- 5 years ago
I am engaged and looking for advice from other women as what you would do if you were in my shoes.
My inlaws are nice people and my fiancé has a great relationships with them. I agree that they are nice people but they have fears of things that I wouldn’t worry about. For example, his mother has fears about us mountain biking, fears of flying in airplane, fears of leaving the country, fears of letting other people drive with her as a passenger, and fears that something will happen to us when we go camping. His mother also has different hobbies then mine such as cooking and tv which I have nothing against, but my hobbies are different in that I seek adventure, and love nature. I have had food issues from years ago and when I am asked 7 times if I want a piece of cake, or another meatball, I just want to scream “no! I don’t want to think about food ever again!”. I have come to understand they are just trying to be nice but because they are so different from me I feellike it is a struggle to find topics to connect on.
Now that I am engaged the topic of where to live has been coming up in our relationship. I have always dreamed of having my own home and building an independent life with my husband and making a family in our own town, away from our families, but close enough to visit and stay connect with each our families.
My fiance’s dream is to live in the rental house on the same property whe the parents house iwherewithal both homes having a shared driveway and shared yard. Then later, when his parents pass, live in the newer home on the property. Now, both homes would be left to my fiancé and his brother, I would have no ownership to the property and nothing to call my own.
If they would sell the homes and the property, the money would go to my fiancé and brother, and fiancé said it would go only to our kids.
I accept that the assets are my fiance’s and his brother’s which make me feel stronger about buying our own house where I would have my name on the house as well for sake of having children and knowing that gives me a sense of stability and having something to call my own or at least half.
My fiancé completely disagree’s with me. He thinks that living in the rental house would be great especially if we had kwhere here the mother in law could babysit.
He also does not understand why I would not want tomove into his parents house once they are passed away. He stated that his mother grew up in the old house and he grew up in that same house and has many great memories about the family he once had who would visit often and that the property is so private and opened. Now I have been on the property and the two homes are about 75 feet away from each other. And there is another house nearbylived grew up on a 20 acre farm and thiprivateer had real privacy.
I want to know if you think that living in the rental house 75 feet away would be too close for comfort for you especially knowing that the mother inlaw has fears about things I’m excited about.
I also want to know your opinion if you’d live in your husbands parents house after they passed to make your husband happy knowing that your name would never be added to the house, and that if there was a separation you’d have nothing?
I also feel pressures from my fiancé defends that the town he grew up in is the best school district, that the area has high valued homes, that it’s private and safe. I have nothing against the are except for the traffic.
I think that there are lots of great school districts around the area as I work in many of them and I would rather live in a separate town 20-45 minutes away from parents.
I would rather live off a small back road, with a few extra acres in a house that fits my style.
My fiancé stated that his dream may be different from mine and that maybe our paths together end here.
He believes that he would find a woman to love him enough to live on his parents property and live in his parents rental house and then in the main house after his parents passed. Really? Would any of you do that knowing the conditions?
Please give us advice as this has forced us to postpone the wedding and is causing us distress in our relationship.