need advice re: friend who I asked to be in wedding

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@beth2507:  Honestly, I was expecting this story to go in another direction, but after reading I just have to say I’m sorry. It sounds like this girl has decided to put other friendships above yours, while you still see her as your #1.  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to reach out and say that it’s clear to you that she doesn’t have an interest in even attending your wedding let alone being in it, and she’s off the hook.  Then have a good cry and move on.  Camping trip? are you effing serious?

 

Post # 4
Member
3153 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would answer her just as you plan. Short and sweet and to the point without being rude. This is one of the biggest days of your life and this girl obviously means a lot to you since she was the first one you called and the first one you thought of to be in your wedding. It saddens me that obviously she doesn’t deserve to be standing up there with you, in my opinion. She’s more concerned with one weekend of fun rather than standing with you on your wedding day. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully she’ll come around. Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@beth2507:  I’m so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this.  I do feel that it is unfair of her to leave you waiting like this for an answer that would be “more convenient for her.”  I think you make a very good point when you state that if she “can’t decide between camping and standing up for you on the most important day of your life,” she is making the decision right there that there that she has other priorities which trump your wedding day.  It would even be one thing if it was an issue due to her kids and their schedules even, but it’s really just her trying to decide between camping with other friends or being with you on your wedding day.  It sounds like, if I’m reading this correctly, due to the date chosen for her camping trip, she may not even attend at all?  I would be very hurt by this as well and don’t know that I would want someone standing up for me who wasn’t in full support of my wedding day and see it as an honor to be there…not just an inconvenience and something she’s doing out of a sense of duty.  I do hope it all works out for you.  Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Some best friend. I’d be pissed.

Post # 7
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think she has already decided on the camping trip, and her silence on your end is your answer from her. I would just move on with my wedding plans, and send her an invite when the time comes just to be polite.

Post # 8
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@beth2507:  you said it best 

Honestly the mean and hurt part of me wants to just text her and tell her to forget it.  If you can’t decide between camping and standing up for me on the most important day of my life maybe you should not stand up for me in the first place.  

I mean if this is your BFF I am worried. it doesn’t seem like you’re her BFF. I would be completely insulted by her response. 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I understand she’s made new friends with women who have kids and that’s a good thing but this is ONE day, it is your wedding day. They can go camping later, can’t they?

This is your wedding and I totally get that you just want to move forward and cannot wait forever. You should go with your plan. I know you wanted her there but you’re right, if she is even considering not going because of camping, you probably don’t want her there now.

If I were you, I would feel the same way.

Post # 10
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

Wow, that is really harsh of her. a camping trip that is not even booked yet is trumping your wedding? this is not a good friend. i am so sorry you had to find out this way. I would write her, tell how sad this has made you and then advise that she is off the hook.

Post # 11
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@beth2507:  That definitely sucks, and I’m sorry. It truthfully sounds like she isn’t committed or interested in being in your wedding party, so maybe it’s best just to contact her and say something like, “I’d love to have you in my wedding party, but I understand that it’s a big commitment. Why don’t we just agree that we’ll invite you to the wedding?” or something like that, to let her off the hook and to get your plans moving.

Post # 12
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Aw I’m sorry.  Yeah I agree with everyone else, it sounds like you and she have very different perspectives on where your friendship is at. 

Post # 13
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You are a much nicer person than I. If she was thinking about skipping my wedding for a camping trip I would have rescinded the offer immediately.

Post # 14
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@beth2507:  I’m sorry your dealing with this. People grow up and reach different life stages at different times; sometimes this leads friends to grow closer together and other times it causes them to grow apart. Its a natural part of life, but it does suck when it feels like the other person isn’t paying enough attention or being considerate.

Here’s what I think: I think its good she was honest about the camping trip from the start. She let you know that she may have other plans that might conflict with your wedding and she did not commit to be able to be in the wedding party because of it.

That said, she should have gotten back to you by now. It could be that they’re still attempting to figure out a weekend that works for everyone. . . It could also be that she’s attempting to find an alternate weekend now that she knows when the wedding will be and she is having trouble with that. . . Or it could be that she wants to attend, but doesn’t want to be in the Bridal party for some reason. . . Or maybe she has just grown closer to her other friends who are parents already and doesn’t want to attend the wedding because she would miss out on the camping.

Point being, you don’t know what her reasons for not calling or immediately accepting are and you won’t know until you ask. Just call her up and politely remind her about your conversation from a few weeks ago. Its entirely possible that she has a legitimate reason or that she no longer views you as her closest friend (or even a close friend) because of all the changes that have been happening in your lives. . . but you won’t know until you ask. Really try to listen to her and if it seems like she has a good reason for not accepting and not calling back sooner then try not to get upset or offended.

Post # 15
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@beth2507:  Just out of curiousity, does this friend live close to you at all? Would she have to fly to get to the wedding? If thats the case then maybe she isn’t able to afford flying out for the wedding. Or it might be that she isn’t comfortable leaving her kids with a babysitter yet. (Still, she should have gotten back to you sooner).

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors