Post # 1
So I am getting married to a wonderful man in May. This will be my second marriage, first for him. I am 30 years old and my fiancé is 23. In 2011. I married my ex after 3 years together… Hindsight is 20/20… And a few months into the marriage my ex became abusive. I left when he began to get physically abusive (he has been mainly emotionally abusive). So within 8 months of being married I was able to get a divorce. I have been with my fiance for two years now and he is honestly the kindest, most supportive man I have ever met.
Okay, so what I need advice with… For my previous marriage, we did have a wedding. it was small, we had about 40 people come. the wedding consisted of mostly my friends and family (as my ex didn’t have a lot of friends… Should have been a hint right there). I am now faced with wanting desperately to announce my engagement with both my fiancé and my friends and families, and the shame I feel because I was married and divorced so quickly before.
My fiancé is so understanding and is not pressuring me to announce it. Our family and very close friends know… But in this day and age… Facebook is how everyone announces their engagement and I know deep down my fiancé wants that. We aren’t planning a big wedding. we are going to do the ceremony at a beautiful spot we both love with our immediate family only And dinner at his families house after. I just am hoping for some reassurance that i should ignore any judgement people may express. Any advice you ladies have would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
@Kel_ster: I’m a second time bride marrying my first time groom. I couldn’t have been more excited to change my status on Facebook. People will always judge, but it’s your life, and what matters is you and your fiance.
Post # 4
@Kel_ster: You have nothing to be ashamed about with regards to your previous marriage. If anything, you are to be commended for being able to leave when you did. Hold your head up high! Announce your engagement when you feel ready to do so, and to hell with anyone who has anything negative to say.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. You are so right… I want so badly to shout from the rooftops that I get to marry this man! Screw anyone who judges me!!!! Thanks for the support 🙂
Post # 6
@Kel_ster: Please don’t worry what others think – you cannot control what anyone else thinks. Enjoy your happiness and your special day!! And congratulations! I’m so happy you found someone who appreciates you and treats you well. I’m an encore bride, my divorce was a long time ago but also after a short, abusive marriage. My gratitude at finding a kind man with whom my heart is safe knows no bounds. 🙂
Post # 7
@Astra: thank you 🙂 I’m so thankful that i not only found him… But was able to recognize and accept that I actually deserve a nice man. i guess I just never thought I was worthy of someone good. I really appreciate your kind words
Post # 8
There is no shame in being an encore bride. And no shame in only a short marriage. You recognised your ex for the abusive brute that he was, and you left him. There is no shame in that.
Tell the world how happy you are to be marrying the wonderful man that you have. And enjoy every moment of it!
Post # 10
@Kel_ster: I’m a first time bride marrying a second time groom also with an 8 month first marriage. No one has been judgemental at all :-).
Post # 11
@Kel_ster: My brother remarried and I didn’t see negative comments when he and his fiancee announced their engagement on facebook. Far from it! It was all positive.
p.s. I assume you’re telling the very closest people (like immediate family) personally – facebook is too impersonal a place to hear about the engagement of your own sibling, child or parent.
Post # 12
@aussiemum1248: oh yes… We actually got engaged on new years eve… Our immediate families have known since then. And close friends also know. the fb thing was just more for people we don’t often see. Many of my fiance’s friend’s live in the mainland and so do a lot of mine.
It’s so sad that I feel shame, because the shame has nothing to do with my fiancé. I am so proud to be witH him and be marrying him. It’s more the shame that people will judge me. I have gotten all of the “Britney Spears” and “Kim kardashian” comments from friends… It was always said in a joking way. But it still hurt.
Post # 13
@Kel_ster: DH is a 2nd time groom. They separated after less than a year. Everyone at the wedding, even the ones that had been at his first, were so happy to see him so happy. The people that love you wont judge you. They just want whats best for you. So shout your engagement from the roof top!
Post # 15
Just wanted to say that I was an encore bride and it was DH’s first weddinge (we also have a similar age differece to you). No one made me feel bad at all- in fact everyone was super happy and supportive. Good luck!
Post # 16
My FI and I are both in our 40’s and both encores…we told immediate family and close friends first, and then blasted it on Facebook. 🙂 We got nothing but well wishes! Do whatever you’re comfortable with…and CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂