Need advice please

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

At 11 years old, I would be tempted to make her a flower girl rather than a bridesmaid. She won’t really be able to do a lot of the traditional bridesmaid/MOH things (eg. bachelorette party, organising shower, speeches, supporting the bride by helping out on the day), so it will be more honorary than anything else. However if it is important to her, then I am sure you can make it work.

I would not ask your fiance to choose another groomsman unless he already has someone in mind. Wedding parties are difficult enough to coordinate when you are incredibly close to everyone and they are your first choice to be there. Once you start adding in acquaintances and second choices, everything gets even more complicated. Better to have uneven numbers than messy drama.

Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Alexnjenharaka:  11 is a bit old for a flower girl as the pp suggested. She could be a junior bridesmaid though. You don’t need even numbers. She is old enough to walk by herself.

Post # 5
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Alexnjenharaka:  It will look like she is a mature young lady.

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have her a junior bridesmaid and don’t pair her with anyone. Generally junior bridesmaids don’t have partners (in weddings I’ve been to) and I think it looks fine. And since she’s your own daughter, I think it’s important to include her.

Alternatively you could make the 9 year old a junior groomsman and pair him with her, and not have a ring bearer. (It’s not essential to have a ring bearer, after all). Definitely don’t pair her with an adult GM, that would look a little creepy.

Post # 7
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

julies1949:  Hmm, it may depend on where you are from – it’s fairly common to have flower girls up to about 12 years old where I’m from, and I’ve even seen some 13/14 year olds. Eleven would definitely not be old here. It would be very young for a BM though, even a junior one.

As to whether she should walk on her own, it really depends on her personality. Is she the sort to get nervous/upset over that sort of thing?

Post # 9
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When my favorite Aunt got married a million years ago I was 12. I was asked to be a junior bridesmaid.  I walked down the aisle by myself right before her. I was not a flower girl, my dress was a more modest cut of the bridesmaid dresses and I had the same bouquet as them, not a basket of flowers.  I felt so grown up! I attended her shower and helped her pick out the flowers, got my nails done with all the girls the day before and pretty much did what most of the other wedding party did.  Now that I am planning my own wedding, her 13 year old daughter will be the same for me.  My junior bridesmaid. 

 

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Have her be a junoir bridesmaid and have her go down before the flower girl or if the flower girl(s) are really young have her pull them down in a cute wagon

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