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I think that if it's where you both want to live, and they're paying him a reasonable amount for his profession and your region of the country, then you should go.
I understand being disappointed about relocation costs, and you having to leave your job (thereby reducing your income temporarily) but here are the reasons that (in my mind) overcome those concerns:
1) Without knowing what line of work you two are in, I would still venture to say that it's unlikely you'd both find jobs at the *exact* same time in the same town. Someone may have to not work for a little bit- so this is a problem you're likely to have no matter what job he or you finds in the new town.
2) This sounds harsh, but It's not your husband's prospective employers problem that you'll have to find a new job and relocate. Yikes, that does sound harsh, but basically in this job market (an extremely tough one) it's kind of a "buyers'" market, meaning that the employers often have less trouble finding qualified employees than the employees have finding well-paying jobs.
3) Chances are, if your social circle in the town you want to be in is strong you won't have trouble networking your way into a job that fits you.
I would say that unless you feel that giving up your current job would make you unhappy in your new town, you may have to take the temporary financial hit to live where you want to live, nearer to the people that you love.
How much will you have to lower your standard of living to move there? Can you make it soley on his income? I would not count on finding a new job anytime soon in this market. You'll need to be prepared to live off of his salary alone.
If you can make that work and that is where you really want to be living, go for it.
@bells219: This is how I'm feeling, too, and even though it's disappointing, I do agree that the costs incurred by me quitting my job and by us moving are not really their responsibility.It really is a buyers market for employers, and they have so many candidates to pick from that I think beggars can't be choosers.
And it should be said I'm pretty unhappy in my current line of work and would like to make a career change...so I would definitely not be devastated to quit my job.
@Aure: I know I need to take this into consideration, too. It might be a little tight and we might not be able to save much, but I think we could probably maintain our lifestyle on his salary.
I know it's a tough job market and I might not find anything for awhile, so we really have to take into account how much we want to move. But, I do agree with the PP who said it's unlikely we'd both magically find jobs in a new city at the same time...I have a feeling however or whenever we try to make this move, it's not going to be a perfect transition.
@Marabeth, if you're unhappy in your current line of work, and can make it on his income + whatever menial work you can find until you find what you want, do it! This is an opportunity, and if his job is high-paying, it might not come along again for a while.
Leaving a 6 year career that paid extremely well to be a broke college student was the best thing I ever did for myself. I HATE being broke, but not nearly as much as I hated the prospect of doing *that* forever.
Some questions you might have to answer to make this work:
- Do you own a home? Can you afford to pay rent + mortgage until it sells?
- Is he ok with being the main income? Are you ok with that?
- Who will carry the health insurance for you both if you don't work
- Can you lower your monthly expenses enough to make it on his income alone? Maybe share a car if you need to.
- Are you willing to work something crappy and low-paying just to bring in enough to help and to keep yourself busy until you find what you want to do?
- Is there any debt you can pay off now, before you lose the incomes, so that your monthly expenses won't be going towards that?
Good luck, and congrats!
@bells219: Those are all great things to consider, thanks for your advice. We don't own a home, but we would need to break our apartment lease and pay moving expenses. His salary is mid-range, but I think we could get by on it...I would also be willing to pick up something part time if I needed to while job searching.
It feels kind of like after all the wishing and hoping for this move, we're almost suffering from a little buyer's remorse. Even though it's what we wanted, it's sort of a scary prospect to leave our stable jobs and comfortable lifestyle and start over somewhere else.
I'm going to bump this for more advice...we have to make a decision this week! Everyone's input has been really helpful.
DH just told me he talked to his would-be boss and found out the recruiter wrote down his current salary incorrectly ($10,000 less than he makes) and it affected his offer. He told her he'll take the job for $5000 more than what he currently makes. I guess we'll find out soon!
DH and I are currently preparing to move back to the town where his family is, our friends are, and where we ultimately want to stay long-term. So I know just the position you are in.
I'm taking close to a 50% pay cut for my new job (granted I am leaving a job I dislike and going to a job I think I will really enjoy and thrive in). My new company is paying no relocation costs (and we are having to move from TX to GA). Luckily, my DH can move without having to change jobs so we won't have any down-time with just 1 income.
I think if this is a city where you can see yourselves long-term, I'd try to make it work. Maybe find a part time retail job or something to bring in some additional income (and keep yourself busy) while you continue to job search. Jobs can be hard to come by in this economy so if this will be a good career move for your DH, it can be rough to let that go.
@Mrs.KMM: Aside from still having two incomes, that does sound a lot like our situation! It's so nice to hear from someone going through something similar.
This is the city where we want to buy a house and settle long term, and he's applied for plenty of jobs there that haven't gotten further than a first round interview--there seems to be a very competitive job market in his field. It seems like if it's a good opportunity with a good company, we have to weigh the whole picture...even if there are few initial setbacks (like paying to move.)
@MaraBeth: move! once youre in the area, you can always look for a better job. you have a social circle there, and networking is key to fnding a new job. i live in a different state than most of my family and friends, and while FH lives his job, its really hard to be so far Away.
@kerensa: That's what I was thinking too...once we get established in the area, he could always look for something else if this isn't for him. I think if location is important to us, we have to make some compromises.
He's a little nervous that it's too lateral of a move, but he's only been at his current position for about a year and a half. It's a much bigger company than the one he is currently at, though, and has a lot of room for growth. I'm feeling optimistic about it!
We're still waiting to see if they can improve the offer a little...I've been anxiously awaiting some news. It's pretty much impossible to concentrate at work right now!
If it's where you want to be, and you can financially afford to make the move, it might be worth it. It's hard to find jobs at all lately, and he found one that seems like at least a little pay bump, plus the opportunity for advancement seems really good.
As soon as you decide to make the move, you should start applying for jobs. Anything you can get for the time being to help out until you fall into what you really want to do!
Deciding to move is always the scariest part. Good luck!
@abbie017: Thanks! I told him if it looks good and he signs on, I can start applying for jobs right away.
Deciding to move really is the hardest part...we've been talking about it and wishing for an opportunity for months, but I think the idea of actually picking up and moving is pretty scary!
He took the job!! I'm so excited. It's a little scary but I know it's the right thing for us right now.
Congratulations!!! I know it's scary, but this is super exciting for you guys, I'm so happy you were able to take that leap :)
So awesome! Were they able to give him a better offer? This could be none of my business, I just read they wrote something wrong by $10k.
Also, if you move for a job, you get to write that off for your taxes next year.
@serabell: They were able to beat his current salary by a little bit, so it should be good. Now I just have to worry about finding a job! We may have to tighten our budget for a bit, but it's definitely doable.
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We've been dying to move back to the city we used to live in--it's where DH's parents live along with many of our friends, about 3 hours away. We have a well-established social circle there. DH has been interviewing for jobs there and he heard Friday that a great company wanted to make him an offer. We were beyond ecstatic.
He talked to them today, though, and it sounds like at best they can offer him what he's making now, maybe a tiny bit more. Plus, they're not including relocation costs. If we move, I'll have to quit my full-time job (I make about half as much as DH.)
I know he's feeling disappointed with the offer, but I feel like we need to try to look at the big picture of where we want to live and the potential for growth down the line.
I think I'm in serious need of objective advice, since I'm so emotionally invested in the issue. What would you do in this situation?