Need advice-sleeping arrangements with fiance

posted 2 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

s323:  Their house, their rules. Yes, you shoudl be repectful of their wishes under their roof. You are not going to  be spending the weekend apart. You just won’t be together for about 8 hrs, most of which you will be asleep.

Post # 3
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Stay in a nearby hotel at your own expense if you prefer sleeping arrangements other than what has been offered to you.  For many Christians, it is not just sin that you must avoid, but just the appearance of sin, and by sleeping in the same room a Christian could assume that you were sinning. If your aunt’s rule is to not even give the appearance of sin, then as a guest in her home you must abide by those rules

Post # 4
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My mom had the same rules in her house – and I was 30 and my boyfriend at the time was 35!  Unfortunately there is not much you can do if you want to stay there. her house, her rules!

Post # 6
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Their house = their rules.

Post # 7
73 posts
Worker bee

s323:  Our families are the same. I think because it is their house I would suck it up since it’s just a weekend and sleep in separate beds/rooms. Either that or spend the night in a hotel or motel somewhere nearby. For just a weekend though, I think I would just stay at the house and obey their rules. It doesn’t sound like they don’t respect you though, I feel many Christian familes are like this.

Post # 8
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not a Christian and neither was my ex-husband. His parents who were classically woolly Church of England attenders held very strong moral, rather than religious, views about unmarried couples sleeping together under their rules. We lived together for 3 years before we married but in all that time we slept in separate rooms at my ex in-laws home.

Sure, it seemed rather silly to arrive from the house that we shared back home only to be accommodated in separate bedrooms but it didn’t seem like a battle worth fighting. They were convinced that their view was the correct one and, after all, it was their house.  To object would have been discourteous and pointless. 

When they visited us they stayed at a hotel so that they weren’t forced to accept the blunt evidence what my former MIL called, rather quaintly, our “living in sin”. 

I wouldn’t even say they were disrespectful of our relationship though. They simply didn’t understand our lifestyle or why we thought it was just fine to share a bed before we married.

All the arguments in the world would not have changed their view. In fact, right up to her death (aged 97) last year, my former MIL insisted that my son and his FI (who have 2 children!) were accommodated separately at her house. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 9
405 posts
Helper bee

It is their house and their rules.  If you and your FI want to sleep together at night (which is perfectly OK, FI finds it hard to sleep when we are not in the same bed) then go to a hotel.

Post # 10
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

My grandparents are super old fashioned. My dad was in his 40s and had been dating his now wife for close to 5- 8 years and my grandparents always made them either stay in a hotel or seperate rooms when they visited. Its absurd to me but its their home and the rules apply. If you have an issue with it, stay in a hotel. You don’t want to be disrespectful!

Post # 11
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

s323:  I agree.  It’s their house their rules. 

Post # 12
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

If this is your aunt’s house and she’s the one who directly told you that you cannot sleep in the same room as your fiance, regardless of the fact that you’re getting married in 2 months…then just go stay at a hotel.  I would try to reason with her, but you can’t force her to accept your lifestyle.

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