Post # 1
i thought i had my guest list issues handled over a year ago. Apparently not.
My brother-in-law’s brother is getting married in June, and im in July. This really pisses me off, but the reason why is a whole different issue. Tonight my mom said she intended to go to the june wedding, and i told her i would go if it was in early june, not if it was in late june, because being so close to my wedding, i would probably have full weekends and not have time to go, since the church that my BIL’s family belongs to is 2 hours away.
She told me that if i didnt go to HIS wedding, he would probably not go to MINE. I told her, he isnt invited to mine. She says that if i dont invite him, that my BIL will get offended and not go either, which is a problem because his wife and kids are in my wedding.
If i do invite him, then i have to invite their other two sisters, who would get pissed over being left out, but if i invite all of them, then that will be another 14 people at the wedding, thats another two tables! We are already struggling to find enough space for the family, which adds up to 80 people. I just dont know what to do.
Post # 3
@MrsWinTraining2014: Stop listening to your Mom?
Post # 4
I wouldn’t invite him. But if you’re invite to his I don’t think your wedding being close is a good excuse not to go.
Post # 6
@MrsWinTraining2014: Your BIL’s brother and sisters are not your in-laws. You are under no obligation to invite any of them. Your BIL married into your family. His brother and sisters did not.
But if you are close to his brother (close enough for him to invite you to his wedding by the sound of it), you can invite him as a *friend* if you want to. And if you do invite him as a friend, you are under no obligation to invite his sisters – just like you are under no obligation to invite the siblings of your other friends.
EDIT: But you have no reason to be p!ssed off that that he’s marrying a month before you, when he’s not even related to you. Sorry but you’re overreacting there.
Post # 7
As PP said, you are under no obligation to invite all these extra people. I think these two statements should suffice:
- “I am so sorry I am unable to be there. I anticipate having a lot on my plate in the weekends before my wedding, but I send my best wishes for a beautiful day.”
- “We have very limited capacity at our wedding venue and unfortunately cannot extend the invitation to additional friends. Thank you so much for your understanding.”
It may also be worth it to call your BIL directly to explain both of these points if this is something he actually would be offended over. And I probably wouldn’t bring this up to your mom again.
Post # 8
You absolutely do not have to invite them. However, not being able to go to his wedding that is 3 weeks before yours when it’s only 2 hours away isnt a great reason. It sounds like you just dont really want to go (which is fine!). I was not that busy 3 weeks before my wedding that EVERY weekend was “full.” I had a much larger wedding than 80 people and still wasnt that busy AND I worked the week before AND my husband wasnt there because he’s in the navy.
Post # 9
@MrsWinTraining2014: You invite who you want to your wedding.
However I think you are being really silly about not going to his wedding and for being upset that it is a month before your wedding.
Post # 10
(But I will add, when wedding planning, easier said than done )
Post # 11
Thanks. Im not upset that its a month before the wedding, i just really dont wish to open that can of worms right this moment. Thanks for all of the advice
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
Brother in law’s brother? Heeeeell no they ain’t invited!
Post # 13
@MrsWinTraining2014: unless this brother of your bil is a friend of yours, i can’t see why you would invite him. invite who you want to invite.
i don’t think the date of his wedding should interfere at all with your wedding.
Post # 14
@MrsWinTraining2014: You should not invite him, but you should go to his. Unless there is a lot more to the story.
I had a big wedding (180) and I planned it all myself. 3 weeks before my wedding I went to another wedding out of state (all weekend event). Two weeks before my wedding I went to a Thursday-Monday conference (and worked the full work week before and after). The week before my wedding I was busy, but not unbelievably so. I worked up until the Thursday before the wedding. My wedding was not an excuse to get out of the conference or the other wedding.
Post # 15
We didn’t invite any relatives of in-laws. I don’t think it is expected unless you are close with them personally.
Post # 16
Haha the best thing I found to do about my wedding stuff?
Stop talking to my mom about it.
She has to have an opinion on EVERYTHING, and usually it’s a hurt-your-feelings or my-way-or-the-highway opinion and I just don’t want to deal with that.
Don’t invite your BIL’s brother, that’s just adding another crazy circle to guest list planning, which is, in itself, a bunch of crazy circles.