILs may also cosign for this car, even though we dont need them to.
All discussions have been between the FI and FILs. My FILs have always been really great and sweet about everything….up til now…. and now, I feel worried. I havent spoken to FILs on either the car or wedding finances.
Am I worrying over nothing? Im so annoyed by him going to purchase a car 2hours away just because his parents picked it out! Also, FILs are saying they will help us pay for the wedding but they won’t give us an actual figure. After seeing what happened with the insurace money, Im not sure if we can trust them to keep their word. I said I didnt want a wedding and rather elope (I dont have much family for a wedding) and FMIL insists to FI we have a wedding. What would you do??
Post # 3
A few clarifying questions:
Who paid for the car originally? If your FI did, then he should definitely expect the $4000 – assuming he was contributing as well to his portion of the insurance.
I’m curious as to how old you guys are? It sounds as if your FI has a lot of financial/responsibility-making-decision ties to his parents still, based on their involvement with the car.
You said you’re worried about them ‘keeping their word’ – did they SAY they were going to give you the $4000, or did you assume?
If this is really bothering/worrying you, sit your FI down and have a discussion with him. It’s totally appropriate for you both to hope for and expect boundries when it comes to outside involvement in your decision-making, especially as it relates to financial decisions. This is a boundry though that HE needs to draw with his parents; but don’t expect him to be a mind reader and know how you feel. Also, when our parents are being super helpful (as it sounds as his parents are trying to be), it’s easy to fall back and rely on them, rather than standing and making our own way. But with you due to get married, it’s important to start pulling away and relying on EACH OTHER for those decisions.
As to the wedding, have your FI clarify exactly what number they plan on contributing, so that you can set a budget, and start planning. It’s not an unrealistic request; everyone needs a budget when they plan a wedding!
Post # 4
Hold on.. I’m confused as to why his parents are taking responsiblity of the cheque for his car??? How old is he? Why doesn’t he have the money and make his own decision?
Post # 5
I agree that there has to be some separation of finances between your FI and his parents. Who owned the car you totaled? If it was your FI, then he needs to get off of his parents’ insurance ASAP and buy his own car and get his own insurance.
Post # 6
It seems to me that if his parents bought the car (even if your FI has been driving it), they have every right to the check from insurance. Unless it was explictly given to your FI (at which point, it should have been moved to his name).
They are being very nice to give you some money for a new down-payment. That said, sometimes money from others comes with strings. Maybe for them, that “string” is having some say in what kind of car, how old of a car, etc that it goes towards. If you guys aren’t okay with those strings, fund the purchase yourselves.
Honestly, unless his parents are saying “You must buy THIS car”, it is probably helpful for them to be somewhat involved if this is your first time purchasing a vehicle. I find it nice to have someone I trust how has been there before to guide me through the process.