Post # 1
I am a bridesmaid to a very close friend and I live abroad. I am the one who has to travel to all of the bridal activities, and I’m scared to tell the bride that I cannot afford to attend her bridal shower or her bachelorette weekend (destination). A year ago I said I could go to one but not both and this was fine with her, but now the circumstances have changed ( I have a new job which I cannot take time off work, and my husband and I are trying to save to buy a house so really cannot afford to go to either. To make matters worse, another good friend of mine has decided to get married on the same day as the bride’s bridal shower. How do I handle this? I’m dreading calling her because she has already put me on a guilt trip for suggesting that I couldn’t go to either?!
Post # 3
Do you know that she is going to handle it badly? I’m sure she would be disappointed, but when you ask someone that lives far away, especially abroad, you really take the chance that they won’t be able to attend all wedding functions.
Post # 4
What I would do is be honest with her that with the new job you’re sorry but just not able to manage the bachelorette, but that you’ll want to hear all about it and perhaps give her a small gift to ease things. I’d never be upset with someone saying they couldn’t afford to attend something, but I understand there are people who get bent out of shape.
As for the shower, be honest and perhaps arrange for someone else to bring your gift to the shower. Maybe send her flowers or something to ease your absence?
Post # 5
Bridal showers and bachelorettes are parties, not court summonses. You do not need to attend, even if you’re in the bridal party. It does sound like she is a bridezilla if you are frightened to tell her you cannot make it, but you need to just be honest. She should understand that your circumstances have changed (seriously, is she really going to hold it against you that you cannot get time off work?)
Post # 6
@futuremrsfitz18: Bridal showers and bachelorettes are parties, not court summonses.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Are you my bridesmaid?? JK, she doesn’t live abroad. 😉
My Maid/Matron of Honor originally told me she could make it to either my shower or bach party when I asked her to be in my wedding, but her circumstances have changed and she can’t make it to either. Of course I am super disappointed and really sad that my best friend can’t be there, but I’m upset at her stupid job that won’t let her take time off and not at her! 😉
If this girl is truly your friend she will understand. Just be honest with her, tell her that you miss her and that you badly want to be there with her, but your circumstances won’t allow it.
Sorry you are in such a sucky situation. 🙁
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@futuremrsfitz18: Bridal showers and bachelorettes are parties, not court summonses.- perfect!
Don’t tell her that you’re saving for the house- tell her you can’t get the additional time off work, due to your new job. This is nothing for you to feel guilty about.
I can’t imagine someone being upset- you live in another COUNTRY, for Pete’s sake. She should be happy you can make it to the wedding. You can always buy her shower gift online, or arrange for wine, etc. at the destination hotel, if you want to contribute. But you’re not required to.
Post # 9
“Bridal showers and bachelorettes are parties, not court summonses.” haha I love it.
I can’t tell if she is being a bridezilla but she may be on her way of doing that. Call her up explain things out of your control have change and you won’t be able to make it. If she reacts badly or blow things up she is a bridezilla, and you would have to decide how to deal with this. I think feeling a little hurt is normal on the part of the bride. I truly don’t understand people who can’t see things from other peoples point of view when it comes to their weddings. One of my close friends who will be reader is coming from Hong Kong, she is not making any pre wedding events, and most likly will be sleeping or tyring to get on american time in the days before the wedding so she may miss rehearsal dinner/welcome party. I understand the tremendous cost and vacation time and I am just grateful that she is able to make it at all.
Post # 10
Just make your apologies and explain – she asked you to be her bridesmaid knowing full well that you live abroad. Of course she WANTS you to be there are her special events, not just her wedding! The people we ask to be bridesmaids are important to us. We love them and love to celebrate with them. I don’t know what she said that makes you believe she is guilt-tripping you, but it’s probably just because she’s disappointed about the situation and it’s coming out like she’s disappointed in you.
Schedule a flower or champagne delivery for the day of her shower or bachelorette – a sweet reminder to her that you’re celebrating with her in spirit.