Post # 1
I didn’t have sex until we were married, and FH did. I just had my first pap since we got married and it came back with hpv. My doc is going to do a repeat in 6 months. I know all the medical facts and the odds are good that it will clear (90%), but I feel so dirty and don’t want to have sex now because I keep thinking of FH being dirty. I want to do everything possible so that it clears and I found a study (not a great one) that said that was on women with abnormal paps worse than mine where the women who used condoms with their partner regressed a little more often. FH and I discussed it, and it’s not a great study. I am being super paranoid, and it’s affecting our relationship and sex life. I know it’s not very rational, but I am really struggling here. Please help!
Post # 3
I don’t really know much about HPV, other than it is a virus and viruses will never actually leave your body. Could you bring DH to the doctor with you and discuss what the two of you can do? Maybe having him there supporting you will make you more comfortable.
Because you married him, I assume you were okay with leaving the past in the past as far as his sexual history; at this point, you can’t do anything about his past partners, and as long as he is supportive of you, I don’t think you should punish him for something he did before ever met you. He’s still the same man you married, and now this is a “for better or worse” situation you two will have to work through together. Don’t let his past ruin the future of the relationship!
Post # 4
Did it come up as HPV or just abnormal cells? I had an abnormal pap before that was nothing. Having your period around the pap test or having sex right before it can cause abnormal cells to appear. If you are concerned about him having some type of STD, you should consider wearing condoms while being with him and see what the doctor suggests.
I agree with Miss BBQ that you can’t really punish him for something that happened in the past that you can’t change.
Post # 5
@guitargirl: My advice would be to see a counselor. You acknowledge that this may not be the most rational approach to this issue, which leads me to believe you may benefit from some individual counseling. Some things to think about would be “what makes this feel this way for me?” from your earlier life. We are taught things or learn things throughout our life that cause us to form our thoughts and opinions in the way we do. Sometimes this is healthy, sometimes it is not. In order to move beyond something, we need to learn where it is stemming from. Society, religion, and etc plays a role in how we view sexuality. If you do find a counselor, please select one that you feel comfortable and safe with. If the first one is not a fit, please don’t give up. There is always someone out there who will work for you. There are many different groups of counselors (CBT, Humanistic, Neo-analytic, person centered, gestalt, etc) to choose from. Explore the different types to find which one fits you best. I am only suggesting this because I know from personal experience that counseling is a great tool. I also have a masters in professional counseling, so I am a little partial due to that lol. I sincerely hope this helps.
Post # 6
I agree with MissAsB, it’s an important difference whether you had an abnormal pap or you actually have HPV. A pap smear only shows that you have abnormal cells, which could be HPV, but you have to get further testing to confirm. An abnormal pap is fairly common, so if it’s just that, you really shouldn’t be too worried at the moment.
As for your feelings about your husband, all I can say is that it’s extremely easy to contract HPV if you’re sexually active – the statistics of people who are infected are very high. I know that’s obviously not very comforting to you, but maybe if you try to think about it as he was just unlucky, it might help. As others said, you knew he had sex before marriage, but he is now committed entirely to you.
Post # 7
I have a high risk strain of HPV.
Post # 8
I’m sorry for your diagnosis. I’m sure that the two of you can figure something out.
Post # 9
I’d talk to him about it. Just tell your husband what you told us. I’m really sorry to hear about this. I know counseling gets suggested a lot but I think you should go. I’d talk to your doctor about his recommendation for sex and if he can suggest a therapist. Good luck! Definitely keep up with your paps!
Post # 10
I am so sorry you are going through this, this is definitely a tough situation. While your situation certainly implies that you did get it from him, and he from a previous encounter, I don’t think you should necessarily beat yourself up about it. I hope you find a way to turn this into something maybe you can help others with. Especially if you are a virgin and your partner isn’t, it is always a good idea to have your partner tested before you become active with them. I wouldn’t judge him for his history, because we all have our pasts, but I do hope this thread encourages others in similar situations to get tested with their partners before getting intimate! As others suggested, I think counseling would be super beneficial and definitely not something to be embarrassed about… these things happen!
Post # 11
I’m really sorry that stinks.
I think you should try, through counseling or just time on your own, to come to terms with this. There isn’t much you or your husband can do about it now.
Post # 12
And whether it makes you feel better or not, experts estimate that 80% of women will have been infected with a genital HPV infection, and 50% of men will. So you and your husband are definitely not alone in this situation.
Lots of good information here: http://hpv.emedtv.com/hpv/hpv-transmission-p2.html
Post # 13
From the same article – “There is no cure for HPV, although in most people, the infection goes away within a year. Since an HPV infection does not usually cause symptoms, most people are completely unaware that they have even been infected.”
So it may not be accurate that the virus will never leave your body. I don’t think it’s like herpes in that respect, but I’d definitely go back to your doctor for a full conversation to help everyone get on the same page and understand what this all means.
Post # 14
There are about 40+ strains of HPV. I think about half the population at one time or another has some straini of HPV, but it clears up on its own.
Definitely keep your follow up pap appointment and use condoms. Unfortunately, there is no test for men for HPV. Typically it’s only discovered that a guy has HPV is when he has a break out of genital warts.