Post # 1
Hey Bees, I suspect I’m being a brat and I need to be set straight.
I’m a little (prematurtely) bummed about this upcoming Friday night. My DH is going out with the guys and doing dinner and a movie which leaves me free to do a Girls’ Night. I was pretty stoked about it until a good friend suggested we invite our friend who has 8 month old baby. This baby is very adorable and extremely well behaved and I very much like the mom but I know that by hanging with her it really limits our plans. In fact, I’m thinking that it will pretty much mean hanging at home just the three of us with the baby and maybe watching a movie and ordering food in. This is fine but I’m just disappointed that it will mean not going out.
It is possible that this friend will find a sitter and come alone but often she does end up bringing the baby. I think what makes it a little tough is that she is the only one in our friend circle with a baby so planning around a baby is a new thing for all of us.
I feel like such a jerk not wanting the baby to come especially as he is so sweet but I was hoping for dinner at a restaurant and maybe window shopping afterwards or something to that effect.
Can you Bees give me advice on how to change my negative attitude? Thanks!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@CMSnails: Plan to go out to an adults only establishment (i.e. a bar or club) with your non-mom friend and invite the mommy firend out for a girls night. She needs to get out without her kid every once and a while and maybe just a gentle prod will make it happen.
Post # 4
I don’t know about changing your attitude, but could call up your friend and say “Friend X and I were thinking about going out for dinner and doing some window shopping. Want to join us for a Girl’s Night?”
That way, she has an idea of the agenda and can either decide if she should decline or plan to get a sitter, and you haven’t left her out, which could’ve be hurtful.
Post # 5
My friends are pretty funny, they’re all moms (I’m the only one without kids so far) and they are pretty explicit about “girls night out…no kids”..lol. When we plan something for no kids we just say “hey we’re doing a girls night out to do xyz, do you want to come?”. Pick a place or activity (like drinks out, or a movie) where it’s implied that kids are invited.
Post # 6
I would tell her your plans, but those both sound like things an 8 month old could go to.
Does her husband ever offer to watch the baby for a night so she can get away?
Post # 7
@beachbride1216: +1 this is what I would try and do.
I feel your pain–It’s not that I DON’T want babies or anything, but I’m not there in life yet and would rather go out while I can because there will be plenty of nights in ordering in and watching movies to ensure that the kids are watched.
If you suggest an adult hang out, it should send the message that kids are not allowed. Tell your friend ‘Of course! I bet she hasn’t been out dancing/drinking/etc in a while we should go out’.
If you get shut down, well, you can still make it a nice night at home but I do understand your point completely.
Post # 8
I agree with PP. You have a right to have a child free evening! You dont necessarily have to just suck it up and change your attitude. She should understand she shouldnt bring the baby EVERY time, just sometimes.
Post # 9
Thanks guys for all the advice! I’m certainly going to take it in the future! I’ve gone ahead and told my friend without a baby that I was hoping for a dinner out and window shopping if that sounded okay with everyone. I really left it until last minute so whatever we do will just have to suffice. 🙂
In the future, I think I will be more proactive about planning a certain activity and then inviting people along.
Post # 10
I take a different attitude… why can’t she bring baby, especially if she’s still breastfeeding? Babysitters are expensive. The only places children can’t go where I am are to pubs after about 10pm and to clubs… and do you really want to go clubbing that often?
Disclaimer: My answer is possibly influenced by the fact that I’m totally over clubs, and anywhere with loud music.
If you want to go to a restaurant, go shopping, or stay in, I don’t see the issue with bringing the baby. If you do want to go clubbing, just arrange it in advance and then she will have to find a sitter or decline. Simples!
Post # 11
I guess I’m confused why the baby can’t still come along? If you just want to go to a restaurant and window shop a baby can be brought along to do that if the mom is willing to haul him/her around. It doesn’t like you want to go to the bars (or at least you didn’t mention that).
I don’t think you have to change your attitude on it, and I think you are entitled to a child-free evening, but things change when a baby is born. it doesn’t mean that you have to stay at home and do what she wants to do, but it means she may not be able to attend everything with you.
Post # 12
@Rachel631: You have an excellent point. My assumption about not bringing her baby is probably because I am woefully undereducated about babies. I think the mom said once that she doesn’t like bringing her baby to restaurants in case he fusses and bothers other diners which I completely understand because there are few things more worrying and agitating than a screaming baby.
The window shopping would be doable but I have no idea if the baby is on a schedule (are babies that young on one yet?) or if the baby only has a certain amount of time he can be out before he begins to cry.
Yup, I know next to nothing about babies. 🙂
Post # 13
i totally understand where you’re coming from. one of my DEAREST friends has a little one and i happen to LOVE said little one… i act like i’m her aunt. BUT sometimes it is nice to just not have a baby around. even if you were just sitting around and watching movies, when a baby is present, the baby tends to change the dynamic and affect the evening a lot – everything is around it’s schedule and conversation is interrupted and sometimes it is just a nuisance. it’s nice to have girl’s nights that are baby-free and you’re entitled to want that sometimes!
Post # 14
I’m actually on OP’s side. I have friends with kids and it is a little annoying trying to plan something around the kids. I remember this one time, my friend brought her son along and the kid had a tantrum because he didn’t want to be there. He screamed and cried so loudly. My friend was doing her best to quiet him but he wouldn’t listen.
But then, I am not much of a kid person. I have actually been contemplating the idea of never having kids. Hmm.
Post # 15
@CMSnails: Girls’ night evolves as we get older. Most of our friends bring along their kids (or at the very least their pets) when we do something. It doesn’t bother me as most of our activities are family oriented.
Post # 16
Why can’t you go to a restaurant with the baby? Especially if he’s well behaved. I go out to restaurants with my girl friend and her daughter all the time. She’s 2 now, but we’ve been going monthly since baby was a few months old. Just pick a restaurant that is more family friendly and louder.
Next time maybe plan your girls night out on a night when her husband can stay home and watch so she can have some fun adult time.