- 4 years ago
This is my first thread and I’m sorry its a downer! I am a “waiting bee” with lots of marriage talk, ring shopping etc. He really is the man of my dreams, and is so supportive, loving, and kind and we have all the same values and interests. He’s the one, I’m sold.
BUT: we have jealousy issues
Namely he will get jealous of men from my past popping up (not even exes, just anyone)… sometimes when we’re out if I run into some male acquintence, or an old (male) friend will be stopping by town and want to meet for a drink. Sometimes he’ll get jealous if I small talk with (male) strangers when we’re out and about (I’m really talkative/friendly).
He doesnt get mean or aggressive, he never accuses or questions me, he just spins into his own head and ruins his own night and by extension, mine. He did this at a concert the other night that we were really looking forward to, because someone in passing said “Hey” (an old coworker, we didnt even breakstride to chat). I got angry that it bothered him and I picked a fight (I regret that… its just frustrating).
After he calms down he feels terrible, he says he knows hes being irrational but he cant help thinking about how I know this person, if Id be having more fun talking to others (I wouldnt), If I miss my old single life (I dont). Its like he goes down the rabbit hole.
To help him I have stopped making small talk with the opposite sex (he asked how I would feel if reversed and I saw the light), but sometimes he’ll make me feel shitty (not on purpose but when he feels bad I do too) by totally innocent things out of my control (like the “hey” at the concert).
He has been cheated on before, his dad cheated and ruined his parents marriage, and I know this comes from insecurity: but how can I help him? I’ve given him no reason not to trust me. I havent even considered another guy since the day I met him and I am NOT a cheater. His jealousy is emotional/irrational.
I sympathize because I used to be very hung up on his ex before me (she kept calling/texting) but he cut her off, and I forced myself to stop dwelling on it.
I would still happily marry him if it never got better (it only ruins maybe one night a month? and otherwise we do not fight), but that being said: I want it to stop for both of our sakes.
So how did you get over jealousy of your partner’s past? Or how did your guy get over it?
Thanks for any insight bees.