Post # 1
I am planning a wedding for next Summer–100 people, average budget for the area I live in. And I can’t get my mind off having a small ceremony or eloping. We’re paying for our wedding, and we set our budget based on what we can realistically save over the year of our engagement. BUT I’m thinking that the money we save can be used in another way, and I’m starting to feel guilty for having the traditional wedding. I keep thinking of other ways to spend that money like pay off a portion of my student loans, help us pay the bills while I move to his state and find a job, or invest for our future. I feel like if we take a quarter of our budget we can rent a beach house for a week and have a wedding with immediate family in the backyard or go to City Hall/Central Park in NYC with our immediate family. And of course, I have no idea what my FI thinks of the situation bc he’s deployed right now. The last we discussed it, he said that he thinks we deserve a celebration and I shouldn’t worry. But I can’t help myself. What can I say, I’m a worrier and when it comes to money, I’m cautious.
Am I being selfish for thinking about this? I mean, it’s HIS wedding too. And it’s HIS money too (paying off my student debt feels kinda selfish, since he has no debt and he didn’t force me to take out loans–I did). And I haven’t even touched upon the disappointment from my family in this whole thing (they aren’t contributing, and even if my mom wanted to, I wouldn’t let her).
Does anyone have any advice here? Has anyone else had to make this decision, and if so, how did it turn out? For the people that decided on the smaller, less expensive wedding, did you have any regrets?
Post # 4
Ask your man what HE wants, and explain your point of view. And if he doesn’t want to have something as small as a courthouse ceremony, maybe you can compromise and have a wedding of maybe 50 with a cake and punch reception.
Post # 5
Also, a friend of mine just had his wedding… two years after they got married! Nothing says you can’t have a big ceremony later.
Post # 6
Why not elope and have an extended awesome honeymoon instead? If your FI is in the armed forces, it would probably make a lot more sense to spend that money on quality time for the two of you, since you will have to be separated often!
Post # 7
@crayfish: I like how you think! I forgot about freeing up money for an amazing trip for the two of us!
Post # 8
i would try to compromise and have a smaller budget wedding that FEELS like a big celebration. find out what he means by celebration. if its friends, dancing, good food? then you dont have to spend the money on a designer dress, huge centerpeices, on fine china, or even on a 3 course sit down meal. you can have a lot of celebrating with your closest friends, an appetizer buffet with paper plates and some open bottles of alcohol.
the ceremony part of the wedding doesnt have to cost much either, sounds like you want a small ceremony, hes more concerned about the party. we are saving money on our ceremony by holding it in the same location as the reception, only have to rent chairs once, and only have to decorate one space.
“average budget” is pretty high in my opinion.
Post # 9
I feel the same way about my wedding. I can pay for it, but it is a stretch and that money could definitely be used for other things. On the other hand, there are some things that are really worth celebrating and I really want a wedding!
Talk to FI about some options and see what is really important to him. If it’s just a party, there’s lots of options for that. If it’s really the public vows, including lots of family and friends then you can do a brunch/lunch reception or a Friday/Sunday deal.
If you do go through with the traditional wedding, do not feel guilty about it. You can use your wedding gift money to pay down some debt!
Post # 10
have you scoped out prices for renting out a beach house for the week? i’ve done this quite a bit and it can get VERY pricey. maybe look around before making final decision.
Post # 11
Thanks for the input! He called me today and I told him how I felt. He seemed a little surprised about how much things actually are going to cost. But he really wants our wedding as is. I got him to compromise with me on cutting 40 people from the list (20 each), to see where that brought us. It’s still not in the range that I want to pay. As far as ceremony goes, it will be small and personal–my uncle will officiate (he’s a pastor). Decor is minimal. I think I’ve hit a wall here.
@thefiancemeenah: I agree with you. “Average” is still pricey. We’re on the very low end of the average, and I would like to get much lower than that.
Post # 12
@Violet Violet:Instead of doing the traditional banquet style wedding, why not choose somewhere off season and do a beach house wedding or something a little untraditional. A good friend of mine got married in the Outer Banks in NC, its amazing how much less renting a house is off-season than on. Another idea is to have a theme which will allow you to have some flexibility in terms of pricing, i.e. camp wedding or at local farm which will allow for a barbecue or pot luck.