Post # 1
I have been fighting with one of bridesmaids lately and am considering asking her not to be in the wedding. The problem is she is also my roommate and my fiancee’s cousin. (He is also angry with her because of the way she is acting.) Here’s what happened….
1) About 2 months ago we got in a huge fight. It’s been building for about and year and a half but in a nutshell, she constantly has her friends hanging out at our apartment and I didn’t say anything for a long time because I didn’t want to make her mad. Also, her best friend is incredibly rude to me for no apaprent reason and when she is there they pretend I don’t exist and won’t talk to me. They take over our downstairs so I stay shut up in my room if I’m there. She has never cleaned the downstairs she is constantly using or any of the common areas of our apartment. She also had 3 boyfriends that were staying the night on different nights an would always lie to me about them being there. Other drama ensued and we did not talk for a month. We finally made up about 2-3 weeks ago and then…
2) She decided 2 days ago that she was getting a puppy and texted me about it as she was picking it up. We are not allowed to have pets of any kind in our apartment. We are moving out in a month so I have no idea why this is happening now. Also, the landlord is being nice and letting us out of the lease a month early so I don’t think we need to push it. I have told her the dog cannot stay and says it will be out in 2 days. Our apartment is already smelling like a dog. To top this off, she locked it in the cage in her room and left for work at 6:30 this morning and the dog barked and whined constantly until her friend came to get it at 10:30 this morning. I was off today and was really looking forward to sleeping in. I texted her about it and she said I was being “difficult” and “rude.” We got into a big fight after that. I have been nothing but nice (probably way too nice) and courteous because she is in the wedding and I don’t want to make her mad. Also, the “puppy” is an 8 month old black lab!
I really don’t want to live with her anymore much less have her in my wedding. My wedding is in 3 months, she has already paid for her dress and the alterations will be done on it in 3 days. I would feel terrible asking her to not be in the wedding but at this point she has been so rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate that I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her and when I picture my wedding day I think it will be much more fun without her. Advice anyone?
Post # 3
Forgot to add that she is only paying 1/4th of the rent! And I am a huge dog lover and have wanted to get a dog ever since I moved into the apartment 4 years ago but knew I couldn’t because of the lease. She has been living with me for about a year and a half.
Post # 4
Wow.what a headache.She sounds like such an inconsiderate person.What does your fiance think of you eliminating her from the wedding party?I wouldn’t ask her to step down.That would probably cause problems within the family.The dog would have to go.That could cost you your deposit.Sit down and talk to her with your fiance.It will all be over soon.Hang in there.
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice! I do think it would be good for the 3 of us to sit down and talk. I just really got serious about taking her out of the party today and haven’t got to talk to my fiancee yet so we’ll see what he thinks.
Post # 6
This is a really sticky situation, I agree with pp, sit down and have a talk with her. The air definitely needs to be cleared, maybe after you all talk things out you guys will be able to get along much better. Hugs! Keep us posted!
Post # 7
I would say that since everything is paid for, don;t just kick her out of the wedding just yet.
You will be out of there in a month, and then you’ll have a few months before the wedding. It’s possible your relationship will mend itself in that time.
I had a cousin renting from me, and he took advantage of living here to the point where I told him he needed to leave. He left 4 months ago and we have been MUCH happier since, and it didn’t damage my relationship with him.
Post # 8
I agree with PP- a few weeks apart will make things better. Don’t kick her out.
Post # 9
It sounds like the roommate issue is clouding your judgement about the wedding. You haven’t mentioned anything she’s done to be a bad bridesmaid, so why would you kick her out of the wedding? She is being a bad roommate, but I’m guessing you won’t be living with her in 3 months so I would just try to keep the peace for now. She may be inconsiderate, but she’s a member of your new family so it sounds like it’s easier to grin and bear it for a few months then to case a potential family blow-out.
Post # 10
Thanks for all of the great advice. I’ll definitely be thinking about this for a while before I make a decision. For various reasons some of his family already knows something is up between us. For example, her mom told his grandparents that she doesn’t want another roommate after living with me. His grandparents then talked to another of his aunts, cousins, etc. to see if they knew what was going on. The thing I’m really struggling with is the reason I asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place was because she was my friend but I feel like we haven’t really been good friends for a while now, even before our first huge blowup. We really just sort of tolerate each other and I’m not sure that I want to have someone that I just tolerate standing next to me on my wedding day. I also get the feeling she doesn’t really want to be a part of it anymore either. We’ll see how it goes in the next few days! 🙁