- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
FH and I have been engaged for a month and already we’re throwing around the idea of elopement.
My family are paying for most of the wedding and because of this they have since told both of us that we have no say in the wedding.
My fiance is paying for the church, cars, flowers and rings.
I am paying for my dress and pretty much everything I will be wearing on the day (shoes, accessories etc) and the bridesmaids gifts
My family is paying for the rest.
My FH and I don’t live together yet (because we are waiting for marriage before we live together) so I get to deal with my family and the fights on a daily basis.
My mother has basically turned into a Mother-of-the-bridezilla. She nearly hit me the other day she got so angry because I defended my FH choice of groomsman. (He wants his brother as best man and little brother (14yrs old at time of wedding). She told me that he couldn’t have a child as his groomsman that it would look bad.
This was all hypothetical to begin with because I don’t have a second bridesmaid (i don’t even want any bridesmaids – but that’s “not allowed”) so now I’m only having one anyway.
Then there was religion – my family aren’t actually overly religious but they want an Anglican church (because we’re anglican) and my FH isn’t baptised. The anglicans have a reputation for being strict and there is a chance we may not get the church (again this is all hypothetical right now because we haven’t even ASKED the minister yet that’s happening on Friday).
I had spoken to my fiance about baptism, asking him if he would consider it at all. At first he said no but I knew he was thinking about it. I told my family that if I asked him and the subject wasn’t pushed, if it came down to the crunch he would probably get baptised for me.
The conversation should have ended there but no, my nan and mum just had to push. They lectured him for half an hour about baptism, what to say to the minister about why he wasn’t baptised (they want him to tell a story about how his mother is catholic and his father is presyterian and they couldnt agree on the baptism of the children) so now my FH has gone the other way and said (to me only) that he won’t get baptised at all now. He was about to make the annoucement that he would get baptised for me but they cut him off with their lecture.
Then there was the fact that my FH went back to New Zealand for a week the week after we got engaged so he could tell his family the news in person. In that week my mum and nan booked the reception, ordered the paperwork from the church and had me trying on dresses. They also decided the theme, colour scheme and car hire.
When FH got back from New Zealand and this was all heaped on top of him he kept his cool in front of them, but originally thought that I had gone ahead and planned without him. We wanted to plan this together but as my mother says “the man gets no say in the wedding, nor should he want any. He just has to turn up on the day. He also gets no details except for the time and place and what to wear.”
We had a small argument – I won’t say fight because there was no yelling, all the frustrations just boiled over – after speaking to me about it the next day after he was smothered by my family he realised that I have no say either.
Now both of us just want this wedding to be over so we can start our lives together.
We are already throwing around the idea of elopement – we are going to New Zealand next year to catch up with his family and we’ve already joked about getting married while we were there.
I never wanted a big wedding, I never even wanted a church or for a lot of people to come. I am only doing this for my family. I am the only girl so mum will only get to do this once.
I am having a big wedding so my family will be happy, and all they do is fight with me, tell me that I will be a terrible wife and that my FH will leave me as soon as he realises what I’m “really like”. I can barely even open my mouth in my house without having someone yell at me about how horrible I am as a person or why I deserved all the bad things that have happened in my life and how there is more to come because I am so horrible.
Elopement is sounding better and better but I know that it will destroy what’s left of my fragile relationship with my family. They will never forgive me for eloping. “A wedding isn’t just your day, it’s a day for family to come together”
I am also worried that if we don’t just stick it out for this next year and get married “properly” that we may end up regretting our decision to get married without friends and family near to celebrate the big day and create those memories.
I know I must sound a whinger and I probably am. I need someone who isn’t biased to just tell me to get over myself and be grateful for having my wedding paid for.
Also, for anyone who suggests it. I can afford to pay for my own wedding and I would like to because then they wouldn’t be able to blackmail me because they’ve spent so much money. But paying for my own wedding would be akin to eloping for them. I would still be disowned.