(Closed) Need advice/confirmation I'm better off

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@nowen378:  It sounds like you are way better off, block his number, detach completely, you said you started seeing someone else and he wanted you back, well to me it sounds like he has the maturity of a 5 year old child (harsh I know), but it is, when he has you he dosent want you, when he cant have you he wants you, or in reality, he dosent want you but he dosent want anyone else to be have you, so go out you deserve someone who isnt gonna be unsure about you, after that long he should either know or not, and it sounds like he is enjoying playing games, and sounds alot like one of my ex’s….turns out with my ex, when he would do that to me, he was trying to get with another girl who “was everything he wanted”, and would break up with me when she would play with his minds, and i would get dumped on my ass, and then when he would want more from her she would push him away and get rid of him and get a new flavor of the week, and he would run back to me and make promises and shift the blame on me as to why it wasnt working, and so id get back with him, and he kept me just close enough to have me hooked to where he felt if things werent working with the other girl i would always be his fall back girl so he wouldnt be alone….in the end he got what he wanted from her and cheated on me one night while we were back on and i had enough when he said he thought she was knocked up, but it made me realize all the promises he made me were sh*t, and lies, and he was keeping me around for convience so he wouldnt be alone, well i finally got fed up, had enough and have never looked back, dated a few guys then found my guy and 5.5 years later have never been happier, it will come just ignore him and walk away no matter how much it hurts, its  part of the emotional abuse game, (my ex was very good at this game, he isolated me from friends, wanted me to move away with him, anytime when we broke up and another guy came near me, i was all he ever wanted, and wed get back together and the switch would flip, i worried to much about him cheating when he went camping with this girl, so we broke up, he came back and it was my fault, as was everything, he made me so insecure, he broke my spirit and made me completely addicted to him, because when it was good it was really good, but it only lasted enough to get me back in, and then everything was my fault and i deserved what he did to me, i was his toy for soo long…) so take it from me huni, it wont get better, he will not change, and im not saying he has another girl in mind, but that was my experience i wanted to share to let you know you are not alone….so go out, have fun, and be with someone who wants to be there 24/7 through good and bad, hi’s and lo’s….because if they cant handle that dating its better to get out before you get married and then go through a divorce, maybe call up the other guy you started seeing and give him another shot, but i think take time to yourself, have fun go out, and always ALWAYS have the buddy system, close friend or family member to pull you back out when he tries to pull you back in, because he will try, he sounds like the type who loves the control, so count your blessings and run far and fast, and live it up, if he calls dont awnser, tries to approach you when your out with friends, have one on standby to always run interference (ie he starts talking to you, your best girl comes up and says she NEEDS you ASAP in the ladies room for female things or something like that….the word period is usually sufficient to send most guys scampering away….) change your number, forget his, and live life….its gonna suck for awhile, believe me i know, been there, but time will help you heal, and make you strong and in time you will be like me and looking back asking your friends why none of them kicked some sense into you……just give it time dear, you are better off, just stay strong and focus on you, also it helped me to pick a hobby i knew he DETESTED, so i knew there would be no chance of him coincidentally being there, with out some planning to try and bump into me, thus blowing every lame excuse in the book, for me it was a country singing group! he hated country music, and everyone who went with me knew it, so it was easier the one time he did try  for them to circle the wagons get him escorted out and keep me safe from him…..

sorry its a novel, but i wanted to help, feel free to pm me if you need to talk, but you are strong beutiful and curageous! stay strong and smile!

Post # 4
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

ugh! this man-child is an emotional manipulator – and speaking from experience, he WILL contact you again in the future to “try” again.

Please, PLEASE do not fall for it. How happy will you be in a relationship where you are always wondering if the other shoe will drop any day and he breaks up with you again?

 

Post # 5
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

 2 words: emotional manipulation.

Girl he is using you like a yo-yo. Block his number, unfriend him, decide from this point forward he does nt exist and detox from him. 

You are giving him power over you by comming back when he ” is sorry”. Obviously he isn’t sorry, elce he would not have dten this to you, what? 4 separate times? You deserve better, and don’t make excuses or rationalize his bad behavior, ” oh. He has trust issues, oh he has low self esteem , blah blah blah.”.  Not an excuse.  You deserve better

Post # 6
Member
6681 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

He emotionally abuses you which can easily escalate to other types of abuse.  If you got engaged or married, he would feel more secure and that’s risky with abusers.

The PP who said he has you addicted is exactly right.  Traumatic bonds are harder to break than healthy ones.  There is a book by J Patrick Carne, PhD about traumatic bonding That you may find helpful.

Accept that you must go cold turkey.  Thst means NO CONTACT.  I agree with a previous poster who said he will resurface.  Be ready for that.  

One thing that may help you is to make a list of every mean thing he ever said or did to you.  It’s very powerful.

When you feel the urge to talk or text him, post here instead.  We’ll get you off the ledge.

Post # 7
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

two words: mentally unstable

You are so much better off without him and life will start looking up in a few months

Post # 8
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

you are another person who must be dating my ex!

yes you did the right thing. cut all contact and remain strong. he will continue you to use you like a yo yo as long as you let him – basically until he decides he’s done playing with his yo yo and then he will ditch you once and for all. Ditch him before he gets to you – will save you a lot of wasted time and heart ache!

Post # 9
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I will be honest, I didn’t read the whole thing… I’m sorry. But the moment I read ‘the first time he broke up with me’ and then saw how much followed that, that’s all I needed to know to say this guy deserves no place in your life.

Whatever the circumstances are, there’s no situation where someone breaks up with you, more than once, and then deserves to have you in their life if that’s what they want.

Forget this guy ever existed, is my advice.

Post # 10
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

EDIT: Just read the rest of it.

Breaking up is serious! it sounds like he’s breaking up with you to get a reaction and make a point, and that is just so many levels of bullshit. And saying that he broke up with you to ‘test’ you? He does realize, that’s just heartbreak and lying, right? Breakups are meant to be permanent, not a fun little test. That is such bullshit, I am so angry for you!

I’d change my number and never talk to him again if I were you. Just get this jerk far, far away.

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