need advice please

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re 19 and got engaged after a two months and have a kid……..slow down. He said he doesn’t even want to get married now so you should not be engaged or planning a wedding at all. He says he doesn’t want to be engaged, so you’re not engaged. Overall it doesn’t seem like he’s interested in this relationship sorry

Post # 3
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sometimes he tells me he doesnt like my child because he gets on his nerves

This is all the information you need. Do NOT subject you child to someone who doesn’t like them. Dump this guy. He is 27, that’s almost 30(!) and he proposed after 2 months when 1) he doesn’t even want to get married any time soon 2) he couldn’t afford the ring he bought. He is immature and not worth your time or effort.

You are  19, take your time with dating and find someone who loves you and your son. Find someone who will mean it when they ask you to marry them, not do it “just ‘cus”. 

 

Post # 5
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

cdpslh913059487:  honestly, by the sounds of it, he is not into this relationship.  he doesn’t want to get married.  sorry. 

i was a young single mother and if anyone ever said that they didn’t like my son and he got on their nerves, they would be out of my life so damn fast.  your son is your priority right now, not finding a husband.  i have a feeling you are pushing this relationship into marriage.  please don’t.  you deserve better than this guy.  he sounds way to immature and irresponsible to be a step-parent; let alone a good husband and provider.  you already have a son, you don’t need another one.

Post # 6
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m willing to look past you guys getting engaged after two months.<br />However, I would not want to waste my time with a person who says they couldn’t stand my child.<br />A person who can’t handle my child now won’t want to handle them for the rest of their lives. This isn’t a person you want to be with, and if you value the health of your child, you’d reconsider the relationship. Imagine, would you want to grow up around a person you knew hated you?

Post # 7
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m gonna be very blunt here, you need to break up with this person. This guy you’re “engaged” to, sorta, can’t answer any serious questions you give him with anything other than “I don’t know”. Really? And he’s 27? You’d think by that age maturity would’ve kicked in for him. What does he mean he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you in 2015. He needs to give you a yes or a no. How the heck are you supposed to plan or book anything without him 100% in. 

Honestly, you’re young. Really young. You need to focus on yourself. And you need focus on your child and providing him an environment that is safe and happy for him. Not someone who tells you he finds your child anoying at times. Uh. BIG RED FLAG. Don’t settle because you’re maybe too afraid of being a single mom. You deserve someone better. Leave this tool. 

Post # 10
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m not really sure why you’re not leaving him. So far you’ve only listed huge negative things.

Post # 11
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This might be the most immature post I have read on the bee. That is saying a lot. OP, grow up. Fast. Leave this tool and work on yourself and your relationship with your son. Your son deserves you to better yourself, not to sit around and worry why some low life isn’t committing to you. Really. Gather up some perspective and be a mom. 

Post # 12
Member
11731 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If a friend came to you and said these things, what would you say?

  • My boyfriend/fiance/significant other tells me he doesn’t like my kid.  He acts like my toddler is an annoyance and doesn’t like to be out in public with the baby.
  • He is irresponsible with money (spending $1,000 a month on gas and fast food)
  • He told me he doesn’t know why we’re even engaged
  • He can’t afford his own place or the payments on my engagement ring, which has now been returned
  • He’s 27 and still lives with his parents, because he presumably can’t support himself.

If any of my friends every had this list of complaints, my only response would be, “Run.  Run far, and run fast.” 

Post # 13
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

cdpslh913059487:  OMG. I think you need to RUN, not walk, away from this. Stop chasing him and start enjoying your life. It sounds like things have fallen apart in short order. I am sorry to hear that. However, it seems like he’s ok with how things are.

Ruuuuuuuuuuun!

Post # 14
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

cdpslh913059487:  Why are you with this guy???  You need to dump this guy.  He sounds extremely financially irresponsible, with no drive in life, wants to be catered to (you cook and clean, he does…nothing), doesn’t like kids, and is flat out wishy-washy about big life decisions.  Is this someone you really want to marry???  You and your child deserve better. Don’t make this loser part of your son’s life forever.  

Post # 15
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

There is no engagement, no marriage being planned. I’m not even sure there’s much of a relationship here. OP, you need a bit of a reality check.

You’re 19. You have a child already. Why do you want to rush into a marriage with a guy who sounds like a complete and utter train wreck? You shouldn’t be rushing into marriage with anyone right now, let alone this guy. Spend time with your child, go to school, just…focus on yourself and your kid. You have plenty of time for relationships down the road. And maybe working on yourself a bit will help to give you the strength and perspective to see that there is absolutely nothing desirable about this guy.

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