Post # 1
Im a regular bee on here….very regular…but have posted pictures and I just dont want all this to be connected to me. Sorry.
Basically since we have been married we have been having alot of financial issues. Right after the wedding we were debt free. The wedding was paid off and we started saving for our honeymoon a year away. The only debt we have is our car loan. So we are fine. Anyways…hubby quits his job to go on his own…which would be fine if he had work lined up. He has a few jobs here and there but the month before we leave he has nothing. His parents say they will pay him to paint their living room etc so he does that. Only they dont pay him…whatever, we move on. Honeymoon is great. We come back and at this poinbt he has been unemployed for two months…scary (i should make note we live in a very expensive city).
Anyways he gets a HUGE job and its going to be great. It will take about a month and then he will get paid…so now we are going to go about three months with out being paid. I have been covering all the bills from my personal savings and when he gets paid at the end of the month everything WILL be fine…but right now we are struggling and im stressed.
What is bothering me is, he hired his brother to help him. He feels bad for him so he is paying a little more then normal (brother has student loans he is in school currently). Brother at normal job gets 21.50 an hour for the same job only with my husband, DH wants to give him 38.00/hr!!!!!!!
I think this is rediculous considering the situation we are in!!! What do i do? I told him its way to much…that bc its his brother he should give him a little more but almost an extra 20.00 an hr seems crazy! Am i wrong? am i selfish? im i getting to caught up on our current situation?
I should not that hubby has applied for school and will be going to school in Sept. We could really use that money!
PS> On another note that pisses me off to no end. DH’s parents didnt pay him to paint but they paid his live at home sister 500.00 to clean the blinds!!! arghhhh
Post # 4
Sorry to hear about your situation.
First, I think that there is no harm for him to mention the paying him thing to his parents. If they paid the sitter, they should pay him. Obviously he should say it in a nice way and just mention that you guys are a bit strapped for cash.
Second, I do think that is a bit much for him to be paying his brother. Maybe once things pick up with his business he can start paying him more, but right now things aren’t the greatest.
Your DH brother should understand.
I hope all goes well for you!
Post # 5
1. Invoicing his parents seems so akward though…i mean..its his parents!! We never really thought of it otherwise until we found out he paid his sister
2. if he got a rookie he would pay him min. wage as in 8.50/hr he took his brother away from another company that was paying him 21.50 so he has to give him min that. I think 25.00/hr is reasonable.
3. He will work on evenings and weekends while he is going to school (hopefully)
Post # 6
I don’t think you are wrong or selfish. You are just worried because of your current financial situation.
I love that your husband wants to help out his brother and be generous with him. And I’m betting that if you two were financially stable with substantial savings and your husband’s business bringing in a steady income, you’d be fine with him paying his brother extra to help him out.
But that isn’t the situation. It doesn’t sound like you and your husband are in a position to be that generous. Yes, it would be nice to do so, but to do so when you yourselves NEED that money would be foolish. Kind, generous, loving, but foolish.
Fortunately, it doesn’t sound like the brother is asking for $38 per hour, nor does it sound like your husband has already offered that amount. Maybe you could talk again to your husband, explaining to him that you would love to be able to help his brother by paying him extra and would be willing to do a bit extra (even $5 an hour extra would be $200 at the end of the week, which seems generous to me, especially given your situation). Maybe the two of you can agree that in the future, you will be able to do something like that for his brother.
Good luck with this. I really get where you are coming from. Taking care of others is a very noble thing, but your husband may need to be reminded that charity begins at home.
Post # 7
Why on earth would ANYBODY quit a job before having stable work lined up??!?!!?!? That just baffles me. That’s a huge slap in the face to you. Maybe you should have a talk with him, remind him that he’s been out of work for 3+ months and that YOU, his wife, have been supporting him, feeding him, clothing him, etc. Just in case he may have forgotten…..
Post # 8
@Neva: The brother deff. has not asked to be paid that much, but DH has already offered to give him 6000.00 for the month…se we are kind of stuck i suppose. I agree with you though about everything…sometimes i feel like im just being a bad wife…we havent even been married a year and i dont feel like im supporting him enough.
@JamieinMN: he didnt have work set up that was steady for the first month, he had odd jobs here and there that were fine, but bc he is on his own he wasnt paid for his holidays when we went on our honeymoon, which was for three weeks. When he worked for his old boss he was getting paid in a month what he makes in two weeks on his own…so it made sense for him to leave…now he is super busy for all of July and August…but we are struggling right now…
Post # 9
What was DH’s response when you told him that hourly wage was too much?
Also – re: the parents. Just let it go. I know it’s not right and it’s not fair, but I don’t think it’s worth it. For whatever reason, they must have felt like DH didn’t really need the money (that’s my best guess) – maybe because he had you to fall back on and SIL doesn’t have anyone else??? (sometimes it’s crazy logic that makes no sense in the name of equity).
Post # 10
Are you also working? You mentioned you were living off of your savings, but I don’t think you said whether or not you also had a job. I would also think that $38/hr is too much to give his brother UNLESS his brother is more of a partner than an employee. He should be paid adequate based on his experience and overall value to the job, if he is sharing some of the start up costs with your husband than maybe he is worth even more. If he does the same quality work as a rookie, however, and is easily replaced then I think $25 is more than fair. And I would definitely encourage my husband to decrease his salary, at least in the beginning while you get your finances in order.
Post # 11
@oracle: i think you area right about the parents…unfortunaltey we have been letting alot of things go with them though…i think they think we are good with money right now…so they want to go to mexico for Christmas, they are taking his siblings as well, but DH and i have to pay for all our food and alcohol etc. and our first xmas together last year they went to mexico as well and paid in full for DH’s siblings and then told us they are going to mexico for xmas so they wont be getting us gifts…they are just weird to us….i chalk it up to them seeing us as our own family now, our own “unit” so they dont need to pay etc. the painting thing pisses me off though bc they said they were going to pay. And they gave us cash to just cover the cost of the paint but no money for the labour…so its not like they forgot.
As for DH’s reaction to my “your paying him to much”, he just said “this is why I dont want to go to school” I have responded “I am more then happy to go into debt for you to go to school….just not for your brother”…he has not responded….
Post # 12
@moderndaisy: I am working and in a very secure job but I only pull in about 2400 a month…so its not that great.
DH started up the buisness on his own. He paid all the fees, bought a pressure washer, ladder etc. he pays up front for all the paint and supplies (it goes on our personal account), and he uses his truck and gas…brother just shows up and paints. He does have the same years experience but he has nothing to do with the buisness.
Post # 13
Does your husband agree that this is a decision you should be making together? Yes, it is his job, but you are a family now and his financial decisions impact you both. I really feel you should have equal say and he should listen to your input because you are his wife and the two of you together are a team.
As for the brother, I suppose your husband could always tell him that he miscalculated and won’t be able to pay quite as much as he’d thought. And he did miscalculate. He didn’t take his wife’s opinion into account (hugh miscalculation right there) and it doesn’t sound like he is really taking into consideration the fact that though this may be a huge job, there is not only not another one lined up, but he has no idea when he will get another and so has no idea how long the money he makes from this one will have to last. Just make sure he doesn’t say something like “BusyBee82 won’t let me pay you want we agreed.”
Post # 14
re: the brother – did DH ask what you thought of the $38? or did he just offer the info up?
I’m also wondering what the going rate would be of hiring someone? Does the fact that it’s his brother give him some sense of relief – meaning, he knows him, can trust him, knows his work ethic, etc?
Maybe something to mention to DH – is to start him out a little lower – say at $28 / hr and then give him raises from there on out.
Perhaps DH has already discussed how much BIL needs in order to move from his other job, etc…
How did he even come up with the $38 figure? That seems like such a random number!
Post # 15
@Neva: He does have work lined up for the rest of the summer, so that good. Come end of August his brother goes back to another city to go to school so he will be on his own again with smaller jobs.
DH told brother he will pay him 6000.00, which means DH will get paid 2000.00 more then him at the end of the job. This is based on them not going over expensives, if more paint is needed or anything else, that comes out of DH 2000.00 extra. DH told brother that we will just figure it out at the end. I told DH thats silly and he said “Thanks for the vote of confidence” which makes me feel so badly.
I think we just need to sit down and talk more. WE have this scimming chats where im like “you need to talk to your brother about how much he is getting paid” and he respondes “I will” this conversation we just had was in the car as he drove me to work at 6:30 am…it was quick and I was pretty upset at the end.
Post # 16
@oracle: BIL gets paid 21.50 an hour at his other job painting which DH stole him from. So what DH did to calucalte how much he should get paid was taking the quote of the job, deducting expenses (paint etc.) and then splitting it 60/40 (40% for BIL) which works out to be 38.00 an hour.