(Closed) Need Advice on SITUATION. PLease read b/c I need advice!!!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Im sorry your MOH would even say that. Picking your MOH is someone who you are(should be) proud to be standing by your side.. she should want to stand by your side if the wedding is a year away or a month away!

You are doing NOTHING wrong. Just because you want to be able to celebrate now and not have to worry about any family problems is totally understandable. I would re-think the MOH.. for even putting these thoughts in your head!!! i know poeple who have had weddings in 3 months!!! DO YOUR THING, & DONT DOUBT YOUR CHOICES. Bc in the end, as long as your happy with the decision, then who the eff cares!!!! best of luck!!! 

Post # 4
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong.  You are well within you rights to change the wedding.  However, have any of your BP (or other guests) purchased tickets or made any sort of reservations that cannot be changed because of your wedding?  If so, then I can see why they’d be annoyed.

The only other suggestion I have is to ask your MOH WHY she feels the way she does.  Is it simply because it’s an inconvinience to her or does she have valid reasons for wanting you to wait?  Why does she think you’re rushing?  I would listen to her conerns and then do your best to put her at ease.  Maybe she’s just trying to look out for you.

Post # 5
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Well Im sorry you are going through this. I dont think you are being rude at all. Its not like your moving it up and asking for the world on top of that. I think your MOH is a little out of line in saying those things and your mother is not a very nice person for creating this problem in the first place (but you know that so I wont dwell on that). I think that if you explain to your bridal party the situation, which Im sure they are aware of your mother anyways, they wont have a problem with it, they should have your best interest at heart and support you. I think you should re-iterate to your MOH that you dont want anything except for them to be there on that day (what about BM dresses and stuff?) I also wouldnt make them splurge on an expensive dress, just do something easy and casual. I dont think you and your FI are in the wrong and your MOH should be someone who wants to see you happy, did she say why she feels that way? Is she afraid you will get hurt? Did you move your wedding date ahead/closer to hers or someone elses? Other than those couple reasons I cant see why she would feel that way, good luck, I say proceed on with your wedding in 4 months if you can pull it off!

Post # 6
Member
9625 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow!  My hearts goes out to you for everything you’ve been dealing with.

NO – you and your FI are not being selfish!  This is your life, your wedding and your decision.  Anyone who doesn’t like it can go suck an egg, lol.

Seriously, you are at the point in your life where you are going to need to start setting some boundaries with people.  Sometimes being a good, kind person causes people to tend to push you too far and take too much advantage.  Healthy boundaries are for protecting yourself by keeping the bad stuff out and only letting the good stuff in.  It’s a difficult transition to make when you’ve been raised by someone like your mother, though, I know.

But here is what tells me you are NOT being selfish:  That you’re the only person involved in this situation who is worried about being selfish and is taking other people’s feelings into consideration.  Therefore, it is not you who is being selfish – it is THEM.

You don’t have to be cold/hard about telling everyone to back off, but you do need to be firm.  Do what you want to do with regard to your own wedding and realize that now is the time to start teaching these people how to treat you.  How you deserve.  With respect.

Post # 9
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee

i dont think you have done anything wrong.  You are still within the 3 month timeline to send out invitations….so they can all stuff it.

Post # 10
Member
9625 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@caseybop1:   I think you hit the nail on the head.  She’s bummed because she isn’t going to Las Vegas after all.  Which is understandable, in a way.  But, still, she should be backing you up and helping make things easier on you, not worse. 

Post # 13
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

 “a lot of your bridesmaids are not going to be happy about this, and I am definitely not”–

I would respond with, then you dont have to be in the wedding.. if its that inconveinient for you, and everyone else.

i know its hard to handle, not having the support, but in the end, as long as your marrying your best friend, then i think its been a pretty good day!

Post # 14
Member
9625 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@caseybop1:  We are not trying to create any problems here, we are just trying to make the decision we feel may be best right now.

That is the perfect way to put it.  Give people time to process the change and just expect them to handle this like mature adults.  I’m sure they’ll eventually fall in line if you just go about your plans.  Don’t let it get to you, just proceed as you see fit.

Post # 15
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

Ouch…I’m really sorry she’s acting this way. I would honestly write back and say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we’re doing what’s best for us. As a friend, I would expect you to be supportive of our decision, even if you don’t agree with it.”

What a jerkface.

Post # 16
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I got a lot of this from an ex-bff-friend (we’ll call her Lisa) as well. My FI and I were going to have about a 7 month engagement, but then changed our plans to have a 10 week engagement! When I told Lisa, she FLIPPED out. Part of it was that, at that point, I think she realized I wasn’t going to ask her to be in the wedding (a whole other story). But she went on and on about how we were being selfish, how we were rushing it, it was a bad decision, blah blah blah. But as FI said, we wouldn’t have gotten engaged if we didn’t know we wanted to get married! How were we ‘rushing’ it, other than rushing the planning? And I will never understand when people accuse others of being ‘selfish’ when it comes to a wedding; it’s YOUR wedding, YOUR committment, of COURSE you get to be selfish! It’s about YOU! Sheesh. And for the record, Lisa didn’t even attend our wedding because of how mad she was with me. We haven’t spoken since. 

Anyway, don’t let her reaction turn you off from telling your other BMs; when I told my actual bridal party (sans-Lisa!) they were all VERY supportive. A bit shocked, but supportive and excited. As far as your MOH, you can handle it one of two ways: 1) call her out on her response and ask her WTF? or 2) let her step down if she isn’t on board. I would recommend #1 before moving to #2. Maybe there is something going on behind the scenes that caused her to react that way, maybe even something that really isn’t even about you or your wedding. Give her a chance to explain, and then tell her you need her support and need her to get over herself!

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