Need Advice with FSIL – drama!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ohiogal1201:  I doubt that she will be satisfied with a position that is basically work. She wants to be in the wedding party and the pics, not working behind the scenes.

I would just ignore her and carry on with your plans.

Post # 5
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My advice would be to carry on just as you are.  She had a chance to be included in your wedding ceremony in a very visible way (the reading) and chose not to accept.

If she is given another part I’d worry that she would use it to create more drama.

Maybe you could keep the reading position open and hope she decides to do it after all – that way if she tries to create drama it only reflects on her???

Best of luck and I hope you will enjoy your planning from here on out!

Post # 6
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I’m with the others – at this point nothing you give her otherwise is going to sate her, and I think if you continue, it may just continue feeding into the drama over the next 10 months.

As I see it, your options are:
Carry on.

 

or

 

Drop the wedding party entirely. Though they’re a nice touch, they aren’t necessary and I can tell you it was one of the best decisions I ever made in getting married. No drama, no problems.

Post # 7
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m surprised no one has suggested including her. I was hurt when my brother didn’t include us, but I got over it because they only had a BM/MOH. I’m actually not including them because we’re just doing best men/MOHs.

FI has close cousins who are like sisters to him and I know his mom was initially upset that we didn’t include them, but he was OK with it and they didn’t say a word. (I know they are having financial issues).

If it’s important to your FI and his sister, I think you should include her. It doesn’t mean she has to make it to the bachelorette party or help with the shower honestly.

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Ohiogal1201:  Could you make her your personal attendant? Like the day of she can help you with your dress and veil?

 

Post # 9
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Bubbles42:  I actually agree with you. I would be hurt if my brother didn’t include me in the wedding party. I just feel if that’s his ONLY sister, what’s the big deal? She is only one person, it’s not as if he has 5 sisters and all of them want to be included.

Post # 10
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Ohiogal1201:  She is being a brat…try to ignore it, if she doesnt want to do the reading that is ridiculously immature. Start as you mean to go on, its your wedding:)

Post # 11
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree with most other posters. You’ve already given her the option to be included with a reading, and it sounds like she’s being petty. Some of the other options sound more like “work”, and judging from what you’ve told us so far, I don’t think she’d be into that. And remember, giving her jobs, also means more opportunity for her to add drama and control things. I don’t necessarily agree that you should just include her to appease her. This is one day that is all about you and your FH, and as long as your FH is okay with it, then I think leaving her out of the bridal party is completely acceptable. It sounds like she’s kinda immature, and I think including her just to keep her happy is the wrong way to go.. it will only reinforce her bratty behaviour (e.g. put up a stink/ and then refuse to be included in any other way when the offer is extended.. and eventually end up in the bridal party.. it delivers the message to her that, if I complain, act petty/ am unwilling to compromise, I will get my own way).
Also, it shoudn’t be completely up to you to include her. Your FH could include her on his side.

Post # 12
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I had to deal with the exact situation and so I know how you feel. Unlike you however, my FI and I had agreed that she would not be included and then months after he bascially turned around and said that it would be important to him to include her. She on the other hand felt entitled to be included because as she told me, its HER brother. So well, I gave in and included her. She is now unable to pay for her dress (i bought all their shoes), unable to contribute to the shower and basically if she is to participate in this wedding, expects my FI and I to pay for her dress and my other bridesmaids to cover her share of the shower.

All i’m doing is laughing at this situation because it is so ridiculous that she would insist on a position and not be mindfull of the accompanying expense of it all. The reason we had decided to exclude her in the first place is because we knew it would be tough on her financially, she is 24 and has 2 kids by a dead beat who does not help her.

Ah well….I’m just waiting to see how it all works out. As a high school friend of mine would say “why cry when you could laugh”.

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