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Hi ladies!
I need some advice. I just finished my first year of law school. My fiance is in the Air Force, stationed in Okinawa. We are getting married in just a few short weeks--August 14. We have been long-distance for a year, and while it has been difficult, we've coped pretty well. But last weekend I traveled to visit my sisters, who are both engaged, and I left feeling so, so sad. Just seeing them living WITH their fiances, setting up their homes, while the only contact I have with my Bryan is on the phone and through Skype, left me feeling devastated. I have 2 years left of law school, but something just came into me and told me that I should take a leave of absence from law school and move to Okinawa to be with Bryan.
If I move to Okinawa, we have less than 1 year left in Japan before we would PCS. Then Bryan will most likely be sent somewhere in the U.S. He has 5 years until retirement, and has promised me that we would move straight to Boston (where I go to law school) as soon as he retires so that I can finish law school. I am so torn between just sucking it up for 2 more years apart, or actually living with my beautiful husband. I know I CAN do the long distance, but I am just so sad without the physical presence of my husband.
Some other random details:
-I go to a a really, really good law school. So transferring to another law school closer to him after he PCS's back stateside is not an option.
-We want to start a family. If I take time off from law school, we would start right away, in all likelihood. If I don't take time off, it will be 2 years until I can be with my husband and we can start trying for a family.
-I am also worried that Bryan has no support system in Okinawa. He has dealt with this separation amazingly well, but the truth is that he is lonely and doesn't know very many people there. He is an officer, so he can't really hang out with his troops as friends too often. He has a daughter who is 5 and lives in the U.S. with her mother, and he only gets to see her twice a year as well. So being apart from his daughter AND his wife is really taking a toll on him.
Military wives: only you can help me. I am scared to let down my family, who is so proud of me for going to such an amazing law school. But I just want a normal life with my beautiful husband. Yes I do want to be a lawyer, but is it worth sacrificing this much?
It sounds like you already have your mind up, you want to move to japan. However, you have to realize that there is a very great chance that you won't return to law school. Especially if you have kids. If you are okay in your heart knowing you may never graduate, then move. But, if you feel like you will always regret it then don't, because you will always blame your husband somewhat.
Well, i'd probably stay in law school and finish since he plans on coming home anyways. Once he's in the U.S. it'll be so much easier!!! But that's probably easy for me to say because I finished college in another state than my husband and while he was deployed. I think it was the BEST thing I could've done for myself. Countdown to the 2 years! Giving up every single thing I want in life to live with my husband would not be satisfying. I love him, but I could not give up everything I wanted for him. You won't be working in Japan--will you go crazy all day? I certainly would. Chances are he will meet other officers in Japan. The military does a good job of having people to hang out with. Socials, things to do, bbqs, etc. An officer buddy of mine spent 2 years in Korea while his wife stayed here and he met people!
Chances are, if you take a break from law school, you won't go back. You HAVE to be ok with that or you'll resent your husband--not to mention you'll owe all that money for school and you'll have no degree to show for it. But if you stick it out, you may feel like "boy this sucks now, but it'll soooo be worth it". DH and I were even living apart after we were married. I wasn't that bothered by it...it was what I saw as the best, most logical option and i KNEW it wasn't forever. That kept me plugging along. As a military wife, you will not have a "normal" life, really. You have to be ok with that lifestyle or suck it up for a few years. I, personally, was NOT ok with the lifestyle and was happier having my own life and allowing my husband to supplement it, not my husband becoming my life. That is what will happen if you drop everything and move to Japan--but you have to be okay with leaving behind your own dreams and desires. I spent 8 weeks in Savannah living with DH and i felt like a puppy waiting for him to get home. i was so bored, all i did was cook and clean. I hated it so much I vowed never again! I felt i was too ambitious to be living that lifestyle at the age I was at.
Anyways, think long and hard. Or tell yourself in a year you'll reevaluate.
Realize that if you leave you probably canNOT just take a leave of absence, you will have to start over. It isn't like undergrad where you can leave for 10 years and come back. Unless you're only going to be gone 1-2 years max, i would be extremely surprised if they let you pick back up where you left off.
So really the decision is stay apart for 2 years or delay your legal career by 6 years (5 years + the year you will lose).
If I were you, i'd go to japan. Husband > job. Any job. But then again, I am a lawyer and I dont love it so i guess i'm biased :)
Thanks nannettenicole. I think I am leaning towards moving to Japan, but it's a really tough choice. Bryan has made me promise him that we will move back to Boston to finish law school when he retires in 5 years. I'm also worried that I won't have anything to do in Japan. Once we PCS back to the U.S. I could find a job as a teacher, because I have my Master's in Elementary Ed. and used to teach 4th grade (which I miss), but moving would mean at least 9 months in Japan without a job.
We knew when we embarked on this that we would have to be apart, and that it would mean some sacrifices.
Well, I wouldn't recommend law school to anyone at this point anyway. There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs.
However, if getting a JD is really important to you, you should know that if you leave after your first year, it will be really difficult for you to get back in not only to your current school, but also any other law school. An interruption in your law studies is a huge red flag for any law school. I would talk to your school about it, but I don't think you will automatically be allowed back in to finish your degree.
Talk to the Dean of Students (or whoever that is at your school) and make sure you make the decision at least knowing all of the options. I never looked into at law school, but in a different graduate program I was in you had five years to finish (it was a 1-2 year program), or you'd have to start over. A leave of absence for the amount of time you're talking about might not be possible. And if it's not, would you still want to leave law school?
I hated law school but could never find a good enough reason to leave. I don't think I would in your situation, either. If you ever want to be a lawyer, probably best to finish it now.
I am also a lawyer and something that scared me to death was this: you reach a certain point in your law school life (I think it is 3/4 of the way through your 1L) that you cannot afford to quit. There is a point, if you are taking out loans, where you owe more than you could make if you left.
If you aren't borrowing money for law school, I don't know what to say. I am not a military wife and I hated law school, so I am not in a position to give you any advice other than to go with your heart. (Oh, and I am jealous that you will be debt-free...)
If you are borrowing the cash, you really have to think about the investment you have already made and how much it is worth to you to quit.
From my school's leave of absence policy, it seems that they will grant a 1 year leave of absence, and maybe extend it to 2 years. If I ask for more time, they will require me to petition the administrative board.
I am planning to go into child welfare law, so I will not be making very much money at all, but my law school repays my loans if I go into public interest. I do like law school, and after my summer internship, I definitely think I will enjoy children's law. If I stay in it will be difficult to find a job after graduation, because I will be limited to wherever Bryan is stationed at the time.
I really appreciate all of your opinions--they have really given me a lot to think about. There is, of course, always the added detail that Bryan could get deployed in 2011 after we PCS back to the states.
I feel like I need to spend a lot of time in a quiet location to think this one through.
How old are you? How important is your career? What kind of law do you want to practice? How important is having a family? How important is your relationship with your husband? These are the questions that I would first ask myself if I were in your shoes. I have had a lot of wake up calls in the past 6 mos (two YOUNG friends diagnosed with cancer and one friend's YOUNG father die unexpecantly) and so if I had read this post last year, I would have advised you to go for law school. BUT, I have new outlook on thigs right now. LIFE IS SHORT. If being with your husband and starting a family are what is important to you right now, then do it. Don't wait another day. Personally, I have working really hard on my career with a Fortune 5 company over the past 10 years and recently been told my job is being eliminated. It has been a wake up call to say the least. All of the personal sacrifices I have made for my job... travel, weekends, etc. aren't worth anything right now. A good resume, sure, but what else? I understand you're in a really good law school and if you were to leave, I'm sure some of your friends/family would look at you like you have 3 heads. But do those people have the right priorities?? Will it really be a big deal if you ended up finishing up at a law school of a state university somewhere? Would you really be any less of a lawyer? Or would it really embarrass you to hang that diploma in your office??
It's pretty obvious what I think you should do but then I may be older and seeing things through a different lens. I do understand that a lot of miliarty couples do survive the distance and the deployments and I completely applaud them and thank them all for their service to this country when it means so many personal sacrifices for their families. But your distance/separatation isn't due to a deployment, right? How many military wives would LOVE to have the opportunity to be with their husbands in another country instead of separated from them?!
Good luck with your decision - it is a hard one and I don't envy you. And a big thanks to your husband for his service to our great country!
This is a tough decision but partly becuase there are so many unknown facts. I agree with the pp that you should talk to someone (e.g. dean of students) and see what your options are based on your situation. Are you 100% set on being a lawyer? If not, I'd say leave and start your life as a military wife with your husband. Teaching lends itself to moving around a lot more than law does. Once he moves back to the states, is he done with the military completely? (I don't know much about military life...) If not, it will be really difficult for you to move around with legal jobs. You might have to take multiple bar exams (this in and of itself will be expensive), have trouble finding work, etc. I too am an attorney (like many of the pp), and I love my job, but I consider myself EXTREMELY lucky to have found a practice area and co-workers than I absolutely love. This is rare as far as young lawyers go, I think.
Also, if you plan to have a child in the next 5 years before you might go back to law school - do you think you'll really want to go back to law school and then become a lawyer? Not sure what type of law you want to go into, but even though I love my job, I understand that this is not the type of weekly schedule (meaning # of hours worked, uncertainty of work schedule, etc) that I will want when I'm a parent.
So... I voted for move to Japan. Because you only get one chance at life, and if you aren't dead set on being an attorney, two years in law school apart from your husband will be miserable. Especially in this tight legal market where you really have to know where you are going to try to practice (if you want to go to a firm) in time for on campus interviews this upcoming fall. It doesn't sound like your situation will lend itself to knowing that. Plus, it sounds like you really enjoyed teaching. Your family's happiness that you got into a good school will not keep you warm at night like your hubby will... just sayin' :)
I am not a military wife, nor am I a law student, so you can take this how you want, but I personally could never live away from my husband like that.
I would move to Japan, no questions asked. Being with my husband and starting a family would be more important to me than finishing law school which may not work out anyway. You may finish law school and not find a job (hopefully you would!) and have lost the first two years of your marriage with your wonderful husband. You can always go back to school, but you can never get those first married moments back.
You said you have a masters in education and you miss it? Why not do that? Is there anyway you could teach in Japan? Living in Japan is something the average person doesn't get to do...have you thought about it like that?
I also think that this is the sort of thing that only you can decided and that CAN NOT be put to a WeddingBee vote! I know how much I love WB, but you have to fallow your heart on this one and not a community of strangers. Best of luck!!
@CorgiTales: Lol, I sadly have to agree with you. Husband > Job. I'm wondering if any of the Bees encouraging her to finish law school are actually lawyers. I feel like saying to jlaprade, "Get out while you still can!"
Seriously, a law degree isn't all it is cracked up to be. Had I been in your position during law school, I'd probably have sucked it up and finished. Now with hindsight (I've been a lawyer for five years), I'd have ditched law school, no question. But of course, had I known now what I know then, I'd not have gone at all....so my opinion is probably not worth all that much!
You should finish what you are doing. I think you should stay in school. The time will pass quickly and you will have the satisfaction of finishing what you started. You will be able to feel good about your accomplishments and have a sense of identity. Dear person, stay in school.
I don't know everything about your situation, but I do know how it feels to not hold out, and to go with your feelings in the moment, and later regret it.
If you are 100% SURE you want to be a lawyer and you need a law degree, that's one thing. If you think you can find happiness in children's welfare by working in it, but not being a lawyer, I'd pursue one of those routes!It seems like with a masters in education you could possibly make it all work.
Maybe you need to do some shadowing to be really sure you want to do this?
Speaking from experience, I say move to Japan. I can't tell you how many times I have been so sad about missing those "moments"...you never get a first year of marriage back. While my husband is stateside, we still only manage to see eachother every few months. Like you, it's not like we can just hop in a car and drive 5 hours and see our hubs...It's a heck of a lot different when you literally go months at a time. And with you, it may be more. Coordinating leave dates with your school breaks could be brutal. Are you prepared to go all that time without seeing him? Like you, I spent time with a little sister last week who is newly engaged. Actually, I spent the 4th of July weekend w/ her and her FI as well. It was so hard...so much harder than I could have thought.
Like you said, he will be coming back to the states, but the chances of him going to where you are going to law school are probably not that great...which means once he's back in the states, you'd still be in the same predicament. If it were only a year and then you'd be guaranteed to go back to Boston, I'd say try to stick it out, but not feel bad if you can't. Beings it's going to be a couple of years, I say move to Japan. The ONLY reason I am not with my husband right now is because I literally could not financially afford to give up my job. Had I been able to have the same earning power where he is right now, I would have left to be with him in a heart beat. I love my career, but I love my husband more.
Oh man this is tough. I feel you girl. My fiance is in the Marine Corps. A little background on me-I was working at a very successful marketing firm when we met, had a ton of friends in my city and was dancing for a professional sports team. I loved my life. I met my future hubby and fell madly in love. He was stationed at Camp Pendleton and I decided to give up everything I had to move to Cali with him. Took me about 4 months to find a job and the job sucked. But I was desperate for something (even if it paid me $12,000 less than what I was making). Fast forward 6 months-we found out he was being deployed to Afghanistan. I did not want to be in California all by myself with a crappy job so I moved back to where I was living. I've been here aboud 5 months now and still no job. I'm beyond frustrated. I was a very career-oriented woman and now I find myself going nowhere with my career or my degree. On that negative note here is a positive...
Although I hate not having a job and fear I will never really have a real career, moving with him has been worth it and so much more. Being away from my man is miserable. Granted, you have already been through this so you know but you have one chance to live as newlyweds. You have to make the decision that is right for you. You know you'll be happy with your hubby and even though prolonging law school is not ideal, it's still do-able. Plus, when do you have the chance to live a year in Japan ever again?! I've heard Okinawa is pretty awesome.
It sucks that you won't be able to get back in to the great school you are at but I'd say that is your biggest con. So essentially when you take every outside factor away and really simplify this it comes down to A. living your years as newlyweds together and forgoing the great law school but get your degree later or B. Stick it out another year being away, focus on school and enjoy your time together when he's done in Japan.
If it were me, I'd go to Japan. Like the Beatles said, "All you need is Love"
Good luck. Keep us posted!
I feel like I have to speak up in support of being a lawyer here! I like it a lot and am really glad I did it. I think even if I stop practicing law it's going to be a valuable degree to have.
To me it would depend on my options in Japan. I wouldn't sacrifice my own career just to be close to my husband for a year. A year just isn't that long in the big scheme of things. However, if there were awesome options for me in Japan - things I wanted and that I felt were good for me as an individual - then yup I'd move. Obviously being with your husband > not being with him.
I'm not a military wife, but I am a lawyer.
Anyway, I don't know if you've thought about this: Finish one more year and then when your husband comes back to the US, transfer to a school wherever he is stationed. If you leave after your first year, the degree you earn is from the second school you attend, but if you have two years in at the school in Boston, and then transfer, your degree will still be at the Boston school.
At least with this plan you would be with your husband sooner (1 year, not 2) and still finish law school on time, get your degree from the school you have been attending, and if you wanted, could even start a family during that third year (I know lots of girls who did). Just my two cents : ) Good luck!
Do you go to HLS? I'm just guessing, since you're in Boston at a really good law school. If so, you can get your Harvard degree by spending two years there and your third year at a different law school. Other schools might have similar programs. If you did that, you would only have one more year of long distance, and then you could transfer to a law school near him for your third year (and still have the degree from the Boston school). But that would still mean one more year apart.
You could also look into study abroad opportunities and try to spend a semester in Asia so you'd be somewhat closer.
I agree that law school is not necessarily the best career path these days. But if you're at a top law school, the degree does give you a wealth of opporunities. I've been long distance with my fiance for two years so that we could both do federal appellate clerkships. We've missed each other, but I do think ultimately, it's been the best thing for us career-wise.
Anyway, it definitely depends on your situation. Best of luck!
My advice is to take a step back and think about what made you go to law school in the first place. Think about the priorities in your life and what you want to make a priority in the next 5 years. If family is your number one priority (meaning him and children) I say go to Japan.
I am a lawyer. I've been through law school and have been practicing for about 5 years now. You don't just have two years left, you have two years and then the bar. Then once you can actually work, it is hard. It is long days. This is what you devote your time to, it is your top priority. It may be different in the area of law you want to go into, but it is still tough.
I am now at a point where I am getting married and want children in the next 2 years. My career is no longer my priority. I am really starting to believe that you can't have it all, at least not in this profession and at my age. I am trying to find a smaller firm that is a lifestyle firm, but that is tough to find. The majority of my friends are in the same position as I am, and feel the same way. We all pretty much think that if we had to do it over again, we wouldn't have gone to law school in the first place. If you miss teaching, maybe that was the career for you.
If you want a family and that is your top priority, then you have to go for it. You can always come back to lawschool later in life and try it then.
If you're going to school at Harvard, stay.
A JD from that school will open up doors for you like nothing else will. You've made it through your 1L year, which is the hardest and most stressful year of law school.
I think that just having gone through that, the comfort of being in the same place as your husband sounds amazing, but you're already 1/3 of the way through with school.
You can spend your summer after your second year in Okinawa if you really want to, or even move to Okinawa right after graduating and delay taking the bar exam.
Getting the degree is a good goal for now. You don't have to be a lawyer if you don't want to, but like other people said, even if you are able to pick up where you left off and return to school, it won't be the same.
I went to law school, took the bar, passed the bar, and decided I wanted to be a photographer instead of a lawyer. So I chose that. But the thing is, I had the CHOICE. My husband is practicing, and I can always pay money and become an active bar member if I want to.
The more options you have for your future, the better. :)
I couldn't face the idea of throwing away a year of my life - plus all that money.
If I could find a solution that would make use of that year of law school, I would probably move.
Yes, I go to HLS.
The plan has been to be apart for 3 years and then no matter where he is stationed when I graduate in 2012, I would find a job there. And take advantage of the loan repayment program to pay off my loans. I don't have any biglaw or clerkship aspirations...I just want to work with children, live with my husband, and raise a family. I like finishing what I started, but after spending my twenties going from undergrad to teaching to law school, I'm also craving some stability and family. Not only am I away from my husband, but I'm across the country from my family, at the same time that 2 of my sisters are nesting and getting married as well.
You guys have given me so many things to think about. The good news is that I get to see Bryan in exactly 2 weeks! I will keep you guys posted on everything. And I will probably continue to read and re-read your posts to help me make this decision.
Stay in law school for your second year and then take a lot of summer courses. For your third year, participate in a legal clinic in child law in Japan, write a journal article/do indpendent studies to count toward your credits. How about seeing wether taking courses at a law school in Japan count toward the credits you need to finish your degree?
What I'm trying to get at is law schools have some flexibility. I did a study abroad program in the Carribean during law school and earned 6 credits and also got credit for doing journal work that I could do at home and writing and publishing a journal article. Talk to your teachers and the dean. You'll have to make some concessions but there may also be some options. Good luck. Don't make any rash decisions and remember to look at ALL the facts first.
One other comment on HLS. If you do decide to stick it out for one more year, you can probably arrange to do the January term with him in Okinawa. It's pretty easy to set up an independent clinical abroad. That would at least give you Christmas holidays, plus one full month with him. Might be a nice way to break up the year apart. And then do your third year wherever he's stationed in the U.S.!
Good luck with your decision :) Long distance is the worst.
If you like child welfare you can work as a Guardian ad Litem in a few states as a non-attorney. Just FYI for future employment prospects involving your (and my) area of interest. :)
Wow, hard stuff. Well I think as the best down the middle compromise, you could take the ONE year leave and go to Japan, while he is his loneliest. Then you can take a big breath for and gear up for a separation, while you go back to HLS, and he is safely sationed in the US.
It's tough. On the one hand, I'm afraid if you leave school, you won't go back. But one year? Maybe you'll still have some eagerness to get back. However, you are married, and probably should nurture your relationship. (Especially if you feel as though your spouse is having a hard time, and really needs you.)
I don't think I'd recommend staying out of school for 5 years, especially if you'll be giving up Harvard. But I'd also hate for your relationship to hit a rocky patch because you two weren't there to support each other.
(Sorry if anyone said this. I wanted to go through all pp. But don't have time.)
Good luck. Keep us posted.
@jlaprade: It sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders. Based on what you said your goals are, you can work with children with your current degree or with your law degree, so you can't really go wrong if you stay or if you go! :)
It is my personal opinion that being successful is really just a function of how happy you are... so follow your heart and do what makes YOU (and your FI) happy. I went to a top law school also, but I hardly view it as part of my identity like I do being an outgoing, generous, fun FI, (future wife), daughter, sister, etc. I think maybe when I was in your shoes I would've stayed in law school, but as time goes on I realize that the people in our lives that we love are really the most important thing... more important than any degree. Is graduating from the top law school (or one of the top 3) an amazing accomplishment? Of course it is! But does that happiness outweigh the costs of living apart from your man for two years? I think it really really depends on each individual relationship, so only you can decide what is best for you. Good luck! :)
Good luck to you. I don't think that I can really add very much to what was said above. Except that if your heart isn't into law school, no matter what school it is, then don't go back. You said you want to work with children, would you consider going into social work instead? You may have an easier time finding jobs in that field. And do you know how is deployment timeline would play into everything? Because it would be really tough to move all the way to Okinawa just to have him deploy, and leave you there on your own, having giving up on law school.
FI and I have lived apart for 2 1/2 years now and it's been hard. Now that he's deployed I question whether we made the right decision by living apart. And even though I have my doubts, I know that I need to stand on my own, working on my goals before I could be his wife. I wouldn't be happy any other way. Even then, I have career goals that could keep us apart for a long time and put a family on hold. So I feel your pain. Again, best of luck to you.
@Violet_Violet: He won't be deployed while he's in Okinawa, because any deployment that is available would likely put him over his PCS date in May. If a short deployment became available, he could I suppose be sent, but it's looking unlikely. But as soon as he's back stateside, we're guessing he will be deployed--so a late-2011 deployment is very likely.
The other thing I have been thinking about: if he is stationed somewhere undesirable when I graduate, I will be at square one. I will have to take the bar there and look for a job, and depending on where he is stationed, it could be really hard to find a job that I love.
What about just taking the one year off? Take a year to go to Japan and enjoy your first year as newlyweds, then when he returns back to the US you come back to Boston. It would be hard to separate after being together, but domestic airfare isn't so bad right? Not sure how you'd work out the baby thing though, that's a tough one! Good luck with whatever you decide!
@Neva: i totally agree with you... the lawyers on this board all seem to be like "go! run!" haha.
I also agree with the other lawyers on this board that being a lawyer isn't as cool as you probably think it is. Its a job like any other job. It'll have its ups and downs...
One thing I'm wondering is how seriously you've thought about the bar. It is heavy stuff, and not something you want to do more than once or twice max. You cannot be a lawyer and follow your husband around the country because it takes so long to study for the bar that by the time you did that and found a job, you'd be there like a year before you'd have to move again. The exception of course is if you find states with reciprocity (but usually you have to practice for at least 5-10 years for that to work) or work in a fed govt job that allows you to have any bar.
I just graduated law school this May (bar exam in 5 days! WOOO!). I did not like law school. I went to a really good law school as well, with a more collegial and friendly environment than most other schools, so I didn't hate my school, I just hated what I was doing. I realized after my 2nd year that I did not want to be a lawyer. I finished anyway because I was 2/3 of the way through, I had been in it for too long to quit.
In my opinion, 1 year in is not too late to let it go. The job market for lawyers is AWFUL right now. Really terrible. I mean, so bad that it's affecting T-14 graduates. If in your heart you want to be a lawyer 100%, then definitely stay. But you have to want it. Having a JD and not wanting to be a lawyer is kind of a crappy situation, because you're unqualified or overqualified for most other things and basically on the same level as college graduates, except you have an "I'm super smart" stamp since you went to a highly ranked law school. And people are impressed when you tell them over dinner conversation. But that's about it.
It all really depends on what you want. If you want a career as a lawyer, then definitely stay. You can't put this off. Just get it over with, and you can move on with your life without the baggage of having to complete law school while having a family, etc. Law school (and studying for the bar) is not fun, and I think you will be relieved and happy to have completed that part of your life when you're ready to move on. But if your heart isn't into being a lawyer, then you should reconsider.
@CorgiTales: & @Neva: Ha, not all of us. I will try to talk anyone out of *going* to law school who isn't there yet, but I think it'd be a huge waste to finish a year at HLS and then quit if you're not miserable at school. Might as well at least finish the degree (I think a year of law school is a lot more detrimental to your career than a JD; you don't have to work as a lawyer with a law degree, but you *can't* without one!).
@spaniel: I see your point but (and i dont know her financial situation but in general)-- law school debt is oppressive. one year is bad, but 3 years is terrible. i literally can't afford to do anything else because if i'm not a lawyer i can't pay my student loans! I went into law school with the philosophy that I wanted the jd to give me options but i didn't necessarily want to be a lawyer... but then I realized that 1) if you don't practice right when you get out it will be REALLY hard to ever get a job as a lawyer in the future, essentially making my jd worthless and 2) being a lawyer was the only job i could get where i could afford to pay my loans (and we're talking 25 years graduated loans here, not like i'm trying to pay them off in 10) and not eat ramen. And I went to a state school! I just don't think this job is worth giving up 2 years with my fi... and i know the job/degree lasts longer than the separation but that is how i would feel if i were in her shoes. and she did ask for our opinions after all :)
and for what it is worth, i actually didn't mind law school. i thought it was kind of fun and i had a good time on journal, in student groups, etc. so i'm not just anti-law school
I'm 10 years out of law school and had a long-distance marriage for most of my first marriage so I can imagine what a very difficult decision this must be. Honestly, it really comes down to you and what your priorities are. I will say this, I hated law school, but my degree has opened huge opportunities for me (I do not practice law any more, but work in a related field with more reasonable hours and more interesting work) and for that I am hugely grateful I stuck with it. Unfortunately, the law is a very prestigious driven field (including for most non-profit fellowships), so definitely consider that if you aren't able to finish your degree at as highly-ranked of a school, it might have significant impacts on your career prospects in the future, especially in a weak economy.
@CorgiTales: That's true about the opporessive debt. I'll be able to pay mine off in ten years if I stay at the job I'm starting, I think, but it won't really be a big jump in the lifestyle that I had before law school, either, which sort of defeats the purpose for me--the degree is kind of financially useless, and not really all that personally satisfying either. :-/ I can't say I've read every word here but I do think I read about the loan forgiveness program (although I'm not sure I would want to commit to one kind of work for ten years), so I was operating on the no/low debt presumption. If that were the case, I'd rather have the whole JD than 1/3 of it. :)
Stay in school.
While he is in Okinawa for that last year, tell him to talk to everyone he possibly can to get stationed near your law school when its time for him to PCS.
Usually when returning from a tour overseas, its not too difficult to get the base you want stateside but he may have to change jobs.
The year will fly by though I would (gently) suggest pushing the wedding back until he returns so you both can spend your newlywed time together.
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