- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
I’m writing this anonymously. I guess I’m a little paranoid that this might somehow get back to someone I know.
I joined a gym a year ago but just within the last 6 months have gotten really serious about toning up and losing weight. I joined a class in August and have gone 3 days a week pretty religiously since then. If I have to miss a day I feel guilty, I honestly enjoy working out and I’ve been really proud of the results I’m getting. Since Jan I have started to make-up my missed workout days by either going to another class a different day or just going to the gym and working out by myself.
So I guess here is where the problem comes in. I’ve met some people through my class. Some are people I work with, maybe in another dept but I see them occassionally at lunch or whatever. A couple of people are not from my work. On facebook I added a few of these people as friends and one of them is a guy. I’m not attracted to him at all, he’s just a nice guy and we talk casually before our class and sometimes on facebook he’ll post on my page “What did you think of class tonight” or “My arms are really sore from all those burpees” or whatever. Our conversations are always workout/class related. I do know he’s married because he told me once he was trying to convince his wife to join the gym and workout with him. I mentioned that I was trying to get my FI to do the same. Basically me and Mr Gym (we’ll call him) are Accountabili-Buddies.
So yesterday I was on facebook and noticed he posted on my page. Saturday morning I had gone to a class (first time I had gone to this class) and Mr Gym was leaving a class that was right before mine. There were a few others from my other class that were walking out and we all stopped in the hall, quick said hellos etc and then I went to my class. After my class when I got home I raved about the class and told my FI he should come with me next time. I’ve been trying to get my FI to come with me to classes for a while but he always has an excuse. So anyway Mr Gym posted on my page asking me how I liked the class and about what our instructor had us do (who is our Monday class instructor). I posted back and my FI came up behind me and saw.
FI immediately got mad, because I was facebooking another guy. He swore at me and yelled and said he couldn’t believe I would hide this from him. Which I wasn’t at all. My facebook page is public to him, at any time he could have gone onto my facebook page or accessed it from my phone and saw our conversations. I didn’t mention it to him because I didn’t think it was anything worth mentioning. As I mentioned I talk to a few other people from my class, although he is the only guy. I told him I was not attracted to him at all, and explained it was just someone from my class, end of story.
Well we got into a fight, then we talked about it but he doesn’t want me talking to this guy anymore. His reasoning is that while he “trusts me” he can’t help but wonder everytime I go to the gym if its not so I can meet up with Mr Gym. I started crying and said “If this is what you think than maybe we shouldn’t be getting married because I’ve never given you a reason to not trust me.” We talked some more and things got better.
Well then we went grocery shopping and I mentioned I needed to get some more bottled water for the gym and FI has to say “I always wondered why you got so upset when you missed a class. Now I think I know why.” I got really quite and didn’t say anything to him the rest of the time we shopped. When we got in the car he asked what was wrong with me and I told him his comment really upset me. Then he says “Well now everytime I’m out of town I’m going to imagine you with him.” I finally yelled to him “You act like we had sex and you caught me with him! It was a facebook post on my public page that anyone can see, you can see it, my family and friends can see it, your family can see it! I don’t understand why you keep fixating on this I did NOTHING WRONG!” I then made dinner for us, which we were both quiet but he did thank me for dinner and we sat down to watch a movie we had rented the other day. Things got better and we went to bed cuddling.
I woke up this morning, got ready for work (he leaves way before I do but he kissed me goodbye like every other morning). I called him as I was driving to work, like I always do. Then at lunch I called him, again I do this everyday. We talked for a bit and then he says “You know I looked at Mr Gym’s page, you said he was married, I didn’t see a wedding ring on his finger.” I said “Seriously?! You’re bringing this up again. You need to get over it. Are you trying to upset me?” He then says he’s not trying to upset me but he thinks Mr Gym is lying to me and is trying to steal me away. I told FI that he needed to let it go because he was going to make me cry. He dropped it but then it got awkward and quiet so I said I’d call him back later.
I have to tell you that FI is divorced, his first wife did cheat on him. His brother is also divorced, his wife cheated on him. I understand his fear and I told him this but at the same time I didn’t do anything wrong. I refuse to not talk to new people especially men because they may or may not want me. I’m a friendly person, FI knows this, he also knows I have more male friends than female friends. His reasoning is that I had these male friends before he met me so its ok to still be friends with them but not anyone new.
I’m just really hurt by his words and his actions about this. I have my class tonight and its stressing me out. I really enjoy my class and this time is the only time I can go, otherwise I would switch times for him. This particular class costs extra and is only offered 3 times during Mon, Wed, Fri’s and 2 of the 3 times I’m at work. in a couple weeks this class will end and won’t be offered again until after summer so it may blow over, but maybe not because I will take other classes to fill in for the class that will end.
I just need some advice. Please don’t tell me to leave my FI because I love him more than anything and want to work through this. I would admit to wrong doing IF I thought I was wrong but I don’t feel I am.