Post # 1
One of my FI’s coworkers (whom my FI may even ask to be a groomsman in our wedding) is getting married in two weeks. His FI recently moved here and they never set a wedding date, but now all of a sudden her family is visiting in two weeks, so they have decided to get married in two weeks while her family is in town.
Assuming they can even pull together a wedding in just two weeks’ time, I am curious–should standard gift protocol apply?
We normally budget about $100 for gifts for people in this “category” of friends, but frankly, with such little notice and Christmas coming up, we simply don’t have that in our budget for December.
Also, I am a little bitter that he has sprung this on everyone with such little notice during the busiest time of the year without even an acknowledgment that it may cause some inconveniences for their guests. They’ve been unable to pick the exact date (as between a Friday and a Saturday), which is extra frustrating given that their preferred date is the same date as our tickets for the Nutcracker and we need to know ASAP if we’ll need to sell them.
The other thing is that he never bought a gift for the couple in this circle of friends who last got married (whose wedding he was a groomsman in), and I have no expectation that he would think of buying us a gift. I know I shouldn’t be like that, but… I can’t help but think about it.
Given all of this, what would you do?
Post # 3
sucky that you might have to miss the nutcracker! i’d be so upset! i never know how much to spend on gifts, i just felt i should put my two cents in about the ballet.
Post # 4
I’d say you should probably send or take a little something, but certainly not a $100 gift as you usually do considering the quick timing as well as being so close to Christmas. Regardless of what you decide to do, at least take or send a card. Too many times I have heard girls say “at least they could have sent a heartfelt card.” 🙂 If they haven’t registered, I’d give them a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond or something (or Target, they have everything) and a nice greeting card.
My 2 Cents!
Post # 5
@Bella Why not $100 just because it was quickly planned? By that rule, people engaged the longest would get the most lavish gifts?
Spend what you normally do unless it’s not in your budget. Then, spend what you can and do, do, do write a card. I’m sorry that they can’t choose between Fri and Sat.! What a headache with your tickets!
Post # 6
I agree with cheerful. Just because they’re getting married around the holidays and planning it quickly doesn’t mean it’s any less special. If it’s not in your budget to give $100, give them $50 and something wedding related (like an $8 picture frame or coasters).
Post # 7
It’s rude of them to be so last minute about everything but I wouldn’t let that have an impact on the gift. If I were you I’d give them the usual amount that you would in a normal situation, I understand that it’s right before the holidays but maybe you could just pretend the wedding is next June and remove it from “June’s budget”
Post # 8
I hear ya. Its a horrible time to have a rush wedding, money is tight if you celebrate a gift giving holiday. Maybe you can give them something small for now and send them something a bit later. I can’t imagine they’d be upset with that (but people are strange so its possible). Maybe like a gift certificate to a really nice restaurant in your town, then afterward you have some time to come up with something else. That’s a tough one. Honestly, if I were in the situation I’d spend my normal amount and get something generic, preferably that you can engrave lol.
Post # 9
While they may not be as thoughtful in the gift giving department (and you may not have the gift reciprocated), give them a gift as you are able. Gifts don’t always have to be a certain price-point, especially if you can’t afford it. If you are able to stretch your budget to pull it off – then, do so!
Post # 10
Thank you for your thoughts! I think we’ll get them a nice card and a gift card (unless they register somewhere, although I am not sure if they will).
Post # 11
My great grandpa used to say “someone has to be the smart one. it might as well be you.” to that extent, don’t base what you give people on what they will give you or other trivial criteria. give them what you normally would give them in an ideal situation, (of course keeping your budget in mind).
Post # 12
I agree that a nice card is always appreciated. I would try to find something at Bed Bath and Beyond on clearance. Something that looked like a nice gift but really didn’t cost me a lot of cash.